Wedding Woes

Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???

Here is a lil FYI to help you understand a little better.  I went to school with this guest and a couple other guests invited. All of the other guests at school that were invited have mailed their rsvp back to me already ( they were do May 14) This guest told me verbally that she would be coming. I didn't write anything down thnking she would have the courtesy to mail it back to me. Who wouldn't mail an already addressed and stamped envelope back, but she didn't. So I have made plans for how many guest and everything. Now after all the chairs and tables have been ordered, she says to me i didn't mail that back is it okay that I still come? what do I say?

This girl has graduated and lost touch with me. Hasn't even txt to say what's up or anything. Then she came back to school for further education and wants to pick up where things left off. 

The other irony to this situation, this guest repeatedly bashes my aunt and her work. I tell her I don't want to hear about it. It's my family for crying out loud.. how my aunt chooses to do her work is her right...  My aunt respects that I don't want to hear about it. All of this has happened since she left school and returned. How do I tell this guest sorry but you cause too much conflict you have been uninvited?

I know it's cheesey because I already invited her but these issues didn't start until after all the invites were mailed out.




In response to some of you... this guest chose to wait to rsvp verbally until after the date. May 14 was the cut off. I said quite a few times that I still need the paper back. That is how I am counting the rsvp's. It's not like I can call these people and say o by the way because ppl are lazy and discourteous I know need extra chairs and tables...  o and yeah the changing of the info now 2 weeks before the wedding I don't mind paying the extra fees... put yourself in my shoes!

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Re: Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???

  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Sorry.  You really couldn't uninvite someone (RSVP or no) without looking like a huge jerk.

    I'm sure she'll (the guest) have enough tact to not verbally bash anyone during your actual wedding or reception.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:b95f6bd7-7ec5-4928-9fb5-c38e3cd694d8">Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here is a lil FYI to help you understand a little better.  I went to school with this guest and a couple other guests invited. All of the other guests at school that were invited have mailed their rsvp back to me already ( they were do May 14) This guest told me verbally that she would be coming. I didn't write anything down thnking she would have the courtesy to mail it back to me. Who wouldn't mail an already addressed and stamped envelope back, but she didn't. So I have made plans for how many guest and everything. Now after all the chairs and tables have been ordered, she says to me i didn't mail that back is it okay that I still come? what do I say? This girl has graduated and lost touch with me. Hasn't even txt to say what's up or anything. Then she came back to school for further education and wants to pick up where things left off.  The other irony to this situation, this guest repeatedly bashes my aunt and her work. I tell her I don't want to hear about it. It's my family for crying out loud.. how my aunt chooses to do her work is her right...  My aunt respects that I don't want to hear about it. All of this has happened since she left school and returned. How do I tell this guest sorry but you cause too much conflict you have been uninvited? I know it's cheesey because I already invited her but these issues didn't start until after all the invites were mailed out.
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    If she hadn't verbally RSVP'd to you I'd say tell her that you've already given the numbers to your caterer. But she <strong>did</strong> RSVP. She <strong>told you</strong> she was coming. That is an RSVP.
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You invited her.  She accepted.  It doesn't really matter that you didn't like the way she accepted the invite.  Also, it doesn't matter that you don't like the guest NOW.  You already invited her and she already accepted.  Unless she slept with the groom or something, it's seriously rude of you to try and un-invite her now.  Stop trying to cause drama and suck it up.  I doubt you'll even really notice her all that much on the big day.
  • merivale87merivale87 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, you chose to invite her and now it's done. She's invited. 

    If she told you verbally that she will be there, why didn't you count her? Or ask her before the final count for the RSVP card back? It sounds like she actually said "I will be attending your wedding." 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    here's the thing.

    You're listing a lot of excuses to justify why you want to back out.  They don't matter.  They are never going to BE justification for wanting her out.  Your options really are:

    1) Suck it up.
    2) Be a rude twat.

    Pick one and live with it.  But don't ask us to validate you for it.

    HTH.  YWIA.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:29b526b5-be5e-4b7d-897a-8f38c2f5dce5">Re: Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes... I understand that she rsvp'd verbally but I did tell her I still need the paper back that's how I count. I told everyone I need the paper back numerous times and she is the only one that did not mail it back. and she rsvp'd after date.
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    So uninvite her if you want.  But you'll look like an ass.  Did you really not order a single extra chair? 

