Ah! Help =[ Future brother-in-law is engaged...She's awful!

gudselakwedding

Here's the issue...

My fiance and I are getting married July 21, 2012.  Four years ago when we started dating, I stupidly introduced his brother to my best friend at the time.  I didn't think anything of it as she was 14 and he was 19.  Sure enough over the last four years they've broken up at least 8 times, fight constantly, and our friendship has ended horribly.  Two months ago VERY UNEXPECTEDLY she dropped out of my wedding for essentially no reason at all.

Today his brother proposed.  Ah!!!  Now she wants to get married next August, September, or June!! Right around my wedding date.  I've been engaged for over a year already and have had my date picked for that long.  I'm dreading this next year and having her apart of my life forever.   It's because of her that I don't get along with my future brother-in-law & there is stress and drama in my life.

WHAT DO i DO!!? I need advice before I go crazy...

blahblah85

She was only 14 when he started dating her?  Don't you see something wrong with that? 

She isn't even getting married in the same month as you.  I think, perhaps, you might be making this drama up in your mind.  We don't get to pick our family members, and instead of focusing on how your friendship ended, maybe you should focus on why you were her friend in the first place.  Honestly, it sounds like you both could do some growing up.

gudselakwedding

nicely put. obviously I didn't go into detail about A LOT that has happened in the past 4 years.. but yeah there are some deep issues to deal with. 
thanks for the support

tesskerr

There will always will be people in your family, married to your family, extended family, inlaws, cousins, etc who you can't stand. Nothing you can do about it, sorry! How can she go from being your best friend, in your wedding party, to all of a sudden being awful?

Also, who cares if you were engaged first, what has that go to do with her being awful.

Are you both 18? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it sounds like you both may be a little immature in how you are behaving towards each other. If you want people to respect you, especially seeing as you are both getting married young, you will need to both start to behave like grown women and not children, otherwise all you will hear is that you are too young to get married.

I have been with my FI for nearly ten years (I was 13, he was 15, we are now 23 and 25) and it would have never crossed my mind to get married at 18. It was something I have always wanted to do, but there really is no rush. We started living together when I was 16, I bought my own business when I was 18, we are about to buy a house, have had lots of over seas holidays and lived a really great life, without being married.

If you are set on getting married, just remember that a wedding is a day (ONE DAY) to celebrate the start or your (your and for FI) marriage. It is not a wedding week or a wedding month or a wedding year, it is to celebrate your marriage with your friends and family, and your ex-friend getting married has nothing to do with you, and your and FI wedding day.

If you have genuine reasons that you think your soon to be BIL should not marry this person (she cheats on him, steals his money, is planning on murder...) then it is up to your FI to talk to his brother, if he chooses to, about it. Again, none of your business.

Just be happy in planning your wedding, don't let her stress you out.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ah-future-brother-law-engagedshes-awful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:480edff0-79eb-4b9b-89f3-f049e71a49e9Post:e57ee92a-4de1-43d0-a14c-a3bf8549ce3f">Ah! Help =[ Future brother-in-law is engaged...She's awful!</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the issue... My fiance and I are getting married July 21, 2012.  Four years ago when we started dating, I stupidly introduced his brother to my best friend at the time.  I didn't think anything of it as she was 14 and he was 19.  Sure enough over the last four years they've broken up at least 8 times, fight constantly, and our friendship has ended horribly.  Two months ago VERY UNEXPECTEDLY she dropped out of my wedding for essentially no reason at all. Today his brother proposed.  Ah!!!  Now she wants to get married next August, September, or June!! Right around my wedding date.  I've been engaged for over a year already and have had my date picked for that long.  I'm dreading this next year and having her apart of my life forever.   It's because of her that I don't get along with my future brother-in-law & there is stress and drama in my life.<strong> WHAT DO i DO!!?</strong> I need advice before I go crazy...
Posted by gudselakwedding[/QUOTE]
... i'm assuming you're 18-ish? Wait another 5 years, grow up a little, get some life experience, go to college, and then think about getting married.

chocolategirl3000

I FEEL YOUR PAIN. My fiances cousin did the same thing to us. We had a long engagment and then they plopped their wedding two weeks infront of ours and never even said a word about it to us. 2012 is a long time away- I wouldn't freak out yet. so much can change!!!

