I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!

dajmaj37

I need some serious help on this issue....My bachelorette party was last weekend and we all decided to go to Las Vegas like 2 months ago to celebrate. My MOH found out she was pregnant 8 weeks ago and is horribly sick so she couldn't make it. So she decided to pay for my room anyways as a gift to me. I ended up sharing the room with my mom and my aunt. My two other cousins (who are bridesmaids) got another room. Everything was going great during the day, We got a cabana and had a  lot of fun. Then, dinner came around @ 7pm and my 2 cousins were completely wasted!!! My one cousin was so slutty and pretty much made it all about her that night.  Long story short, I had to pay for me the entire trip!!! So, yesterday my cousin (bridesmaid) called me yesterday and told me how I disrespected her but making her get her own room and I made her feel like a stranger!!! She said I treated her like crap and was YELLING at me over the phone about money the entire time (she was completely drunk by the way). She has never done this before and now I'm thinking I don't want her in the wedding. My wedding is 3 weeks away. What do I do???

jojobrn

So wait, because your cousins were drunk you had to pay? Why wouldn't you be paying for some things yourself anyway? I think when a party like this goes out of town it is a bit rude on your part to expect everyone to feed you, buy you drinks, etc the entire weekend.

ElleB87

How is it not your responsibility to pay for yourself? Especially when you decide to have an OOT b-party?  How much your cousins drink is none of your business, either you can let her (drunk) behaviour go or you can't, only you can decide that one.  I'm assuming she's sober now so call her back and talk things over, but I definitley wouldn't bring up your expectation of a free ride on that trip if you want to salvage any sort of friendship.

dajmaj37

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:05ee2a3b-cb99-420d-89b4-1630291a774b">Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So wait, because your cousins were drunk you had to pay? Why wouldn't you be paying for some things yourself anyway? I think when a party like this goes out of town it is a bit rude on your part to expect everyone to feed you, buy you drinks, etc the entire weekend.
Posted by jojobrn[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah I totally agree...thats why I decided to pay for the cabana ($250 dollars) and I just assumed they could cover my dinner and drinks (or at least they would want to!!!). I know I would for them.

Cant_wait!

Why wouldn't you pay for yourself?

jojobrn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:44e06c50-8ba4-4108-bce1-c286fba342d9">Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!! : Oh yeah I totally agree...thats why I decided to pay for the cabana ($250 dollars) and I just assumed they could cover my dinner and drinks (or at least they would want to!!!). I know I would for them.
Posted by dajmaj37[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, that was your bad to assume they'd pay for you. Considering you sprung for the cabana, they likely just figured you had things handled.</div>

MinM

Sounds like you better have a dry wedding.

palrmt

Just because you assumed they would want to pay for you doesn't mean that's actually true.  You assumed incorrectly and you should definitely not approach her about this.  If you would like to approach her about her rude drunken behaviour feel free.  However threatening to kick her out of the wedding is probably not going to make the conversation end very well and will likely ruin your relationship with her for good. 

You said that she has never done this before.  Maybe she got a little too drunk and acted poorly.  I personally would let it slide. 

