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anxiety attack

[Deleted User][Deleted User]
First Comment
in Wedding Woes

so i was ordering our invitations the other day and i had a small anxiety attack over it. maybe its just me, idk but i'm scared to death. i was married before and obviously it didn't work out, which is for the better. i just have alot of fears of what if's and need help figuring them out. idk what to do.....please someone help me!!!! how do you know you can spend the rest of your life with that person? what if there is someone better for you out there? how do you know they won't cheat on you one day?

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Re: anxiety attack

  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You're not sure you want to be married to a maybe-one-day-cheater, but you're willing to get knocked up by this dude?  Smart.  Good luck with that.
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    how do you know you can spend the rest of your life with that person? When he told me if he hadn't hit me by now, he wouldn't ever hit mt.

    what if there is someone better for you out there? That is why they made divorce.
     
    how do you know they won't cheat on you one day? You don't. It's called faith.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    no matter what happens between me and him i know he would be a good dad, so yeah i'm ok with having a baby with him.
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ladies, get MENSA on the phone. We got a real candidate here.
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  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Please go talk to a therapist.  Having some anxiety regarding the wedding day is normal, but this sounds like more than that.   I would also put TTC on hold while you get this figured out.  An unstable relationship is no place to willingly bring a baby.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    what are trigger and daisy --are they dogs or children?  please say dogs.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yes they are dogs
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Lady T, me thinks these feeling aren't coming from no where. Has he done something that leads you to not trust him?

    What happened with the first marriage?

    I can help more with some more info.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    What in the... you are sure enough that you want to be tied to him permanently to have his baby, but not sure enough to marry him?  You know that the first one is irrevocable while the second one isn't, right?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'm sorry how does my "marrage fears" turn into "you need to second think this baby thing?" there are lots of people in this world that are not married and have kids and they are perfectly happy.
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_anxiety-attack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:3b6a0251-69c6-4b46-9d9c-4da918d90360Post:2a364796-bb07-4f17-8314-ad878fddc623">Re: anxiety attack</a>:
    [QUOTE]no matter what happens between me and him i know he would be a good dad, so yeah i'm ok with having a baby with him.
    Posted by triggersmom27[/QUOTE]

    So he isn't good enough for you but he is good enough for your kid?  Please put down the OPKs and think about this for a year or two.  Are you just wanting a baby and don't care how or who gets you there? 
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011

    Yes, and we see what happens in many of those cases.

    How about think about what's the best situation for the baby? No situation is 100% perfect but starting a new life in a shaky relationship doesn't seem all that smart to me.

    But, do you.

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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_anxiety-attack?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:3b6a0251-69c6-4b46-9d9c-4da918d90360Post:bb3c86bc-4189-4b54-9e56-448b13e1db3f">Re: anxiety attack</a>:
    [QUOTE]i'm sorry how does my "marrage fears" turn into "you need to second think this baby thing?" there are lots of people in this world that are not married and have kids and they are perfectly happy.
    Posted by triggersmom27[/QUOTE]

    Or, they're moving in with their parents because they can't afford to raise their children, they're in and out of court fighting custody/child support/whathaveyou, they have to explain to their 5 year old why daddy didn't show up for his scheduled visitation, they have to deal with new stepparents who think they're better than the biological parent.

    Having a child is hard even for people who are completely ready for it. Co-parenting is hard even for couples with extremely strong relationships. Bringing a baby into an already rocky situation does not make everyone "perfectly happy."

    If you don't trust this man not to cheat on you, how/why do you trust him to be a good father? (Tip: men who cheat on their children's mothers are not good fathers.)

    Your defensiveness smacks of immaturity. I'd put off the wedding and the baby plans until well after you've gotten yourself figured out.
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  • SAYFSAYF
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The same characteristics that make a good father make a good husband (usually). Having a kid with someone forces you to have regular contact with them on a regular basis. And let me tell you from personal experience, even if your parents are married and there are HUGE problems within the relationship it is still detrimental to the child. My parents' relationship is the most likely cause of my anxiety disorder. A man that cheats on his wife is NOT a good dad. Getting married means finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Having a child with that person is finding someone to have in your life and to share the responsibility of a new life, which IMO requires someone even more faithful and committed than someone to marry. And just so you know, divorces are really hard on everyone, including children. My FI almost failed the 8th grade because he couldn't focus do to his parents' divorce due to his father's cheating. Seriously consider what kind of life it would be for you and your child if this happens to you. Go see a therapist and seriously consider if you can trust your FI and you can go through with this without major doubts about the future. If there are any major red flags, postpone or call off your wedding and TTC.

    Those who are in a committed relationship and have kids usually are happy if the relationship is stable. Those that aren't or those who had a divorce often have severe emotional turmoil to go through. 

    IMO, concerns about spending the rest of your life with someone should carry over to concerns about having a kid. Best of luck.
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