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:29b526b5-be5e-4b7d-897a-8f38c2f5dce5">Re: Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes... I understand that she rsvp'd verbally but I did tell her I still need the paper back that's how I count. I told everyone I need the paper back numerous times and she is the only one that did not mail it back. <strong>and she rsvp'd after date</strong>.
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    Really? That's not what you said before. Re-read what you wrote and don't back pedal. She RSVP'd that she's coming. Just because you're incapable of accepting anything BUT a mailed back piece of paper doesn't mean that she didn't RSVP. You're stuck unless you want to look like a giant douche (much like you have here, already) to everyone IRL.
  • edited December 2011
    she TOLD you she was going to come.  but you still didn't account for her?

    i'm sorry, but that's on you.

    yeah, she should have returned the RSVP, but she didn't.  she probably thought she didn't have to because she told you TO YOUR FACE, that you should expect her.

  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    The R in RSVP stands for "respondez."  Which means respond.  Which she did, when she told you she was coming.  Why are we still talking about this?
  • Cutchall5Cutchall5 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    well then I guess i am going to choose to tell her... like I told everyone else. Sorry you didn't respond in time I didn't account for you and all your guest that you chose to bring. besides it is about me and not you!

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:b95f6bd7-7ec5-4928-9fb5-c38e3cd694d8">Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here is a lil FYI to help you understand a little better.  I went to school with this guest and a couple other guests invited. All of the other guests at school that were invited have mailed their rsvp back to me already ( they were do May 14) This guest told me verbally that she would be coming. I didn't write anything down thnking she would have the courtesy to mail it back to me. Who wouldn't mail an already addressed and stamped envelope back, but she didn't. So I have made plans for how many guest and everything. Now after all the chairs and tables have been ordered, she says to me i didn't mail that back is it okay that I still come? what do I say? This girl has graduated and lost touch with me. Hasn't even txt to say what's up or anything. Then she came back to school for further education and wants to pick up where things left off.  The other irony to this situation, this guest repeatedly bashes my aunt and her work. I tell her I don't want to hear about it. It's my family for crying out loud.. how my aunt chooses to do her work is her right...  My aunt respects that I don't want to hear about it. All of this has happened since she left school and returned. How do I tell this guest sorry but you cause too much conflict you have been uninvited? I know it's cheesey because I already invited her but these issues didn't start until after all the invites were mailed out. In response to some of you... this guest chose to wait to rsvp verbally until after the date. May 14 was the cut off. I said quite a few times that I still need the paper back. That is how I am counting the rsvp's.<strong> It's not like I can call these people</strong> and say o by the way because ppl are lazy and discourteous I know need extra chairs and tables...  o and yeah the changing of the info now 2 weeks before the wedding I don't mind paying the extra fees... put yourself in my shoes!
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    uh, you can't physically pick up the phone to ask people if they are coming or not?  becuse that's what normal people do in this situation. 

    how many other times in your life did you just assume people would follow through, cut them out of your plans, and later find out they intended on following through after all?

    i'm guessing a lot.  grown ups follow up with people when they need to know information.  you may want to work on that.
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Oh nice.  Pull the "I'm a BRIDE" card.  That's ridiculous.
  • edited December 2011
    Just order the chair and meal and save your friendship. Or risk looking like a huge ass because someone didn't stick to sending back your RSVP. What would you do if her house burned down and your invite/rsvp was in it?
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  • edited December 2011
    Well, I was right. You're not only a giant douche online but clearly you're one in real life too. That's just sad.
  • Cutchall5Cutchall5 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I did call everyone twice... if I didn't reach them I left messages I need an answer. I am not stupid I gave as much courtesy to everyone as I could.

  • edited December 2011
    except that she actually RSVP'd to you and you chose to disregard it because it wasn't in your preferred manner and you are completely inflexible.
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Y'know, here's the thing:

    If she did RSVP, even verbally, after the date, you could have nicely said, "I'm so sorry, I've already turned in the number and I can't accomadate someone else now."  OR you can just suck it up.  No professional caterer in the world is going to be OMGTHERESANEXTRAPERSONHOWCANIDEAL.  I have a feeling instead you've been sitting around fuming about how she isn't playing by your rules and you don't like her anymore.

