social convention faux pas

*Barbie*

we had our team lunch today, and i was waiting in line for the buffet with one of my coworkers (former mentor) - he and i haven't spoken much recently, which quickly became evident, when I asked him about his wife and son.

"oh, i must not have sent you the "announcement"... we got divorced... almost a year ago - and have been seperated for two."

oops...

Wzz

i think it was nice of you to ask, that you remembered he had a wife and one son at all. what are ya gonna do.

*Barbie*

yeah. he was cool about it. i was a little embarassed. i think this means we need to go out for lunch more often.

ReturnOfKuus

The question about the son is still valid.

zsazsa-stl

Oops.  I did that once when the seperation was very recent, like within a week from from the info I gathered later.  I said "so where is your wife today?" And he said "I wouldn't know." and then walked away.  I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to the poor guy since.

DG1

I had a similar conversation, though - to be fair - I couldn't have known about the separation. It was cool, though. He had primary custody of the children, too, which I found interesting.

At least they hadn't died or something. Now THAT would have been bad. 

mrsconn23

It's OK.  How could you know?

I saw a girl at work that I hadn't seen in awhile, but we're FB friends.  She had gotten remarried recently.  I said, "Congrats on getting married again!"  Her friend laughed at my use of 'again'.  I should have just cut it off at 'married'.   I felt like an ass.

Wzz

late but....

even if they DID die, you have to expect questions about your family if you've ever shared informaiton about your family with coworkers or colleagues. i disagree that this is bad or a faux pas. it's a faux pas if the coworker felt uncomfortable and got angry with you for asking.

i still think it's nice to ask if you know he has a wife and kid. if you ask, then you care if they were separated. or dead, in DG's example.