Wedding Woes

Bridesmaid cancelled

My wedding is in two months. I was just informed via text that one of my bridesmaids (a good friend) can't afford to be in my wedding. While I can totally respect that you can't afford to be in a wedding, I feel that you should say something in the beginning or as soon as you know. She went in for a dress fiting about a month or so ago and did not mention any of this. Now, I am short a bridesmaid and now have an extra groomsman. I have purchased all of my bridal party gifts, some of which are personalized; therefore, they cannot be returned.  I made the bridal bouquets and cannot return them either (about $150 each), Had I known the money was an issue, I likely would've opted to wait on designing her bouquet and not ordered personalized gifts. 

There is a little bit more to this story. When I got engaged, we were best friends. We worked together and hung out every weekend. About a month after my engagement, she broke up with my brother and immediately started dating someone else.  We maintained our friendship; however, it is not nearly what it was last year. I have seen her a total of 5 times since the break-up. With that said, I don't know if the issue is really lack of money or concern about the awkwardness of the wedding.  She is about to see my family, mutual friends (my brother's), etc.  I also wonder if this is a decision made my her current boyfriend. She has not been acting like herself lately.

So with that...I am not sure what to do. I love my friend, dearly. I have always dreamed of her being in my wedding.  I am so hurt because I feel like...you would do anything to be in your good friend's wedding. I feel like I am losing my friend.

Do I offer to purchase her dress? How do I know she can come up with the money for the other things? Do I assume this is a mixture of awkwardness and money, and just let it go?

Re: Bridesmaid cancelled

  • sounds to me like this is an issue with the akwardess of the relationship with your brother.  a hear to heart talk may do some good, but it doesn't sound to me like a money issue. 

    at the same time,  it might just be healthier to keep it moving and look for a replacement.  don't let this incident ruin your special day.  this is one of those situations that is out of your control.

    good luck

    Tony
    (guys point of view)

  • I'm sorry about your friend. At this point, I would reccomend you just have uneven numbers. It happens a lot, often intentionally. I certainly wouldn't replace her, because anyone you ask will know they're a B-list bridesmaid.

    You can try to sit her down, offer to pay for the dress, or ask her if there is anything else going on. What I would do is tell her you're very sorry that she can't make it, keep her in the program, and give her the gifts, since they were already purchased. I hope that you two can repair your friendship.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She gave you two months' notice; it's not like she left you in the lurch two days before your wedding.  If you're willing to pay for the dress you can offer, but don't be offended if she turns you down.  Some people are not comfortable taking money from other people, and if that's beyond her comfort level you need to respect that.  What "other things" do you expect her to come up with money for?  The only thing she's responsible for is getting the dress, picked out with her budget and comfort in mind, and traveling to the wedding if necessary. 

    You're not short a bridesmaid, and you don't have an extra groomsman.  You have one less bridesmaid than groomsmen.  It's no big deal.  Definitely don't replace her.



  • The dress has been discontinued and can no longer be purchased.   Also, to clarify the other things, I meant shoes, sash for dress, etc. 
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