Ruh-roh! Gifts from people not invited

niq24601

Before I stick my head in the Lion's den that is P&E, figured I'd ask here.

So, we're not entirely sure, but we're betting FMIL has been either intentionally or unintentionally inviting relatives that we are not inviting, and/or telling them that we will have a B-list and they will probably get an invite as people start declining. We have no idea who we're actually going to get to on the B-list and specifcally FMIL's extended family is probably last in line since she's gotten more of her relatives in the initial invites than FFIL, my side of the family, people our age, etc.

Anyway, one of the people not invited (and who probably isn't one of the first thirty people we'd invite off of our B-list) just bought something off our registry. The not-invited person the daughter of a relative who IS invited. The (not-invited) daughter who bought us the gift is in her 30s.

What are we supposed to do? I really have no clue ...

carrieoz_76

- Keep the gift and send a very gracious thank you card.  Gifts are just that - gifts - and sometimes people do give them even when they're not invited (we've gotten one like that).  The only thing to do is be super gracious in response.

- Fle needs to have the talk with FMIL - she can't be offering, hinting or otherwise promising invites to people who aren't currently invited, and if she does she's going to have to tell those people when they're not invited that she overstepped her bounds.

- Definitely stay off E with this.  They'll hammer you for the notion of a B list.

kristend72

I second Carrie on all points.

Pixel'sMom

I'm 105% with carrieoz and kristend!

melissa82

Agree!

We also received a few gifts from people who weren't invited (like from the mother of one of my parents' close friends). I don't think she expected to be invited, she just wanted to wish us well. (In your case, however, it could perhaps be because FMIL has promised an invite, but they may simply return it when they don't get an invite [since it sounds like you didn't actually receive the gift yet] or maybe the daughter just picked up the gift for her mom.)

BrandyL10

I would definitely have your FIe talk with her mom and ask if she said anything to this person. But it does happen! It happened to us! Someone we didn't invite, a friend of hubby's father sent us money and it was totally unexpected. So accept it and send a nice thank you, but I would still have a talk with your FMIL!