Bachelorette & Bachelor Parties (sorry... long post!)

What are your thoughts/feelings on Bachelor parties. Are you the jealous type? The demanding type? etc...

I want my FI to have a fun Bach party & I completely trust him. But I do not trust some of his friends. I was raised to think it's wrong to have "strippers" at a bachelor party. I know some of his friends are so "eager" to throw him this party & go all out. It just irritates & it's sort of insulting. One person in particular... his cousin (who is a girl!) has a lot of stripper friends & she gloats about taking him to Vegas and it just disgusts me!
We haven't sat down to talk about it - one on one. We need to. But before I do, I want to know how to "go into" the conversation. I pretty much want to lay down the law! lol (I'm a wee bit controlling..) But I know that will just end in an argument.
I really wouldn't mind doing a joined party. But I don't really know how he feels about that.

A few of my friends suggested us girls go out to dinner & the boys head to a bar & then we all meet up after dinner & party. I don't know...

What should I do? Any suggestions? I hate even talking about this (it bothers me that much) but I know we have to.

I want to tell his cousin to mind her own business when it comes to this. She is just a big party all the time person! I really love her & she's really fun to hang out with. But I just feel this should be in our hands not hers. Am I wrong? Am I stressing over nothing?

My MOH's husband got 2 strippers at his bach party & the girls were spraying whipped cream all over their tata's and the guys were licking them off!! Am I the only one that thinks this is wrong??

Sorry so long!!

Re: Bachelorette & Bachelor Parties (sorry... long post!)

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    edited December 2011
    I would consider what you absolutely expect and what would REALLY bug you.  For me, I'm fine with FI having a bachelor party and I was actually talking to one of his friends at a party a couple weekends ago about it.  I'm okay with strippers, but I only have 1 rule that I am going to let him know that I would like to be followed because it would really bug me: NO touching.  Looking, okay, whatever.  Touching, NO.  And honestly, if you've ever been to a strip club, you'll realize not all the women there are hot.

    If you think your FI is the type to actually enjoy a strip club, then when you tell him "No whateveritisthatbugsyou" I would have him consider "Would you be okay if I licked whipped cream off a male stripper's 6 pack?"  Also, I don't see why a GIRL is involved in planning your FI's bachelor party.  She should be helping plan yours!  And one suggestion: both of you have your parties on the same day/night.
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    edited December 2011
    See that's the thing, even if I say "no touching" (which I COMPLETELY agree w/you on!) he's not going to stand up for himself (or for me for that matter) in the middle of a lap dance and say "No touching me". All his friends will laugh at him. Its different at a club than a private stripper. I think at clubs they cannot touch you in the state of WA. But if your friends hire you a private stripper & have a party at someones house - they can touch you....
    And that's so true about them not being hot - yuk!

    FI said all he wants to do it get drunk & pass out. lol - men.

    If I told him I was going to lick w.cream off of some guys abs, he'd pretty much say "ok, well have fun". He's not the jealous type what-so-ever!

    I am... :(

    And as for his cousin... she is just like "one of the guys". She has a TON of guy friends, more than girls. She likes to go out and get boozed up with the guys, etc... I don't want her planning nothing for me! I would turn out nothing like I would have wanted.

    I also feel that if there are strippers involved my dad will get P.O.ed... and I think FI should respect that. AND HIS FRIENDS! That won't look good in his eyes, you know??
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    jennuinnejennuinne member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is difficult.  You want to trust him and not be crazy, but at the same time of course you don't want i to get out of control.  I agree w/ Tygirl, make it clear to him what is over the line for you.  I understand the issue w/ peer pressure though.  One thing I have going for me is my brother will be at any bachelor parties.  Are any of your male family going?  They could make sure it doesn't cross the line. 

    You could do a combined one, but only if both of you are OK w/ that. 

    If FI licked whip cream off a stripper's tatas and I found out, I'm not sure there would be a wedding...
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    nosajnosaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel the exact same way about it. My FI doesn't care what I do but I would lose it if he touched a stripper. I don't even want him near a stripper (he used to date one a long time ago who was "saving money for school"). Anyway you aren't out of line at all.

    I like the joint party idea but you'll likely get some pushback from his guy friends or him. One idea is to make sure that someone you trust and he respects goes along (your dad, brother, etc) as maybe he'll be a bit more concious about the fact that it will get back to you if there is touching and/or he wouldn't want your brother or whomever thinking he was being disrespectful.

    I get totally stressed when I think about this too so you're not alone:)
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    amylbellamylbell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FI wants a weekend of camping and jet skiing or cabin on the lake camping-his best man is way into that and one of his gm's asked me for any ground rules which are mentioned below but i think (or at least like to) that  some of the allure is lost if its not "forbidden fruit"..so to speak

    that being said I told him if we wants to go to a strip club and get a lap dance or two fine BUT  noooooooooo private strippers at someones house and I don't want to hear about or see ANY pictures of anything gross......i know there are "vip" rooms at strip clubs but lord knows what would go on at a "private party"

    we gotta trust our guys, even if we don't trust their stupid friends and they knoooow the weddings would all be called off if they crossed the line  Innocent

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    edited December 2011
    we are doing a joint party in vegas, we're all going together but we'll be off doing our own things most of the time. I told him no putting his mouth on anyone. And beyond that... I just don't really want to know! I can be pretty jealous I guess, so I'd rather just never know what happened.
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    edited December 2011

    I have 4 brothers. 3 of them are over 21 & will most likely be invited. Well 1 of them for sure, he's a GM. I know he would tell me if anything happened. We are very close. Are dad's invited to them?

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    briandbry2010briandbry2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have these guide lines for the parties. #1 they need to be on the same night/weekend so were not sitting at home waiting for the other one. #2 No sex with the stripers. Not that he would but there going ot portland for the party and it's pretty raunchy down there. Thankfuly most ofo the guys going are married and really good guys so it's probably going to be more like a get drunk and pass out thing. I gave FI the ok for strippers because I figured it would take the fun out of it if it wasn't sneaky
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I'm going to do something fun w/ my girls, and FI will do the same with his friends.  I don't think he'll do anything that he couldn't tell me about later.  That's what I'll ask of him, and I won't do anything I couldn't tell him about.  

    To tell you the truth, I'm not worried at all.  FI is way past wanting to mess around with strippers.  He may watch em, but I don't think he'd be interested in doing more than that, and he's not terribly susceptible to peer pressure.

    I agree that licking off of tata's is offensive.  I also think that if a guy is gonna do that, you telling him not to probably isn't gonna help.  He either has good judgment, or he doesn't.

    Other than telling your FI what your boundaries are, I recommend that you not get more involved in trying to affect the planning of his party.  It's really a party planned by his guys for him, and I don't think you'll make a lot of friends if you get involved in that part of it.
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