sarahb218

Too bad it's so close to your wedding. Because I would say just kick them out.  I think that so much time and money goes into a wedding and there are selfish people in this world who don't realize that everything doesn't revolve around them. Sorry but too much goes into the planning of a wedding for people not to respect you at all times. And I don't know about you but I think that only people who love you no matter what and support your union unconditionally, deserve to be included in the festivities. Your cousin is behaving like a little brat. Plain and simple. You deserve some special treatment before your big day and some people just can't handle not being in the spot light! She obviously thinks she deserved certain things for this trip instead of you. Maybe she should have talked to you about budget BEFORE going to Vegas. I think you would have completely understood if she said the trip (or certain things on the trip) weren't in the budget. She should have communicated with you instead of dealing with it like a selfish child. I don't know how close you are with her but I suggest just backing away from her.
I am currently dealing with a narcissistic future family member. And she got the boot from the wedding party. Sometimes you just need to cut the toxic people out, family or not. You just can't reason with crazy!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:4d257601-d7b1-42a8-b692-14568bd5d6ae">Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Too bad it's so close to your wedding. Because I would say just kick them out.  I think that so much time and money goes into a wedding and<strong> there are selfish people in this world who don't realize that everything doesn't revolve around them.</strong> Sorry but too much goes into the planning of a wedding for people not to respect you at all times. And I don't know about you but I think that only people who love you no matter what and support your union unconditionally, deserve to be included in the festivities. Your cousin is behaving like a little brat. Plain and simple. You deserve some special treatment before your big day and some people just can't handle not being in the spot light! She obviously thinks she deserved certain things for this trip instead of you. Maybe she should have talked to you about budget BEFORE going to Vegas. I think you would have completely understood if she said the trip (or certain things on the trip) weren't in the budget. She should have communicated with you instead of dealing with it like a selfish child. I don't know how close you are with her but I suggest just backing away from her. I am currently dealing with a narcissistic future family member. And she got the boot from the wedding party. Sometimes you just need to cut the toxic people out, family or not. You just can't reason with crazy!
Posted by sarahb218[/QUOTE]

Like brides?

You sound like an awesome person to be around. Really and truly.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:135ea066-24ed-4344-8b92-045cc9338d41">I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some serious help on this issue....My bachelorette party was last weekend and we all decided to go to Las Vegas like 2 months ago to celebrate. My MOH found out she was pregnant 8 weeks ago and is horribly sick so she couldn't make it. So she decided to pay for my room anyways as a gift to me. I ended up sharing the room with my mom and my aunt. My two other cousins (who are bridesmaids) got another room. Everything was going great during the day, We got a cabana and had a  lot of fun. Then, dinner came around @ 7pm and my 2 cousins were completely wasted!!! My one cousin was so slutty and pretty much made it all about her that night.  Long story short, I had to pay for me the entire trip!!! So, yesterday my cousin (bridesmaid) called me yesterday and told me how I disrespected her but making her get her own room and I made her feel like a stranger!!! She said I treated her like crap and was YELLING at me over the phone about money the entire time (she was completely drunk by the way). She has never done this before and now I'm thinking I don't want her in the wedding. My wedding is 3 weeks away. What do I do???
Posted by dajmaj37[/QUOTE]

Did you bother to discuss budget with anybody before you went on this trip?

ehassett

A few thoughts:

It seems like you and your cousin both had some misunderstandings about the party trip--and to me it doesn't sound like much more than that.

If I were you, I would call your cousin and tell her that you are sorry that the trip didn't go quite as she planned, and that I also thought it was less-than-perfect. Then I would ask her if we could both let it go and focus on having a great wedding!

Also, if she gets upset if she doesn't have time in the spotlight, maybe let her give a moment "in the sun" at the rehearsal dinner or reception.

dajmaj37

I totally agree with sarahb218 and ehassett..I want to tell her so bad that I don't want her in my wedding but on the other hand, I want to talk with her and hopefully she will still want to be a part of the wedding in a good way. I haven't called her yet. I was thinking of letting her cool off for a few days. It's been since Thursday and I haven't received a call yet from her. I guess I'll be the bigger person and call her. Thanks guys for all of your help.

afeliz79

Why would you have a bachelorette party in Vegas if you did t want peoe to get wasted? You said your cousin was wasted when she called you, and that "she has never done this before." I assume you mean she has never gotten drunk and acted inappropriately. It seems to me, you need to put aside your wedding thoughts for a minute and ask your cousin if something is going on in her life to make her drink and act out more than usual.

DeanneCW

Most brides think that the B-party is a free party for them- they get fawned over while wearing a silly sash and penis necklace. (frosses fingers that this will take place for me)

If it isn't discussed prior to the party how much everything will be and what the exact plans are some people will just play stupid and not think they have to pay for anything.

