Wedding now feels like a chore

pumpkinxoxo14

My love and I have talked about this and have not come up with anything to help this. My mother wants nothing to do with me or my wedding, all because I am getting married earlier than she wants me too. My mother has never really been my mother for most of my life, and I have tried to discuses my wedding with her, but all I get is a nasty comment about me or the wedding. Tonight I mentioned one small detail to her and she looked me in the eye and told me that she does not want to hear about my wedding again... the wedding now has become a chore feeling and I do not have a support system from any one else in my family, nor really with any  friends because I am considered "weird". Any one have an idea to help me stay happy about this?? I know I should be because my future hubby is there but he can't fill that void and he realizes this.  I just need help with ideas.. I' stuck living with my mom for another 6 1/2 moths and I don't know how I can put up with the pain of her rejection any more. (no I can't move out because I am under 18, please no comment on how young I am. I get it enough!)  HELP

Lored

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-now-feels-like-a-chore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:4f5971d6-2dbe-4323-b9ec-7d4919f04753Post:8298dd80-3750-4bfa-a4de-b6ea9bc32877">Wedding now feels like a chore</a>:
[QUOTE]My love and I have talked about this and have not come up with anything to help this. My mother wants nothing to do with me or my wedding, all because I am getting married earlier than she wants me too. My mother has never really been my mother for most of my life, and I have tried to discuses my wedding with her, but all I get is a nasty comment about me or the wedding. Tonight I mentioned one small detail to her and she looked me in the eye and told me that she does not want to hear about my wedding again... the wedding now has become a chore feeling and I do not have a support system from any one else in my family, nor really with any  friends because I am considered "weird". Any one have an idea to help me stay happy about this?? I know I should be because my future hubby is there but he can't fill that void and he realizes this.  I just need help with ideas.. I' stuck living with my mom for another 6 1/2 moths and I don't know how I can put up with the pain of her rejection any more. (no I can't move out because I am under 18, please no comment on how young I am. I get it enough!)  HELP
Posted by pumpkinxoxo14[/QUOTE]




This is probably not going to go well...

If you are under 18, you should not be planning a wedding. Sigh.

Knottie_22382102

You come to this board looking for advice, and we take this seriously, so please understand that.  Sometimes the best advice is the advice you don't want to hear (and even ask specifically not to hear it. If you don't want to hear it, it doesn't mean it is bad advice.

You should not be getting married this young or planning a wedding. Your mother should be upset with you about this and not encouraging of it. That is how a responsible parent would act if their teenage daughter is talking about wedding planning.

There should be no rush for this. You should live together when you are of age. Do that first. Do that for several years before getting married. Go to school or start a career, start to learn how to support yourselves and HAVE FUN. There's no reason to do something as serious as marriage so young.

[Deleted User]

Sorry but I can see why your Mom isn't taking your wedding seriously. You are so young, why the need to rush to the altar now? Enjoy life right now, don't try to grow up so fast. When I was 17 the last thing on my mind was getting married. I was so caught up in my own life and, quite frankly, being shallow that I didn't want to worry about growing up just yet. A heads up, you're not going to hear what you want to on these forums. The ladies on here will not sugar coat anything for you, they will give you the hard, cold truth. Feel free to stick around here, you can learn a lot.

Weezy56

If I was your mother I'd feel the same way. 17 is way too young to be married. Wait any least a few years to make sure this is really what you want. How old is your F? Has he finished his education? What are y'all's life goals? After the wedding where will you live? Will y'all be able to support yourselves? These are important questions you need to ask yourself. If you cannot afford the cost of living or a wedding, you should not be getting married.

kerbohl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-now-feels-like-a-chore?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4f5971d6-2dbe-4323-b9ec-7d4919f04753Post:fd03f6d8-0347-4c2c-a8cb-944c1c26d632">Re: Wedding now feels like a chore</a>:
[QUOTE]You come to this board looking for advice, and we take this seriously, so please understand that.  Sometimes the best advice is the advice you don't want to hear (and even ask specifically not to hear it. If you don't want to hear it, it doesn't mean it is bad advice. You should not be getting married this young or planning a wedding. Your mother should be upset with you about this and not encouraging of it. That is how a responsible parent would act if their teenage daughter is talking about wedding planning. There should be no rush for this. You should live together when you are of age. Do that first. Do that for several years before getting married. <strong>Go to school or start a career, start to learn how to support yourselves and HAVE FUN.</strong> There's no reason to do something as serious as marriage so young.
Posted by MuppetFan[/QUOTE]

This cannot be stressed enough - there are so many opportunities to be had before you are "tied down" so to speak by marriage.  If you FI loves you, he'll wait and let you experience life.  Also, I have seen many people miserable because either they or their husband had not learned how to live on their own before going into a marriage.  At the very least, go rent an apartment and learn how you deal with your own space and take care of yourself before you move straight from your mother's to your husband's house. 

