Wedding Woes

so.flipping.annoyed.

Hey girls. Apologize in advance. this is a VENT.

Fi and I have been together for going on 5 years. Our families are friends. Our friends are friends. Our friends are friends with our families....lol. This part I love.

What I do NOT love is the amount of times I get asked each time I see one of these people is, "when are you guys gonna start a family?" Is it just me or is this the tackiest question ever?

Uhm. Hello?! We are not even married yet. THat is still 6 months away. I would *kinda* like to focus on my wedding before trying to pop out babies. And maybe after that...enjoy my MARRIAGE before children!!!

I sometimes feel like a horrible person to get upset about this. We have done the birth control battle. We both want kids...just not anytime soon. We need to be financially stable and independent first. And hell, we want to be a little selfish and enjoy each other before late night feedings and saggy boobs. Dear Jesus.

I know there are ladies out there who desperately want babies and cannot have them so I apologize for my rant. I know its stupid and selfish to feel this way....but does ANYONE out there feel me on this? Can I puh-lease just have my wedding without hearing another question about having children?!
Christy Visit my wedding planning/DIY blog: http://joshandchristylovestory.blogspot.com/

Re: so.flipping.annoyed.

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think this happens to everyone.  My response was "We'll have a kid when you pay for it."  Or be mean and tel them you are infertile. 
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    my family (and his) and our friends know better than to ask about this. Most of the people who asked were co-workers or MIL's friends during both of my SILs' baby showers.

    for some people i used the "when we start having unprotected sex, you'll be the first to know" line

    for others, i pulled out pictures of the dogs and was like, "oh, we have kids.... " and then started showing them pictures until they dropped it - i was prepared for the 2nd baby shower (about 6 months after the first) - i brought a whole album of pictures of my dogs. 



  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    That's awesome barbie.  Of course you'll need to update that book now.
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_soflippingannoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:59bd570b-1640-43e9-b2b8-0c515e146550Post:b30f18b5-a672-4aaf-a128-a1e9f22630b4">so.flipping.annoyed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey girls. Apologize in advance. this is a VENT. Fi and I have been together for going on 5 years. Our families are friends. Our friends are friends. Our friends are friends with our families....lol. This part I love. What I do NOT love is the amount of times I get asked each time I see one of these people is, "when are you guys gonna start a family?" Is it just me or is this the tackiest question ever? Uhm. Hello?! We are not even married yet. THat is still 6 months away. I would *kinda* like to focus on my wedding before trying to pop out babies. And maybe after that...enjoy my MARRIAGE before children!!! I sometimes feel like a horrible person to get upset about this. We have done the birth control battle. We both want kids...just not anytime soon. We need to be financially stable and independent first. And hell, we want to be a little selfish and enjoy each other before late night feedings and saggy boobs. Dear Jesus. I know there are ladies out there who desperately want babies and cannot have them so I apologize for my rant. I know its stupid and selfish to feel this way....but does ANYONE out there feel me on this? Can I puh-lease just have my wedding without hearing another question about having children?!
    Posted by cgeorge1220[/QUOTE]

    I was literally just complaining about this.

    It has been brought to my attention that a total lifestyle change is in order. So I'm going to stop showering, start wearing capes and mage hats, only answer to my LARP name  and also refer to my cats officially as my sons, as opposed to now where I just joke I'm the crazy cat lady.

    Seriously though, it's rude, and tacky to ask about someone else's reproductive decisions, especially when you weren't talking about it at all. You'll have to find a nice way to say it, or maybe say, "We're leaving that up to God" or "We would like to experience our married life together as a couple for a few years before we decide to start a family" or "I have children!" <followed by pulling out pictures of your dogs/cats/plants/gerbils/Therese

    Good luck!
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  • larina+jeremylarina+jeremy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hahaha! i love the snarky responses and i love the doggy photos! the fh and i have 2 kitties, and they are practically like children lol. i think ill go with that. hilarious!
  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_soflippingannoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:59bd570b-1640-43e9-b2b8-0c515e146550Post:3917e96c-18d9-472d-a2b4-854ae6d0fc87">Re: so.flipping.annoyed.</a>:
    [QUOTE] "I have children!" <<strong>followed by pulling out pictures of your</strong> dogs/cats/plants/gerbils<strong>/Therese</strong> Good luck!
    Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

    Good adviSe
    .
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_soflippingannoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:59bd570b-1640-43e9-b2b8-0c515e146550Post:eb9d3f14-ced5-4b99-8753-38c55bea79bd">Re: so.flipping.annoyed.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this happens to everyone.  My response was "We'll have a kid when you pay for it."  Or be mean and tel them you are infertile. 
    Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

    "When daycare is free and minivans are sexy."

    ETA:  It doesn't end if you eventually do have a kid, either.  People want to know when the next one is coming, when we'll have a boy "to complete the set," etc.  Nosy.
  • edited December 2011
    it's not stupid or selfish to feel that way. not everyone wants kids immediately and it's rude and presumptuous of people to assume that you do. or even to presume that you want kids at all. people are so programmed to think that all women are just waiting to get married to start popping out kids, and that's just not true. enjoy your marriage for a while.

    on a side note....if you're getting married you should be independent and somewhat financially secure though.....
  • awesome-sauceawesome-sauce member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, the majority of women can probably relate, in some form or fashion.

    When you are single, people ask when you are going to find a nice man to date.

    When you are dating, people will ask when you are going to get engaged.

    When you are engaged, people will ask when you are getting married, what colors, etc. times a million about your wedding.

    Just before getting married and after getting married, people will ask when you are having a baby.

    When you are pregnant or soon after having the first, people will ask when you will have a second.

    And so on. So, either live with it. Or decide what you will say bluntly so they will stop asking.

    "We plan to get married and wait a few years before having children. We'll let you know as soon as i'm off birth control and the sperm meets the egg. My, my isn't it a lovely day?"
    .
  • edited December 2011
    A totally confused look and "Why is my sex life up for discussion?" usually leaves people sputtering.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    You know, people have stopped asking when I'm getting married. I guess that means they have given up hope. Ha 
    image
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    it's extra fun when you're in 'kids/nokids/crap' limbo and later when you're in infertility limbo...

    Seriously though?  I never did it as an 'act', but bursting into tears and fleeing shuts people the hell up.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's just a way to make conversiation.  Say "not anytime soon" and leave it at that.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Ha ha thanks for the responses ladies. I agree. Maybe I will just start busting out photos of our puppy. And we are independent and financially secure for US...but not even close to enough to add a child into the mix. Good to know its not just MY nosy friends and family :)
    Christy Visit my wedding planning/DIY blog: http://joshandchristylovestory.blogspot.com/
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