My friend made it clear she wanted an AC B-party- casino hotel room and melting pot dinner I added all of that money in my head and said "nope can't make it..."

You said your cousin doesn't normally act slutty and drunk- it IS vegas... you know the saying what happens there...stays there... I'd talk to her about how she acted- you have to talk to people when they are sober- drunk is never good.

As fo the money thing it doesn't SEEM like anyone know about the money situation and what was meant to be spent as a gift or what not. Sorry you spent money on things you didn't think you were going to spend money on but.... sheit happens..

sarahb218

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:e809de8d-52d7-410d-a29a-30c0fc749ef1">Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!! : Like brides? You sound like an awesome person to be around. Really and truly.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]




Instead of the cousin freaking out on her like a complete A-hole, she could discuss things like a civil person. The cousin's behavior is out of line. I don't care how mad she was AFTER she went to Vegas. Bottom-line, she went. Nobody put a gun to her head to force her to go OR spend a ton of money for that matter. And I don't think someone venting on here is grounds for criticism. Isn't this site labeled WEDDING WOES? This is where she should be able to come, vent and then have others just sympathize. We have NO clue who she really is. Just as you have no clue how awesome I actually am. (I prefer bitchen as opposed to awesome though.) I personally have had a future family member try her hardest to do everything in her power to ruin my engagement. Her hateful behavior started 3 weeks after we got engaged and there seems to be no ending in sight. And it started because my fiancé and I went out of town with friends and didn't invite this person. Completely ridiculous if you ask me. So maybe I seemed harsh but I'll tell ya, I'm more than irritated that I've been robbed of a lot of joy and happiness of an engagement to which I feel that every bride is entitled. So I've come to a point were I no longer tolerate toxic behavior. If people can't be supportive and just plain NICE, then get out of my life.
You joined in 2003. Why are you even still on here? This is a site for brides the last time I checked. Have you nothing better to do than pass judgement on
people (who you do not know!) who are here to utilize this site for EXACTLY what it was intended??
Get a life.

dajmaj37

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dont-crazy-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:38e15e1e-ecd8-4750-b0e5-b3b8ca65a22ePost:c7ea484d-0bdc-449b-8f32-8e34974d7dbf">Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't know what to do with my crazy BM!!!! : Instead of the cousin freaking out on her like a complete A-hole, she could discuss things like a civil person. The cousin's behavior is out of line. I don't care how mad she was AFTER she went to Vegas. Bottom-line, she went. Nobody put a gun to her head to force her to go OR spend a ton of money for that matter. And I don't think someone venting on here is grounds for criticism. Isn't this site labeled WEDDING WOES? This is where she should be able to come, vent and then have others just sympathize. We have NO clue who she really is. Just as you have no clue how awesome I actually am. (I prefer bitchen as opposed to awesome though.) I personally have had a future family member try her hardest to do everything in her power to ruin my engagement. Her hateful behavior started 3 weeks after we got engaged and there seems to be no ending in sight. And it started because my fiancé and I went out of town with friends and didn't invite this person. Completely ridiculous if you ask me. So maybe I seemed harsh but I'll tell ya, I'm more than irritated that I've been robbed of a lot of joy and happiness of an engagement to which I feel that every bride is entitled. So I've come to a point were I no longer tolerate toxic behavior. If people can't be supportive and just plain NICE, then get out of my life. You joined in 2003. Why are you even still on here? This is a site for brides the last time I checked. Have you nothing better to do than pass judgement on people (who you do not know!) who are here to utilize this site for EXACTLY what it was intended?? Get a life.
Posted by sarahb218[/QUOTE]

Wow you took the words right out of my mouth!!!! I couldn't agree more and I hate drama so much and with my cousins they LOVE drama. Thanks Sarah for being on my side!!!! Haha. I just keep thinking I would never do that to any of them (because they are family and I still wouldn't do it to friends either) no matter what!! I am just so ready to be married and not have to worry about this :)