Older Fiance is SO Traditional!

freyjasmom

This is the first time we've EVER noticed our age gap. I'm 23 and he's 37 in March. We have a beautiful daughter together and a baby on the way. Our parenting styles blend well, we are the best of friends... there has never been an issue.

He is so damn traditional with this wedding stuff, though!! Everything I suggest or show him... his response is "I don't like it". I ask why and he says because he's never seen it. Then he'll bring up what his friends did at their weddings... in t he 90s!

Why can't he trust me to plan a beautiful, semi-modern wedding? I have seen all the wedding shows and really researched this... I know what I'm doing.

Some examples of things that freak him out are pomandor bridesmaids bouquets, knee length bridesmaids dresses (in June), pocket invitations... things like that.

6fsn

I'm going to take my "older" ass out of this post. 

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_older-fiance-is-so-traditional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:57d55b7d-765e-404f-94e5-de3f17a2d5dcPost:d9f88c3e-ed0b-4f05-af81-20d90ef99f36">Older Fiance is SO Traditional!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the first time we've EVER noticed our age gap. I'm 23 and he's 37 in March. We have a beautiful daughter together and a baby on the way. Our parenting styles blend well, we are the best of friends... there has never been an issue. He is so damn traditional with this wedding stuff, though!! Everything I suggest or show him... his response is "I don't like it". I ask why and he says because he's never seen it. Then he'll bring up what his friends did at their weddings... in t he 90s! Why can't he trust me to plan a beautiful, semi-modern wedding? I have seen all the wedding shows and really researched this... I know what I'm doing. Some examples of things that freak him out are pomandor bridesmaids bouquets, knee length bridesmaids dresses (in June), pocket invitations... things like that.
Posted by freyjasmom[/QUOTE]

JIC

It's his wedding too.  Why do you get all the say in the wedding planning? Compromise is an important thing in any relationship, especially marriage.

Watching a few wedding shows =/= research.

Bridesmaids carrying a pomander would look a little silly.  It's cute for flower girls, not grown women.

*Barbie*

i think your age difference is creepy. what does a 37yo want with a 23yo?

Kas254

Good idea to try to compromise. Maybe tell him you really want the wedding to be a reflection of both of you and discuss each thing one by one. Usually if you give up one or two things the other person will be willing to compromise as well. The worst thing is to just dig in and get stubborn (for either of you). If you remind each other that this wedding is about how happy you are to spend the rest of your lives together that will hopefully soften the whole discussion.

zsazsa-stl

Pocket invitations are sooo 2005.  Who is the old lady now?

Seriously, this has nothing to do with age and everything with being willing to compromise.  If he was 23 he wouldn't be agreeing with every choice of yours and vice versa.

DG1

He's 37 and you're 23? That doesn't even meet the "half your age plus seven" rule. And you already have a baby and another on the way? And you watch wedding shows?

This post is golden.


Zsa is right, though. It's all about compromise. If he were your own age, he'd think it would be cool to have bud light centerpieces or something and you'd wonder why you have to deal with that.

Communication and compromise. Both of you.

My husband (a mere 3 months younger than I) demanded that he and his groomsmen wear bowties. I thought it was ugly and ridiculous. But you know what? He's a grown man who gets to decide what he wears. So that's what they wore.



Another sage piece of advice - a good friend told me a looooooong time ago that, no matter when you get married, you'll look back 20 years later and think "geez, that's so 20XX." Once I realized that about my own wedding, I was able to embrace some things knowing I liked them then and would think they were old-fashioned later. No one has a truly timeless wedding.

ReturnOfKuus

How old were you when the two of you got together?  And what's with all the kids without bothering to get married?

Kas254

My fiance's dad and stepmom have a 13-year age difference. My fiance's stepsister and her new husband have a 12-year age difference. This is almost the same thing. Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

badray1121

To the original poster... who had a question about differences in traditional vs modern wedding ideas- not if everyone should comment on the age gap. My FI is 49- I am 29 and have some differences in taste but we have give and take on things. Our wedding in two weeks is 1/2 modern & 1/2 traditional. Maybe show him some bridal mags for ideas on blending?
P.S. Love knows no age, we should never fault anyone for falling in love with another consenting adult. Calm down people. Stop judging someone you have never met. My best to all brides!

freyjasmom

Thank you everyone for the constructive comments. Of course communication and compromise are important. We do this on a daily basis. It kind of comes with parenting together, ya know?

I wasn't saying he was terrible for not liking all of my ideas. I was just saying it's hard because this is the first time we've been on opposite pages for anything.

He picked both venues and now the wedding color. I'm not taking over on everything... I just wish he'd give my ideas a chance, KWIM? He seems to want to axe anything unfamiliar without even giving it a chance. I'm going to talk with him about how it's making me feel... I know he'll understand and hopefully I can use some of my ideas!

To the people questioning our age difference... it works for us. Like I said, this is the first time it has been noticeable. We met through my best friend of ten years, who is his sister. I didn't meet him until I was in my 20s (they were estranged as siblings... long story). We're soulmates and it was love at first sight.

freyjasmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_older-fiance-is-so-traditional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:57d55b7d-765e-404f-94e5-de3f17a2d5dcPost:9979f397-1e7c-453c-a081-326aa4f324ad">Re: Older Fiance is SO Traditional!</a>:
[QUOTE]To the original poster... who had a question about differences in traditional vs modern wedding ideas- not if everyone should comment on the age gap. My FI is 49- I am 29 and have some differences in taste but we have give and take on things. Our wedding in two weeks is 1/2 modern & 1/2 traditional. Maybe show him some bridal mags for ideas on blending? P.S. Love knows no age, we should never fault anyone for falling in love with another consenting adult. Calm down people. Stop judging someone you have never met. My best to all brides!
Posted by badray1121[/QUOTE]

Thank you :) I posted this hoping to find someone who could relate and give me some ideas. You really helped! Showing him some bridal magazines is a GREAT idea. Maybe seeing how things are done in 2012 would help him realize it's "normal". Enjoy your wedding!!!

kaceymarie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_older-fiance-is-so-traditional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:57d55b7d-765e-404f-94e5-de3f17a2d5dcPost:dd155c3d-f1a6-4e25-b2e7-2150a84c7bf4">Re: Older Fiance is SO Traditional!</a>:
[QUOTE]i think your age difference is creepy. what does a 37yo want with a 23yo?
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

<div>there is no age on love.. she's legal so why do you care?</div>