    FINE.  But lemme tell you...there are going to be people who show up who never RSVPd, even after your 2 courtesy phone calls.  You'd better have a table for extras just in case.  Sit her there for pete's sake.  You are way too damn uptight about one extra guest.
  • The Real PRThe Real PR member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're a flucking idiot.
  • Cutchall5Cutchall5 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    People let me give you a small insite into where I am coming from... My wedding is in 2 weeks. I have already been socked with fees out the ass trying to accomodate guests. This day is supposed to be about celebrating the love my fiance and I have. Not about shelling out thousands more because my options aren't up to your standards.  And by the way I do tell her to her face that I don't want to hear about my aunt. She follows me like she is a lost puppy.
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hire bodyguards to throw her out.

    That's what  you want to hear, right?
    image
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    [Friend's name], please don't talk badly about my aunt to me.  I realize you don't like her work.  That's your opinion, but she is my family and I would ask you to respect that.

    The.  End.

    Using words isn't hard for an adult.

    So, if you've already had to spend thousands of dollars to accomadate guests, which honestly smacks ot me of bigger issues, WTH is one more really going to do to you?

    Also, 2 weeks before your wedding and THIS is what you're focusing on?  You've got something else going on here.  What's really bothering you?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:9ab2b8ce-0a91-4143-9304-5631f65d91eb">Re: Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]People let me give you a small insite into where I am coming from... My wedding is in 2 weeks. I have already been socked with fees out the ass trying to accomodate guests. <strong>This day is supposed to be about celebrating the love my fiance and I have. Not about shelling out thousands more because my options aren't up to your standards</strong>.  And by the way I do tell her to her face that I don't want to hear about my aunt. She follows me like she is a lost puppy.
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    Then you should have opted to elope and avoid all of the costs associated with throwing a huge party. This is why you budget for each and every person invited not just the ones who RSVP in your preferred manner. Had you budgeted for every person on your invite list you wouldn't be in this mess.
  • edited December 2011
    Cut, I'm all kinds of confused.

    This day is supposed to be about celebrating the love my fiance and I have. Not about shelling out thousands more because my options aren't up to your standards
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_invited-un-rsvpd-guesthelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:46b5e93a-02ba-4193-abad-26ba737070f1Post:9ab2b8ce-0a91-4143-9304-5631f65d91eb">Re: Invited un-RSVP'd Guest...help???</a>:
    [QUOTE]People let me give you a small insite into where I am coming from... My wedding is in 2 weeks. I have already been socked with fees out the ass trying to accomodate guests. This day is supposed to be about celebrating the love my fiance and I have. Not about shelling out thousands more because my options aren't up to your standards.  And by the way I do tell her to her face that I don't want to hear about my aunt. She follows me like she is a lost puppy.
    Posted by Cutchall5[/QUOTE]

    You made up your mind before you even posted. You just want validation.

    Tell her she's not welcome. If she wanted to come she would have RSVP'd like the rest of them. She's wrong, you're right, and everyone agrees with you. /validation
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm just waiting for Captain Save-a-Beebee to come tell all of you how wrong you are.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    so you only invited her in the first place so she'd be obligated to buy you a gift? That's what I'm getting out of all of this... 

    you're a douchebag

  • edited December 2011
    And I guess you don't understand what "troll" means, WifeZilla. At least you got the size part right in your handle. What's the matter, did they revoke your Lane Bryant card again? That's real classy, call someone else stupid for an honest post. Doesn't feel so good on the receiving end, does it...but then, you probably haven't received "it" for years. No surprise.

    EDIT: Oh, Barbie, you're so cool too. By the way, the Pens suck. Nice job against Montreal; I think one of your used tampons would have put up a better fight.
  • edited December 2011
    So, I'm curious. Who are you? You clearly just made your profile, so I'm guessing you're one of the scorned coming back for blood?

    I'll give you some pointers:

    You need more posts under your belt before you actually get to people.

    You need to do some research. Your posts will be more insulting if you have more information to go off of.

    You might want to rethink the "you're a fatty" insults. They're weak and openly made fun of by the people on this board.  As are the "I feel sorry for your husband" or any variant.
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  • Cutchall5Cutchall5 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    So I just wanted to fill you guys in on the outcome of everything...not that you actually care. But I sucked it up.. ordered extra stuff to accomodate this person and her guest.... the outcome! she didn't even show up. which didn't bother me at all. I was so involved in my husband and our special day that not much bothered me at all...

    But thank you all so much for leaving your opinions.

  • edited December 2011
    Good for you for sucking it up, and better that she didn't come... right?
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