38 days to go and he wants to call it off

KDRachael1

My fiancé told me tonight that he's suddenly not ready to get married and wants to postpone the wedding. Which is in 38 days. The invitations have gone out, my shower/bachelorette party are next weekend out of town and everyone has already bought their plane tickets and booked hotel rooms since its a destination wedding. Wtf do I do?

JaxInBlue

I'm sorry you're going through this and I agree with cove.  You should definitely try to get into counseling together, and determine if the issues are issues that can be resolved.  If you can't get into a counselor's office, could you talk to your pastor or clergy person?

I'd also not feel bad about making the decision to postpone now (since you are, unfortunately, really short on time) and then trying to decide what to do next.  I'd much rather know that friends of mine chose to take care of themselves than to go a wedding and  hear the couple separated shortly after.

redheadfsu

1.Sorry this is happening. Has he given you any reasons as to why he isn't ready? Schedule counseling and try to fix the relationship. However, you need to have a heart to heart with him and make sure he actually wants to fix whatever is causing him cold feet. As 'not ready' may be in the first step in ending the relationship.
 
2. Send out an announcement stating "... announce that the marriage of Mary to John will not take place as scheduled." or "...regret that they must recall the invitations to the marriage of Mary to John as the wedding has been postponed" and/or call people ASAP. Guests will understand. And I don't mean to be too blunt when this is so fresh but...make sure you put any wedding gifts aside as you need to return them if the wedding doesn't go forward in the near future.

KDRachael1

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. I have a feeling this is the first step in ending the relationship. I'm going to have a serious talk with him tonight and go from there. What a nightmare.

melntaitt

Hun, I'm so sorry this happening. Sending hugs your way...let us know what's going on and I'm sure we can't do much but we'll be here if you need to talk.

GBCK

I'm sorry, and it sucks.

That being said, if he, during your talk tonight, says 'it's fine, I'm OK", do NOT take that at face value.

he's saying somethign very important to you right now--he's saying that he's not srue he wants to be married t you.  Believe him.

*Barbie*

that sucks, and it's probably for the best to question things now/split up before the wedding than to go through with it and get divorced a month or two in.

however, if i was a guest, I'd be PISSED that i made all of the plans and put out the money for a DW, only to have it cancelled. zI don't understand the folks who said they wouldn't be. You need to let folks know asap that the wedding will not be happening as planned, and apologize for the inconvenience. at this point, they may still have some time to recoup the money/cancel flights/rooms/etc., or at least get a credit to use for another trip another time.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_38-days-to-go-and-he-wants-to-call-it-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:511dafb7-7651-47f9-8a40-cb176fa3068ePost:cdc24c5a-e63c-4308-b858-8309d659f114">Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off</a>:
[QUOTE]that sucks, and it's probably for the best to question things now/split up before the wedding than to go through with it and get divorced a month or two in. however, if i was a guest, I'd be PISSED that i made all of the plans and put out the money for a DW, only to have it cancelled. zI don't understand the folks who said they wouldn't be. You need to let folks know asap that the wedding will not be happening as planned, and apologize for the inconvenience. at this point, they may still have some time to recoup the money/cancel flights/rooms/etc., or at least get a credit to use for another trip another time.
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]


If a friend broke up you would be pissed at them?  Yes she needs to tell guests ASAP. But if a close friend postponed her wedding, I would be more concerned for her well being than travel plans (those can be refunded or moved, maybe with a small loss).

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_38-days-to-go-and-he-wants-to-call-it-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:511dafb7-7651-47f9-8a40-cb176fa3068ePost:e8802883-c264-42c2-856b-ad4218b61aa3">Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off : If a friend broke up you would be pissed at them?  Yes she needs to tell guests ASAP. But if a close friend postponed her wedding, I would be more concerned for her well being than travel plans (those can be refunded or moved, maybe with a small loss).
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

reading comprehension fail.

"however, if i was a guest, I'd be PISSED that i made all of the plans and put out the money for a DW, only to have it cancelled"

I would be pissed off that i put out the money and the time into planning the trip, and at the inconvenience of needing to (possibly) change those plans - and the fact that agreeing to this trip may have meant giving up other travel plans for the year.

I did not say anywhere in my post that i would be pissed off at the couple for making the decision to split up.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_38-days-to-go-and-he-wants-to-call-it-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:511dafb7-7651-47f9-8a40-cb176fa3068ePost:51209662-f05f-471a-bacc-4ff921ac73b8">Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off : <strong>reading comprehension fail</strong>. "however, if i was a guest, I'd be PISSED that i made all of the plans and put out the money for a DW, only to have it cancelled" I would be pissed off that i put out the money and the time into planning the trip, and at the inconvenience of needing to (possibly) change those plans - and the fact that agreeing to this trip may have meant giving up other travel plans for the year. I did not say anywhere in my post that i would be pissed off at the couple for making the decision to split up.
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

Ha...

<u>Which is why I formed it as a question, your post was confusing as to who the "pissed" was directed at.

</u>ETA: And you said you don't understand why the pps said guests would understand/"not be mad AT the couple." So again...would you not understand?

ReturnOfKuus

Best to call it off, then.  I'm so sorry.

KDRachael1

It's off. I tried to talk to him about it tonight and he basically made out to be my fault. There are extenuating circumstances here, so I decided it would be best to end things completely and move out. I'm a wreck right now.

fappa

wow, that sucks. maybe he is just having cold feet. give him a day to think about it. maybe he will change his mind.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_38-days-to-go-and-he-wants-to-call-it-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:511dafb7-7651-47f9-8a40-cb176fa3068ePost:7e5acd1b-11fd-44f7-808b-e66e0d995550">Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off</a>:
[QUOTE]It's off. I tried to talk to him about it tonight and he basically made out to be my fault. There are extenuating circumstances here, so I decided it would be best to end things completely and move out. I'm a wreck right now.
Posted by KDRachael1[/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry. ::Hugs::

But remember it is for the best (although it might not seem that way now, breaking up before "I do" is better than later down the road). Although it is tough now, he wasn't right for you. Hopefully you can call your friends and family and they can get help you through this).

GBCK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_38-days-to-go-and-he-wants-to-call-it-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:511dafb7-7651-47f9-8a40-cb176fa3068ePost:b77b6059-81a3-45a4-b460-4ffc41ed9559">Re: 38 days to go and he wants to call it off</a>:
[QUOTE]wow, that sucks. maybe he is just having cold feet. give him a day to think about it. maybe he will change his mind.
Posted by fappa[/QUOTE]

WHY would anyone want to do that?  get married to someone who changes his mind back and forth on whether or not to be married?

OP, perphaps <a href="http://www.theregoesthebride.com" rel="nofollow">www.theregoesthebride.com</a> would be helpful?