Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

zsazsa-stl

He is fellowship chair at our church which is a terrible, terrible job for him (let us all remember the dinner parties).  He ends up not doing much because fellowship often gets combined with congregational care and the woman who is in charge of that does a great job.  However, that woman is having some major surgery in a few weeks that will take her out of commission for the rest of the year.

So last night he goes to a meeting and our pastors (a married couple who have been the pastors at our church for over 20 years) announced that they took jobs in Ohio and Christmas Eve will be their last service.  Also, they will be traveling back and forth a lot over the next few weeks to look for houses, etc.  And because of all that travel, they won't be there to host the CHRISTIAN VENTRILOQUIST that they invited to perform on a weeknight at church.  Apparently this guy has been promised a performance venue, a potluck dinner, a love offering, and....a home to stay in.  You see where this is headed.  So now not only is H on the line to organize this ridiculous event, but he is going to bring this joker AND HIS CREEPY AS HELL DUMMY into our house.  No, no, no.  I would rather pay for the nicest room in town than let that thing into my house.

AND...we have this trip planned that will take us away for at least a week and a half over Christmas but yet H is on the line to pass all going away festivities for the pastors.  I told him that he was welcome to stay home and plan cookie trays but that I was going on the trip with or without him.

**O-Face**

WAIT!!!!?!??!  This is during your NY trip!?! 

WTFvckityFvck?  Oh HEEEYAALLL no. 

zsazsa-stl

The going away party will be during our trip...not the ventriloquist. 

**O-Face**

OOOOOOoh kay.  I was worried about your big holiday trip...and that stupid ventriloquist stealing all of your furniture and lathing it into dummydom.

VarunaTT

I this post.  All of it.

Also, a collective WW slap is in order for H.

AuntFlo

1 - no good deed goes unpunished

2 - I will go on your trip with you

3 - this reminds me of when I was a teenager, I had a regular baby sitting job for a couple at church.  He was a doctor and she was a Christian ventriloquist.  They kept the dummy ("Chester") in a trunk in the living room.   Please to be remembering that I'm scared of creepy things (thank you, Dr. Bob, clown dentist extraordinaire!) (plus, I watched way too many scary movies and Twilight Zones as a youth.)   I avoided the living room at all costs.  If the kid wanted to play in there, I'd have to redirect.  If I wanted to watch TV after the kid went to bed, too bad - I'm not sitting in the living room to watch it.  Guess I'll read a book in the kitchen.

PMeg819

There is a whole lot of OH HELL NO in that paragraph.

DG1

Time for you to start recruiting other help from the church. I think you're stuck with the Christian Ventriloquist (Why is there even such a thing?), but the Xmas stuff has to be delegated. No way can the "barely do his own job" guy pull off FOUR people's jobs in the middle of the holidays and his own trips. 

Wzz

my mind went to a non christian place when i read that he was promised a love offering. sorry to those i have offended, but it is what it is.

anyway. christian ventriloquist? well, that should be interesting.

and yes, there is tons of "ho sit down" in this story. sorry, mr. zsazsa, this surpasses the screwing of the basil plants.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-hi-couldnt-make-this-stuff-up-if-i-tried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:50b26a55-053c-4590-ae62-fff63c8643f8Post:5c3144fe-d6a5-4c56-9978-c3eed2d54fac">Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.</a>:
[QUOTE]my mind went to a non christian place when i read that he was promised a love offering. sorry to those i have offended, but it is what it is. anyway. christian ventriloquist? well, that should be interesting. and yes, there is tons of "ho sit down" in this story. sorry, mr. zsazsa, this surpasses the screwing of the basil plants.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. I forgot to ask what a "love offering" is. Is that like a passing of the collection basket during his performance?</div>

AuntFlo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-hi-couldnt-make-this-stuff-up-if-i-tried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:50b26a55-053c-4590-ae62-fff63c8643f8Post:e495c3a7-6593-40b7-9dfe-fa313464c558">Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. : Yes. I forgot to ask what a "love offering" is. Is that like a passing of the collection basket during his performance?
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]

Yes.   This is basically how he gets paid.

Wzz

the problem is i have been watching that show The Neighbors, so i start thinking weird things.

6fsn

Oh Mr Zsa.  I shouldn't laugh, but it is sort of funny.

DG1

Eh. Well, at least if that's expected, there's not much for you to *do* besides stack the money neatly and put it in an envelope, right? And I'd say you don't even have to put any money in yourself, seeing as how you'll be paying for his fancy lodging, either in dollars to the hotel or in houseguest stress.

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-hi-couldnt-make-this-stuff-up-if-i-tried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:50b26a55-053c-4590-ae62-fff63c8643f8Post:bd217305-feb7-434f-802f-7b743cadf5fa">Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.</a>:
[QUOTE]1 - no good deed goes unpunished 2 - I will go on your trip with you 3 - this reminds me of when I was a teenager, I had a regular baby sitting job for a couple at church.  He was a doctor and <strong>she was a Christian ventriloquist</strong>.  They kept the dummy ("Chester") in a trunk in the living room.   Please to be remembering that I'm scared of creepy things (thank you, Dr. Bob, clown dentist extraordinaire!) (plus, I watched way too many scary movies and Twilight Zones as a youth.)   I avoided the living room at all costs.  If the kid wanted to play in there, I'd have to redirect.  If I wanted to watch TV after the kid went to bed, too bad - I'm not sitting in the living room to watch it.  Guess I'll read a book in the kitchen.
Posted by AuntFlo[/QUOTE]
I cannot believe that there is more than one Christian ventriloquist in the world.  Is this a thing now?

AuntFlo

For me, this was approximately 1990 - so I wouldn't say it's a thing "now."

zsazsa-stl

My thoughts exactly, Heffa.  How is their room for two of them in the world?

GBCK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_oh-hi-couldnt-make-this-stuff-up-if-i-tried?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:50b26a55-053c-4590-ae62-fff63c8643f8Post:bd7354f9-4b14-4cbf-b16c-054ca9e968dc">Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh H...I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. : I cannot believe that there is more than one Christian ventriloquist in the world.  Is this a thing now?
Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

We need to pick a day when I tell fundie-dom stories for y'all.
Becuase, you have no idea :-P