My family.

NOLABridesmaid

I hate to talk about them. I do love them, and they aren't all stuck. But them are.

They're stuck in 1973. For reals.

My aunt is a trip and has no shame. Not one ounce of shame. She will talk about ANYTHING with ANYONE.  Just think of anything you would choose not to share. She shares.

Let's get back to why they are stuck in 1973. She has about 3 pictures of black Jesus in her house. That in itself isn't bad, but they're framed and include the Black Last Supper picture on her wall.





Plus, she has a picture of Black Jesus on her coffee table where she keeps the Crown, Vodka, and Hennessey. ON THE SAME TABLE. Who does that?

NOLABridesmaid

them=they

MinM

Jesus turned water into wine. It stands to reason he would be OK with the harder stuff

hmonkey

:: pats brow ::

NOLABridesmaid

So, we get to her house. My uncle picks us up in his car that is covered in dog hair. I was wearing a black coat, so I was covered in white dog hair. I spent 30 minutes with a wet towel and lent brush trying to get it off.

I walk in the house and the wave of smoke hits me. Everyone smokes. It's like a Marlboro factory in that house. I sat there the entire time fanning.





I try to sit down but her sofa is covered in purses. Robert(the purse man) just came by and she tells me to pick out of the array of hot purses. They all have Dillard tags on them. Everything she owns is HOT. Not HOT Attire, but hot out of someone's trunk.

I'm like, "I'm good, Tee-Tee." She would not let me leave without a purse. So, the guy walks up to my sister and pulls out of trash bag full of jeans. Every name brand you can think of. All you can do is laugh. That's all you can do.

hmonkey

:: clutches pearls ::

MrsMyrtle

This

"Everything she owns is HOT. Not HOT Attire, but hot out of someone's trunk."

Has me laughing like there's no tomorrow.

NOLABridesmaid

Y'all I'm am so not lying. This all happened, and more.

ReturnOfKuus

I am amazed and delighted that this is your background.

NOLABridesmaid

Kuus, I was raised in a different city. THANK YOU, Jesus. Oh. Thank You, Black Jesus, I should say.

zsazsa-stl

WHAT?!?!

itstaylor

I went to funeral at a black Methodist church last week.  I am from Detroit and was raised by a grandfather who was a preacher in  a large church there that participated in city things with black churches all the time.  So, I was prepared for the difference than my hands at the side Baptist church.  Anyway, the lady preacher spent over an hour preaching about this subject.  She said that she could point at just about anybody in there who gave her amens on sunday and then went home and drank and lived like the devil. She said she could go in just about every house and pull out the booze.  She was hilarious, I loved it, she would say "can I get a witness"  literally after every sentence. She told them like it was, and I could hear little old ladies all around me agreeing with her.

MinM

Man, all my family has at funerals is deviled eggs and a ham. I wish we had purses and jeans that had fallen out of the back of a truck.

NOLABridesmaid

I just remembered one more. So, I'm sitting there chilling with the fam, and my cousin walks up with a bag.

She says, "Nola, what would you like to drink?", and opens up a bag full of mini airplane bottles of alcohol. I laugh again. I'm like,'I'm good."

She takes out two bottles of vodka, and says, "Maybe some for later."

They have a friend that works for an airline.

By the end of the night, there were mini bottles all over that house. Heck, I even made myself a drink. There is no way you can stand it without one.

NOLABridesmaid

Min, you would have laughed and laughed the entire night.

MinM

NOLA - Your bringing me with you next time. You know I'm always down for some freeze booze and a handbag.

*Barbie*

this is like a Hollywood funeral, what with the gift bags and samples.

Paulo's Menina Bela

0_0 wow

NOLABridesmaid

Zilla, it is like a movie.