i was going to post this in canada, but it looks like they deleted my old family ties post. looks like they are really into border security there. up yours, stephen harper!
okay, so this will be a little ranty. AND I AM NOT SORRY.
jennifer gets the a plot: she comes home to the b plot, which is alex and andy reading a republican pop-up book. in it, george schultz is waving to nancy and ronald reagan. in reality, nancy is probably giving dutch the finger behind her back.
jennifer is closely followed by simon, who is stereotypically nerdy: thin, small, unruly black hair with large glasses. basically, he looks like a white boy version of a young me, but because he isn't asian and a girl, it is not an adorable look. ha ha, white people. simon is fawning all over jennifer, telling her that she is the sun and the moon. she flat out tells him that she is not interested, so he offers her some diamond earrings that are the earring version of the star trek ring. jennifer says no again and simon begs her to say she'll go out with him and refuses to leave until she says "maybe." he finally leaves and alex says that she should give him a chance.
HOLY #$*(
@&# I LOST IT AND STARTED YELLING AT THE SCREEN. issue the first: i hate it when women are told to give someone a chance or to be nice and not cause trouble. men are never told this and when women do this, sometimes they end up being hunted in the woods (i also watched "law and order: suv" last night). issue the second: we just watched simon go from clueless to insistent to frustrated stalker. you do not give in "just this once" to these people -- it just teaches them that they need to do all of this in order to get your attention. this is terrible advice, you guys. it's not like i think simon is going to skinsuit jennifer (he's so scrawn that andy could take him out) but it's just uncomfortable. she does not need to be nice to someone that does not listen to her or give her feelings any merit, and too often, women feel they have to be the peacekeeper by pushing down their own needs.
okay, i'm back.
the rest of the family comes in and wants to know who the idiot skipping across the lawn was. jennifer explains, and then says there is a dude she is interested in, roger, and he is the hotness, so you know that means he wears z cavarrichis and thin cotton turtlenecks. maybe the hot guys at your school wore something difference. ymmv is what i'm saying.
so there's this dance coming up, but all the classes are segregated. each class must attend their own dance, or go as the date of another classman. and then i guess each dance is further segregated into white and other. i'm just speculating because this dance system doesn't make any sense. what high school has the space, money, and number of williing chaperones to make this happen?
because jennifer is a freshman, she cannot attend the sophomore dance (where roger will be) unless accompanied by a sophomore like simon. OH DILEMMA. alex convinces her to go and that it will be fine. alex, i want to punch you in the damn face right now.
there is another scene where simon shows up, unannounced and uninvited (i'm so mad, you guys) and he is carrying a wedding cake. the cake is three tiers with a pink "congratulations" written on the second tier. there is a tulle topper and a tulle skirt. no one eats the cake (WHAT) so i don't know what filling or flavors are in there (see why i'm so mad, zsa?)
simon shows up for the dance and he is wearing a tuxedo. at least they had the sense not to put him in a ruffly tux. jennifer is wearing a dark green taffetta dress that td would totally hate, so she is lucky i cannot find a picture. yes, it is stiff as hell, but at least it takes attention away from jennifer's hair.
they go to the dance, and jennifer doesn't want to dance. roger appears, and jennifer then asks simon to dance so she can get closer to roger. this doesn't make any sense because jennifer can just walk away on her own; now she has simon the albatross slung around her neck. so simon ... dances. y'all, it's not pretty. it would be one thing if he could c walk or dougie, but there are arms, legs and elbows everywhere. at this point, i would like to remind you all of my college boyfriend (the short, bald, paunchy one) and tell you that he danced JUST LIKE that and i thought it was dorkily adorable (please note that he was short, haired and fit at the time). yes, young hmo was a fool but not too much of a fool to continue dating him.
they get close to roger and jennifer ditches simon to talk to him. omg you guys -- it turns out that roger is mean. it's like people who are pretty on the outside are sometimes not pretty on the inside! wtf, man! who knew?
roger's girlfriend comes up and is all, "who are these nerdlingers?" let's just say that the actress who plays roger's girlfriend turns into
this <-- clicky, so good work, casting directors! (there is also a guy at the dance named brad. brad and roger? these names give me 80s nostalgia.)
simon gets all upset that jennifer denied knowing him, and he leaves. somewhere, a rooster crows.
jennifer gets back home and elyse and steven are all "you mean roger was as mean to you as you were to simon?" OH SNAP, SON. simon comes in and they agree to start over as friends. and then he offers to give her an anklet which is a) totally white trash and b) totes showing that he does not understand "friends" or "boundaries" and she should just not be his friend. seriously, j-dawg, it's okay to enforce your boundaries and not feel like you have to be nice to someone who steps over them. to you and so many women like you, i say
