Mother & Fiance Tug of War

CEG220 · March 2013

My fiance and I are originally from NJ but now live in Tennessee. Our families are still in NJ. My mother wants us to have the wedding in NJ and my fiance wants it in Tennessee. The cost of the NJ wedding is more than twice as much as a Tennessee wedding. My parents are willing to help with the additional cost, but my fiance doesn't want anyone to spend that much money. My parents think people won't travel down here and my fiance thinks our Tennessee friends won't travel to NJ. I'm stuck in the middle and can't decide what to do. Either way, somebody is going to be mad at me. What do I do???

Wzz · March 2013

what do YOU want to do, and would your FI be in agreement?

i would pretend the money from mom doesn't exist - because really, until they hand a check over, you don't have that money to count on.

people wil lhave to travel to either wedding, and some will have to travel even if they are in NJ. it's not going to be around the corner from everyone no matter when you get married.

CandCWedding2013 · March 2013

This is the same problem we had. My FI's whole world is in Quebec but we live in Calgary now. The cost to travel here is astronomical which is why we opted for Vegas. In the end everyone ends up paying to come to our wedding which we thought was more fair.. The people in Quebec actually spend less than if they were coming here. Maybe you should consider a destination wedding....

Heffalump · March 2013

People won't be able to make regardless of where you have it, unfortunately--schedule conflicts, you name it. That's life. I wouldn't let it drive your decision.

If you genuinely can't decide, then honestly, I think the groom's wishes trump the MOB's. She's not the one getting married.

MNNEBride · March 2013

You will never please everyone. Make a decision that is best for you and your fiance and stick with it.
FWIW:
I think it's much easier to plan a wedding where you live. Meetings with vendors and
venues are so much more convenient.

ReturnOfKuus · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mother-fiance-tug-of-war?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:443abdda-d5cc-4227-8cb0-aa064ec4a6dfPost:ab3c36e9-f6b8-4940-896e-919033aa81e7">Re: Mother & Fiance Tug of War</a>:
[QUOTE]People won't be able to make regardless of where you have it, unfortunately--schedule conflicts, you name it. That's life. I wouldn't let it drive your decision. If you genuinely can't decide, then honestly, I think the groom's wishes trump the MOB's. She's not the one getting married.
Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this.