As to wedding planning being a chore, maybe you had too high of expectations on what wedding planning is like.  Even as a bride in her mid 20's (okay, almost late 20's) I have found that the majority of wedding planning has been a chore.  Hate to be pessimistic, but it isn't really always that fun . . .I liked going to wedding shows though!  That's always interesting . . .

Dchacha413

My Fi and I got engaged when we were 18 and 19.  We had been together a year and a half before that and had known each other since we were 14 and 15.  We are now 21 and 22 and our wedding is in 76 days.  I'm so happy we waited a little bit you never know the struggles that you can face.  where are you going to go to college?  Does he have a job?  Is he willing to drop everything and move with you to college?  If he is in college and living in a dorm how do you feel about that?  All of these issues I faced and it sucked but we made it and instead of saying your to young I will give you advice.  Stop talking to your mother about it until you are of age.  By that time there is really nothing she can say, since I assume you and FI are paying for everything.  You just need to put yourself in your mothers shoes, imagine in a few years you have a baby and instantly your entire world is changed.  Now your mother feels as if someone is trying to "take" you away from her early.  

As fir the you should be going to get an education, I completely agree no one has been more supportive of that than FI, we packed up and moved to ODU together last June and he has been the one pushing me all while he is a full time student as well.  I will tell you this is is hard.  We both are in school full time plus we both work full time.  He works at a hotel and I'm a waitress.  Here is a list of crap we owe every month just so you can see it sucks that much more...

Rent: 699
Car: 346.90
Cell phone: 140
Electric: 90
Internet: 53
Credit cards: about 400 because of wedding stuff (I don't recommend using them but sometimes you just have to)
food: about 150
Paying for your own wedding: about 10k

*Renting an apartment is tricky.  This is VERY cheap, we got it on a promotion, but if you are full time students like we are you need a co-signer aka a parent.

I'm not trying to scare you but the fact of the matter is when you get married there will be more bills health insurance and car insurance.  You are still living at home this is going to be a huge shock and I don't want to see you fail.  It can be done if you two are serious, FI and I work very hard because we know one day its going to pay off.

For the going out and having fun  When FI and I were your age we were partying together, even now I know I can go out and someone is watching out for me.  It's a win win.

Good luck, and please consider what I've told you.

Knottie_22382102

Ok here's an expansion of the above from my perspective. When I first got a place with a boyfriend (also his first place). I also bought a car. It's quite shocking to not be under your parents roof for the first time.

My expenses:
$200.00 for my car
$100.00 for my gas
$200 student loan
$100 month for car insurance

Joint Expenses:
$1200 deposit for the apartment
$900 a month for rent
$120-$350 for Electricity per month. You live in a cold climate, you'll be shocked when you get your first winter bill.
$300 Food


Things I forgot about when planning my new life:
 $250 to register the car, inspection $50, (add taxes if your state has those).
FURNITURE!!!!! You don't think about it, but you need it. We got some handmedowns, but waited a long time to get a couch and a table. We had bean bag chairs.
MOVING EXPENSES Another thing you don't think about, but need. Even with people we knew to help, there was a cost to renting a truck.

Oh, and because I was making more money, I started to have to pay taxes and horribly miscalcualted my take home income. If I hadn't gone to college, I would not have made half of what I needed to make to pay my bills at that age.


My one regret in life is that I didn't go away to college and enjoy myself. I was very serious, I was in school full time all year (no summer off), I worked 2 jobs and graduated in 3 years instead of 4. My whole goal was to get married and have kids as soon as possible. I kept getting into serious relationships. I finally got married and then realized I wasn't happy and that I didn't do a ton of things that all my friends did (like just relax and be young..travel, meet different men) and I felt absolutely stuck because of all the debt and bills we had. We divorced. It wasn't until then that I realized my parents were RIGHT the whole time in my teens when they were telling me to enjoy myself and stop being so serious.

AddieCake

May I ask WHY you want to get married right now as opposed to waiting awhile?

pumpkinxoxo14

Thank you for al of your concerns, but I have heard all of this before and if you must know, we both have steady jobs, (he actually owns a very successful business)  I am taking college classes now, we have a house purchased, and my mother, (now that she realizes this) is fine with all of this! I do not believe it is right for a man and woman to live together if they are not married! Thank you for all of your concerns but I have nothing more in my life that needs to be lived! I am ready, and excited!