Wedding Woes

confessions

I am really upset about my mom canceling xmas with me. I know she isn't canceling xmas all around, as sis told me mom has already bought stuff for her kid. Even if were are doing a 'kids only' xmas, that is still hurtful, as it means my family will be excluded. I need to limit my exposure to my family, as all they seem to do it hurt me. Plus, I need to figure out a way to manage my feeling so I don't let them keep hurting me.

I am eating kung pow beef at 9AM. This seems to be bothering people. I'm in single girl survival mode people. This is what was readily available. It's going in my belly.
Sidenote: why is there so much celery in chinese food? Because it's a cheap filler?

Tonight is girls night. One of the women who attends is a SAHM. She talks the entire time. She needs more adult time and does nothing to make SAHM-ship look attractive to me.

My friend has a friend who is trying to adopt. They paid the adoption agency 12K in processing/application fees up front. Then they have been paired with three, THREE! pregnant women who have used them to pay their medical bills and then reneged on giving up their baby. Each time, it has cost them about 3-4K in medical bills. They have reached their limit on what they had avaiable for adoption costs and still have no baby. Make me sad. And stabby.

Friend has another friend who went all the way to china to get a baby and was told once she got there that there was no baby for her. WTF. These stories make me not even want to try adoption.
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Re: confessions

  • edited December 2011
    Also, I'm getting my hairs cut tomorrow. I hope the stylist will become my new sassy gay friend. Because every girl needs one of those.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My grandmother would say that your mother's cancer is the meanness clumpting up in her.  Granted, my grandmother is something of an ass herself, but there you go.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    There's nothing in the adoption agreement that states if the birthmother decides to keep the baby the medical bills get repaid? That's some bullshit. Also, what kind of supportive "friend" tells you nothing but horror stories about adoption? Go talk to Groomz or CaptainSerious on RE, or the people in the adoption board.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Is there any way to sue for breach of contract in a situation like that?
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    WTF @ your mom.   That's a load of crap.

    You are correct about the celery being a cheap filler.

    Re: the couple doing the domestic adoption - they need to find a different adoption agency.   None of them should charge that much upfront AND allow them to be cheated out of more money from the mother.   Something's not right at all about this.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Even happy, well-adjusted SAHMs don't make that look very attractive to me. Ugh.

    There are a zillion happy adoption stories, too. Maybe be focusing on those?

    I'm sorry your family is a bunch of douches.

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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Kuus.  I said that about my uncle when he had colon cancer.  Said all of his bad insides were showing. 

    Min, how many good adoption stories have you heard or are you just "hearing" the bad ones?  Just sayin'.

    But I understand how awful that would make a person feel.

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  • edited December 2011
    Cancer is no excuse to be mean. And I'm really confused about her condition, as she and my one sister seem to be making her out as really sick. But, she isn't in the hospital and there are pics of my other sis on FB tailgating at a bunch of football games. If mom were really sick, I would think she wouldn't be in a parking lot drinking beer. I just would love some honesty, but need to accept that it isn't going to happen and find a way to make peace with it.
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  • ~~Busy.~~~~Busy.~~ member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Will a Salsa dancing dog put a smile on your face?

     

  • edited December 2011
    I don't have any IRL happy adoption stories.
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_confessions-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:41750d62-88bc-437f-a4c2-7ce53dfd1592Post:a3323811-e46a-4da7-98f1-d94bc75884fd">Re: confessions</a>:
    [QUOTE]. Also, what kind of supportive "friend" tells you nothing but horror stories about adoption? Go talk to Groomz or CaptainSerious on RE, or the people in the adoption board.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

    This.
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Min, no wonder you don't look at adoption favorably. I guess that is some schit and I don't blame you for thinking badly or avoiding the thought of adoption at that.

    :(

    Also, your sister's are proven as very selfish, correct?  So there would be a chance they would be tailgating if your mother's health is poor.  ?
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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I know plenty of IRL happy adoption stories. Hell, I have a cousin who was adopted and it was nothing but a happy story. Another cousin is in the process of adopting and has nothing but positive things to say at this point. I don't know your friends but both situations sound shady and their agencies sound messed up.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I too know of a few couples with happy adoption stories.  All were overseas adoptions, though.
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I know about a dozen happy adoption stories first hand and a few dozen more second hand.   I don't know any bad stories except for what I've read from you, seen on TV or read in the paper.

    My boss has a beautiful, healthy 3-year-old girl that he and his wife adopted at birth.   Their agency has a website that mothers can go to to select the potential parents.   My boss had their family picture, profile, story,etc - the mother liked what she saw - said this was the family she wanted - my boss was called on a Friday night and told that they were picked and Saturday morning they were holding their brand new baby girl. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_confessions-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:41750d62-88bc-437f-a4c2-7ce53dfd1592Post:1cffb3e3-cd08-421a-b61a-21175948755a">Re: confessions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know about a dozen happy adoption stories first hand and a few dozen more second hand.   I don't know any bad stories except for what I've read from you, seen on TV or read in the paper. My boss has a beautiful, healthy 3-year-old girl that he and his wife adopted at birth.   Their agency has a website that mothers can go to to select the potential parents.   My boss had their family picture, profile, story,etc - the mother liked what she saw - said this was the family she wanted -<strong> my boss was called on a Friday night and told that they were picked and Saturday morning they were holding their brand new baby girl. 
    </strong>Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]

    Yay.

    I feel like there should be some sort of legal recourse against those mothers, but I am guessing if the birth mothers had money they would have just paid for their medical bills in the first place. I really don't know the situations well enought to speak on them. My doc in OK gave me some info about an agency here, if we decide to move forward. I would never, ever use that agency.
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  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto everyone about IRL happy adoption stories.  My cousin did a US adoption in Georgia and she would be more than happy to talk to you about their process.  They got the call about their son's birth at my wedding reception. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_confessions-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:41750d62-88bc-437f-a4c2-7ce53dfd1592Post:a4035c87-11bd-4406-b3a5-846794914dc8">Re: confessions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto everyone about IRL happy adoption stories.  My cousin did a US adoption in Georgia and she would be more than happy to talk to you about their process.  They got the call about their son's birth at my wedding reception. 
    Posted by nicoleg1982[/QUOTE]

    I guess that means you have to get married again, and invite me and PT ;)
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  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If that's the outcome, sure!  :)
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    2 of my counsins were adopted from South Korea - but that was 30+ years ago. I have several co-workers who have done overseas adoptions and have had good experiences - the one most recently has a 3yo daughter from Guatamala.

    I have a friend from high school/college who adopted a little boy (domestic) after fostering him for a year.

    i can imagine that even if they went back and sued the birth parents for the medical bills that the birth parents were unable to repay. After all, if they were rolling in dough, would they be considering giving the child up for adoption?

    I would think that the adoptive couple should not be required to pay any of the medical bills until after the baby is signed over. (but maybe that's too much like buying the baby?)
  • edited December 2011
    Barbie - Right....if you try to sue these parents, I imagine you'd come up with a big bunch of nothing except more lawyer's fees. 

    A professor at my graduate program adopted a handful of kids from Guatamala. The oldest had medical issues and is now starting to have major behavioral problems. But that could be the case if she had given birth to him.
     
    H's aunt adopted a kid......that is a happy IRL story I know. I have to recant my earlier statement.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I know a lot of IRL good adoption stories too.  I babysat for 3 families that adopted, one started fostering the 2 kids first though.  I also know a good story from someone putting the baby up.

    I'm sorry your family is sucking. 

    Maybe the SAHM is about her, not her job status. 
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