Wedding Woes

H2B + my wedding planning = disaster

My wonderful fiance and I are getting married in about a year and I have done a ton of research on what I would like or not like for the wedding. What I DON'T want is a fairytale, princess wedding. I'd like a down-to-earth wedding with a touch of glamour. My fiance came up with the idea of a stylish bbq (he looooves meat lol) and I absolutely agree, this would set the right "mood" for the day. 

But then so many other times when I ask him what he thinks of this or that idea he's like "no way, that's just not how a wedding is supposed to be". He wants it "traditional" but doesn't tell me what he likes. He has a hard job, and when he gets home he's tired, i don't blame him, but even on the weekends he doesn't take time for the wedding planning. He doesn't abandon me, we go out and stuff, but he just doesn't want to help me plan but also when I plan it's not the way he would want it to be...

help me!! :) 
I moved half way around the world for this man - and I'm so happy I did!

Re: H2B + my wedding planning = disaster

  • edited December 2011
    This is not a disaster.
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  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_h2b-wedding-planning-disaster?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:38fe6de6-16a7-439f-96cb-b26541e608cdPost:f4561241-9364-4859-9fed-01d17da6a3a5">H2B + my wedding planning = disaster</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wonderful fiance and I are getting married in about a year and I have done a ton of research on what I would like or not like for the wedding. What I DON'T want is a fairytale, princess wedding. I'd like a down-to-earth wedding with a touch of glamour. My fiance came up with the idea of a stylish bbq<strong> (he looooves meat lol) </strong>and I absolutely agree, this would set the right "mood" for the day.  But then so many other times when I ask him what he thinks of this or that idea he's like "no way, that's just not how a wedding is supposed to be". He wants it "traditional" but doesn't tell me what he likes. He has a hard job, and when he gets home he's tired, i don't blame him, but even on the weekends he doesn't take time for the wedding planning. He doesn't abandon me, we go out and stuff, but he just doesn't want to help me plan but also when I plan it's not the way he would want it to be... help me!! :) 
    Posted by annraj[/QUOTE]

    DIRTY
    .
  • edited December 2011
    It will fall into place.  Marc and I had the same problems when we started planning.  I wanted an outdoor wedding and he had been to so many that got rained out that we just "couldn't" have an outdoor wedding.  We got halfway through planning a horrible ballroom reception in New Jersey (from sunny California) before we realized we were being idiots and moved the whole thing to an outdoor venue in the bay area in summer when it couldnt possibly rain (fingers crossed).  This is different, but the same.

    There are compromises for every couple and solutions so that the couple can come to an agreement without compromising.  It is up to the both of you to be honest about what you want adn what is important to you, and then to look for those solutions instead of harping on what cannot be.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Start googling, then. You can find something exactly like what you're looking for, it will just take some work.

    How do you define glamour? Start there and move forward.
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  • megn186megn186 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand why this is distressing you. It's really important that the day is amazing for both of you and it's not fun to only be getting negative reactions, but no positive suggestions. It's like if a coach kept saying "that's not right" but not telling you what is.

    I suggest making some sort of visual presentation that has photos from a variety of receptions. Ones that are more what you want and ones that are more traditional and have him point out the ones he likes. Then talk about why he likes those things and how you can compromise. I think guys are visual or at least need some help picturing what you are describing.

    Also, try to not say anything about the wedding unless you've both decided its a good time to talk about it. if you try to get him to talk when he's not in the mood it's not going to go anywhere. We are ALWAYS in the mood to talk about it. but guys aren't haha.

    Good luck! Remember to enjoy the planning process and be thankful you have a man who has an opinion at all!


  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'll just chime in with this:

    You have A YEAR until the wedding.  Neither of you should be spending too much time on this at this point.  *maybe* book a venue if you live in an area where it's very likely to get booked early for your date.

    I planned my whole wedding in four months. FOUR.  And I got all of my first choices (venue, dress, flowers, cake, photog, caterer, linens, DOC) except one (DJ), who turned out to be awesome.

    Granted, that's easier to do for a November wedding, but trust me that things are not as pressing as they may seem.


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  • megn186megn186 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've got 16 months to go and i KNOW I have plenty of time, but I'm already getting things that stress me out, so I understand. Don't let people make you feel bad about starting early. It's hard not to! Weddings are EXCITING!
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I seriously thought this was about the H2B visa.  Boy, was I disappointed.

    If you're having this much trouble planning a party together, you're going to find managing joint finances, finding a place to live, raising kids, etc. to be completely mind-bottling.

    It's a party.  If you can't communicate effectively and compromise about that, then your first priority is working on that.
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