Wedding Woes

friends and family need to shut their mouths.

Dear Amy: I'm a retired 63-year-old living on a pension and Social Security. I am able to put away a bit of savings each month (I still owe money on my home.).


My daughter, 35, just became engaged to a man 13 years her senior who lives with his teenage daughter in a rented house.


A few years ago I told my daughter that I set aside $20,000 for either her wedding or for a down payment on a house, if she chooses to buy one.


A couple of months ago, she told me that she owed the IRS $8,000. She chose to receive $10,000 from the stash to pay the IRS and settle other bills.

Now they're planning a wedding that will cost more than the $10,000 left in the fund. Friends and family say I ought to pay up to the $20,000 I originally promised her.


The amount represents about 8 percent of my total savings.


Amy, should I stick to my original promise, or should I break my piggy bank so I won't seem cheap?


No one else knows about the cash advance my daughter took.


I suggested that she ask for her fiance's credit score so she is aware of how financially responsible he is.


She says she doesn't want to be too "nosy."

— Father of the Bride

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Re: friends and family need to shut their mouths.

  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WHAT!?
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  Why is the family involved at all?  It's not their $$.  She doesn't need to explain herself.

    Daughter's a moronif she thinks asking for her husband to be's credit score is being 'too nosy'.    But she also may not want to know because she doesn't want him to ask her questions.  I wonder if he knows about the $8000 loan and the issues with the IRS.
  • edited December 2011
    Yes and it isn't "nosy" to ask about your future spouse's credit score.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  Does she not realize that along with marriage you inherit your spouse's monetary or financial problems?  (eyeing my own situation)

    Hello?

    And no...she gets $10k that is left.  That is MORE than generous.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Her family knows too much already.  I bet if she told them about the $10k they'd shut their trap. 

    And yes, the daughter is a moron.  Finances NEED TO BE DISCUSSED before a marriage.
  • DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Hmm. If i plan a $100k wedding, will my daddy please pay for it, even though he already fed, clothed, educated, and sheltered me for just about my entire life? 

    Ridonculous.  And agreed - why are friends and family even involved?  How much of his money do they think he should spend? What if daughter wanted a $50k wedding? 

    And I love how there's no mention of Daughter asking for more than the additional $10k she was promised.  For once, the beebee isn't the bride (that we know of)

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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i wonder if friends and family are involved because daughter has told them about the promised $20k.

    dh and i pulled our credit reports for each other years before we got married.  maybe we're not super romantic, but we are practical.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I want to know why the friends and family know there was an original promise. That to me is just as private as the fact that the daughter already used half of it. This wouldn't be an issue if she hadn't been willing to talk about the business that made her look generous and not the business that made her daughter look irresponsible.

    And yeah, daughter is in for a long marriage if she thinks finding out her husband's finances is being nosy.
  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    You are allowed to ask nosey questions of a person you are about to marry.  Hell no would I marry someone without knowing everything about their financial situation. 

    And now I have a similar WWWWD question I need to post on FB.

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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    It never occurred to me to pull DH's credit report.  I knew he was crazy frugal - ate rice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 2 years to pay off his student loans, so I guess it was a nonissue.

    AFAIK, he didn't pull mine, either. 

    I suppose he could have been in massive debt and lied about it, but it never occured to me to check.

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  • jojobrnjojobrn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We knew each others credit history and scores within the first year. They are helpful when buying a house and planning a life together.
  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Zzilla.  Who needs a credit report when a GROWN MAN is living at home with his CHILD for presumably non-medical reasons?  I don't need a piece of paper that reads 475 to tell me what I already know.
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  • edited December 2011
    What?!?!? OMG this is crazy! 20,000 was set aside, what she chose to do with that money is up to her. You are being kind enough to have that much money put aside for her - you are not obligated to give her a dime!
    Anniversary
  • MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_friends-family-need-shut-their-mouths?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:38440afc-dc2f-44ea-b893-0f2c8a46db65Post:6e74dfe3-53bc-4f43-8927-456d721a7a62">Re: friends and family need to shut their mouths.</a>:
    [QUOTE]What?!?!? OMG this is crazy! 20,000 was set aside, what she chose to do with that money is up to her. You are being kind enough to have that much money put aside for her - you are not obligated to give her a dime!
    Posted by pizzanfries4me[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Reading comprehension FAIL!

    </div>
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