Wedding Woes
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sister woes

So I have one matron of honor and one bridesmaid. Both friends of mine.  My sister was surprised to find that she wasn't included in the wedding party (My mom told her, she can't keep anything about the weddig to herself) I say surprised because she expected to be in the party, but my sister and I don't get along at all.  She's stopped talking to me for various stupid reasons, the latest being I told her not to say mean things about our mom on facebook.  She's treated me like crap my entire life and still expected to be in the wedding party. I have jobs for her to do, it's not like she's completely excluded from the wedding planning.  Not sure if asking for advice on the situation or just venting. 

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Re: sister woes

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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Um, okay.  Gird your loins?
    image
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:1025a4d0-eac3-4209-a2fa-c05e3bc048dc">sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I have one matron of honor and one bridesmaid. Both friends of mine.  My sister was surprised to find that she wasn't included in the wedding party (My mom told her, she can't keep anything about the weddig to herself) I say surprised because she expected to be in the party, but my sister and I don't get along at all.  She's stopped talking to me for various stupid reasons, the latest being I told her not to say mean things about our mom on facebook.  She's treated me like crap my entire life and still expected to be in the wedding party. I have jobs for her to do, it's not like she's completely excluded from the wedding planning.  Not sure if asking for advice on the situation or just venting. 
    Posted by maisery22[/QUOTE]


    What Wzz said.
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I love it.  "I didn't make her a BM, but she still gets to do work for me so I don't get what her problem is!"  Is she a guest book attendant, restroom attendant, or something else?
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    edited December 2011
    You want sister woes, I can give you woes.

    Stand your ground about not having her in the BP but DO NOT give her "work" to do for your wedding that you're mostly excluding her from.
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    maisery22maisery22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    jeez you all are acting like I"m going to work her to the bone or something!  Don't family members help out? Brothers, cousins etc?  They're not going to be in the wedding party but they'd like to help out! 

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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:b96a590c-cfce-447c-b474-f40924c0a77e">Re: sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]jeez you all are acting like I"m going to work her to the bone or something!  Don't family members help out? Brothers, cousins etc?  They're not going to be in the wedding party but they'd like to help out! 
    Posted by maisery22[/QUOTE]
    Ah, I see:  you're confused.  The term you're looking for is "vendors."
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    **O-Face****O-Face** member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If she WANTS to help, sure let her, but don't assign a job she didn't ask for.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:b96a590c-cfce-447c-b474-f40924c0a77e">Re: sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]jeez you all are acting like I"m going to work her to the bone or something!  Don't family members help out? Brothers, cousins etc?  They're not going to be in the wedding party <strong>but they'd like to help out! 
    </strong>Posted by maisery22[/QUOTE]

    The bolded is key...
    you don't like her.
    She doesn't like you.
    Why would she 'like' to help you out?  Because you're sisters?  (if you were following the ideology behind 'but we're faaaaamily" she'd be in the WP)

    Besides "you're not good enough to stand up with me, blah blah blah...oh, but youi're good enough to be the cinderella scullerymaid and serve punch" is pretty insulting.
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    maisery22maisery22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No I wouldn't make her do something she didn't want to do.  There's going to be a lot of DIY for this so lots of making decorations and things like that.  Things I plan on doing as well so it's not like I"m just handing off the jobs to other people and kicking back.  Whoever wants to help is more than welcome to come and help.  If not that's fine too. 
    Not sure what kind of wedding you're thinking of lump but no vendors is not the word I'm looking for. 
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    maisery22maisery22 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    never mind sorry I brought it up, perhaps I thought there would be someone who understands what it's like to be in a difficult situation, apparently not.

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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:15c431be-ceb2-4c64-a779-969ea94f9048">Re: sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]never mind sorry I brought it up, perhaps I thought there would be someone who understands what it's like to be in a difficult situation, apparently not.
    Posted by maisery22[/QUOTE]


    difficult situation, like a sister who isn't even invited to my wedding because she's such a scum-of-the-earth human being, and who, if she does have the balls to show up, I will promptly have removed?

    Is that the kind of difficult situation you're referring to?
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:b756bf48-127a-4565-89b9-7dc1416f7b17">Re: sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: sister woes : difficult situation, like a sister who isn't even invited to my wedding because she's such a scum-of-the-earth human being, and who, if she does have the balls to show up, I will promptly have removed? Is that the kind of difficult situation you're referring to?
    Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]
    You forgot the part about still getting to do the work, though.
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    Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, yea.  I was going to stick her in a giant hamster wheel for my own amusement but she'd just lay there like the lazy slob she is.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:597a1c45-6418-4f39-b07d-ed98d48f36d2Post:15c431be-ceb2-4c64-a779-969ea94f9048">Re: sister woes</a>:
    [QUOTE]never mind sorry I brought it up, perhaps I thought there would be someone who understands what it's like to be in a difficult situation, apparently not.
    Posted by maisery22[/QUOTE]

    You misunderstand...
    we know what a difficult situation is like, we just don't think yours is really very difficult.
    And we disagree w/ how you're handling it.
    Sometimes, when everyone disagrees with you, everyone is wrong.  But that's rare.

    Usually, when everyone disagrees with you, there's a large kernel of truth to what they're saying that you're busy putting your hands over your ears, saying "la la la la lal al al ala--*insert justification here" in order to ignore.
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    jossowjossow member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, you all sound like a bunch of sharks that just smelled blood in the water, back off will ya? Aren't these boards for helping each other out, not attacking them? I really don't see how what she did was wrong.

    Her sister and her don't get along so she decided to save herself some grief but not having her in the WP, whether you all agree with this doesn't really matter because it is still HER wedding.

    Secondly all of the magazines, blogs, articles, and advice columnists out there say to do exactly what she did. When you have family that wants to be in WP but you don't want the in the WP you include them in the wedding in other ways, such as jobs or tasks to help the bride out. Do you think she would be doing LESS in the WP? No. So chill out she's not selling her sister into slavery. Plus did you all think about the fact that her sister has free will and could possible tell the bride: no, I don't want to help you with the wedding.

    To the bride: there are a few things you can do to diffuse the situation, 1. Talk to your sister, obviously this hurt her in some way and even though you don't get along she still assumed she would be up there with you on your wedding day. Explain to her that even though you love her you wanted to have those you see and talk to often and dedicate a large amount of time to your wedding to be your bridesmaids and this in no way denotes her position in the family as your sister (you can even go so far as to let her make a speech, do a reading at the ceremony, or have your florist wip up something specially to pin to her dress so that she stands out). (also you may want to ask her to be truthful, if she were getting married would you be her first choice for a BM)
    2. She is throwing a fit because she wants to the be the center of attention, hopefully this is not the case but if it is there isn't much you can do other than ignore her immature attitude and soldier on.
    3. You may want to check to see if your mother was making waves about this rather than your sister, since you already know she can't keep a secret she may have not like the fact that your sister was not included in your WP and expressed this to your sister.
    4. Break down and include her in the wedding but keep her far away from any of the planning, just because she is BM doesn't mean she gets a VIP to all things about your wedding, she'll just show up in a coordinated dress with your other BMs.

    Hope this helps! And to all you guys out there (that will probably attack me too) lighten up, weddings are stressful enough without us trying to rip each other apart.
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