ReturnOfKuus

I think we need to hear about the drama with your old friend.

klm03013

There is nothing you can do. All you can do is try to be nice to her so your relationship isn't awful. You can't choose your in-laws, and you can't pick her wedding date.

gudselakwedding

Well no I'm not 18 like her.  It's hard to judge people without hearing the whole story and with me only expressing bits of it in a blog. 

For those of you that were acutally SUPPORTIVE on a blog where brides are supposed to support brides, thank you. 
Everyone else who assumes i'm 18, you shouldn't be on here. Obviously you are bitter for some reason or another. 

It's hard when we are such a close nit italian family.  everyone talks bad about everyone else.. i'm just a little worried that with two weddings being planned and our weddings being a month and a half away from each other that it will always be a competition. I just don't want to deal with that...

GeauxTigers17

I'm sorry you're stressed out by her. I got engaged and set a date for a year later; my cousin got engaged months later and picked a date 3 weeks before ours. It happens. I was much more annoyed when she found out the date of the engagement party my parents' friends are throwing us, and set hers the weekend before because she wanted hers to be first. The way I see it, there's no point getting upset when the only person that hurts is you- my mom calls it drinking the poison and waiting for them to die. So just enjoy planning your wedding, and treat the dramatic folks in your life as if they are an anthropology study. Don't engage the crazy.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ah-future-brother-law-engagedshes-awful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:480edff0-79eb-4b9b-89f3-f049e71a49e9Post:0f116e28-750c-4f2b-ab88-23529e9d91c2">Re: Ah! Help =[ Future brother-in-law is engaged...She's awful!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well no I'm not 18 like her.  It's hard to judge people without hearing the whole story and with me only expressing bits of it in a blog.  For those of you that were acutally SUPPORTIVE on a blog where brides are supposed to support brides, thank you.  Everyone else who assumes i'm 18, you shouldn't be on here. Obviously you are bitter for some reason or another.  It's hard when we are such a close nit italian family.  everyone talks bad about everyone else.. i'm just a little worried that with two weddings being planned and our weddings being a month and a half away from each other that it will always be a competition. I just don't want to deal with that...
Posted by gudselakwedding[/QUOTE]

<div>1. Way to dodge the age question. How old are you, really? Even if you're 25, you don't sound mature enough to be getting married.</div><div>
</div><div>2. Forum, not blog. Big difference.</div><div>
</div><div>3. You shouldn't need "support" to plan a party. You need support when you have a miscarriage or lose your job or get diagnosed with cancer, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>4. You get. One. Day. Not months. So chill out because she can get married whenever she wants.</div>

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ah-future-brother-law-engagedshes-awful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:480edff0-79eb-4b9b-89f3-f049e71a49e9Post:2d2577e7-3840-41b8-8260-bc4fd578770b">Re: Ah! Help =[ Future brother-in-law is engaged...She's awful!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you're stressed out by her. I got engaged and set a date for a year later; my cousin got engaged months later and picked a date 3 weeks before ours. It happens. I was much more annoyed when she found out the date of the engagement party my parents' friends are throwing us, and set hers the weekend before because she wanted hers to be first. <strong>The way I see it, there's no point getting upset when the only person that hurts is you- my mom calls it drinking the poison and waiting for them to die. So just enjoy planning your wedding, and treat the dramatic folks in your life as if they are an anthropology study. Don't engage the crazy.</strong>
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

<div>This is excellent advice, by the way.</div>

gudselakwedding

Just to update everyone... she broke off the engagement. A few weeks ago she realised she's only 19 and doesn't want to get married. She admitted to getting caught up in my engagement and wanting the same things but when it came time to really start planning the wedding she realised that she doesn't want to settle down and get married.

AuntFlo

Oh, well thank God you came back to this blog and updated us!