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Worried about my FMIL... :(

So a couple of weeks ago, my future-mother-in-law was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It came as a total shock because she wasn't sick or anything-- they found it after a regular checkup. She had surgery yesterday so they could see what stage it is... and it is really advanced. Frown The prognosis isn't good, and I'm worried that she won't make it.

 

My fiance and family is stressed out, including myself. I am scared and upset, and really worried that she won't be at our wedding in four years. I don't want to lose her... Has anyone here had a similar experience that could help me? I found out at work (I'm a barista at a coffee shop on my campus) and just broke down right in front of the customers. I don't know what to do. Cry

Re: Worried about my FMIL... :(

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    You just live your life normally. That is really the best thing you can do even though it can be hard. I just lost my step dad to cancer in march two weeks after we got engaged. I am sad that he will not be at my wedding. I am sorry you are going through this. The best advice I can give is to make the most of the time with her but stay positive that she will survive. give her hope.  Get her on video!!!! I can not stress enough how much it means to have thier voice recorded. Have a serious talk with your FI about getting married sooner if she takes a turn for the worse and it is something you both feel comfortable with. Your family is in my prayers.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_worried-about-my-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:50bdcbab-d4c7-4287-b3ce-fd2097e93d9fPost:49e9e509-6ab8-4f25-bca9-6b7aa1f74f58">Re: Worried about my FMIL... :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]You just live your life normally. That is really the best thing you can do even though it can be hard. I just lost my step dad to cancer in march two weeks after we got engaged. I am sad that he will not be at my wedding. I am sorry you are going through this. The best advice I can give is to make the most of the time with her but stay positive that she will survive. give her hope.  Get her on video!!!! I can not stress enough how much it means to have thier voice recorded. Have a serious talk with your FI about getting married sooner if she takes a turn for the worse and it is something you both feel comfortable with. Your family is in my prayers.
    <p>Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Thank you so much for your kind words and your thoughts. I am so sorry you lost your step-dad. We are all going to participate in Relay for Life in August so hopefully we can all stay positive. I do intend to ask my fiance if we should move up the wedding, but I'm going to wait until this isn't so raw. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" /> Hopefully it won't come to that...</p>
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    Update:

     

    My fiance told me that he would like to get married soon, because the prognosis is grim for my FMIL. I agreed that we should move things up, but I have no idea what we are going to do! We are both in college, him unemployed and me working part-time/minimum wage with $27,000 in student loans already, our parents are already hurting financially... I don't even know how to approach our families about this without it being painful and stressful. We were originally planning to wait until we both graduated from college, but now we are looking at about a year to plan, possibly less.

     

    Please help us!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_worried-about-my-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:50bdcbab-d4c7-4287-b3ce-fd2097e93d9fPost:9c018175-fc3d-4926-9c09-caa5c0b6a6ef">Re: Worried about my FMIL... :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Update:   My fiance told me that he would like to get married soon, because the prognosis is grim for my FMIL. I agreed that we should move things up, but I have no idea what we are going to do! We are both in college, him unemployed and me working part-time/minimum wage with $27,000 in student loans already, our parents are already hurting financially... I don't even know how to approach our families about this without it being painful and stressful. We were originally planning to wait until we both graduated from college, but now we are looking at about a year to plan, possibly less.   Please help us!
    Posted by emilytwitch[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Take a couple of days and just adjust to the news before you make any decisions.  It is beyond overwhelming and emotions can take over and lead to premature decisions.</div><div>
    </div><div>I really encourage you guys to give yourselves a few days and then talk about getting married.  DO NOT get married because she has a grim prognosis.  Get married because you are READY to get married.  If she were not sick and your FI came up to you and said "let's get married next month", what would your response have been?   I'm a mom of 4 grown girls and a teenage son.  I can tell you that if I were in FMIL's shoes I wouldn't want any of my kids to take the marriage plunge until they were ready financially and emotionally.</div><div>
    </div><div>I lost my parents when I was very young and 2 of my 3 siblings in 2006 - I know how hard this is and I know how your emotions take over and might not necessarily take common sense along for the ride.</div><div>
    </div><div>Please consider things like this:  how are you going to pay the rent on a barista's paycheck along with other living expenses?  Will there be a loss in any health insurance benefits to either of you by getting married?  Do you guys have a couple grand in the bank for emergencies?</div><div>
    </div><div>Please now that my heart truly goes out to you both and I have been there several times now.  Getting off of my "mom soapbox" now.  Hugs to you both.</div>
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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Listen to kmmsg.  She has given you some wonderful advice.  I'm sorry you are going through this, but please take some time and don't rush into a major decision.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_worried-about-my-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:50bdcbab-d4c7-4287-b3ce-fd2097e93d9fPost:2b91fc2c-88a3-44c6-9c16-db3a9f48320c">Re: Worried about my FMIL... :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Listen to kmmsg.  She has given you some wonderful advice.  I'm sorry you are going through this, but please take some time and don't rush into a major decision.
    Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

    This. In my professional experience, cancer is fickle. Don't make huge life decisions based on the cancer, especially with all of the new treatments available. Yes, she could die soon, we all could -- or she could successfully complete treatment and go on with her life. I've had so many patients say to me 'I was given three months, and now it's been ten years. I guess the doctor was wrong!'

    There is always hope. Don't rush. Please, please don't rush.

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    Agree with PPs. Take some time to let it sink in before doing anything. And if you decide to get married sooner rather than later, go to the courthouse with your families or to your church and do it simply. Don't add to your debt for a party.

     Also, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago... She's fine, thank God, but it was one of the most stressful things we've ever been through as a family. If you have any questions or need anything, feel free to PM me.

    Thinking of you and the family.
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    erolliserollis member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Oh Emily, my heart goes out to you, FI and his family. Listen to all the wonderful advice you have been given by thaws lovely ladies. They are wise.
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    I definitely agree that you should take time to think it through however which would you regret more? not getting married and she passes, or you get married and she lives? Maybe its just too soon from my step dads passing to be rational. My mom was told he was stablized and we had several more days with him with. He lasted 3 hours. and she was not there. As long as you are both on the same page, and sure that you are ready to be married then I would have that discussion with your family. It is logical to have savings etc like PPs said but if it is important your family for her to see the wedding, and they have the means to help you out should an emergency arise then I would get married sooner. My step dad passed two weeks after we got engaged so moving up the wedding wasnt really an option for us. You should really think about and include her in the decision. Best of luck.
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