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Involving your FMIL

I want to involve my FMIL in the planning but our taste isn't exactly the same. It's important to her, though, because she only had sons and is really excited to be involved. 

How have you girls involved your FMILs in ways that made both them and you happy?
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Re: Involving your FMIL

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    edited December 2011
    My FMIL is really laid back, so isn't trying to get involved, but I know that she'd want to be included.  Like yours, we have VERY different taste, and she only has sons.  One thing I did was ask if she'd help round up pics of FI as a baby/kid for our slideshow.  She had a really good time with that!
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    edited December 2011
    My FMIL actually lives here in town while my mom lives an 8 hour drive away down the OR coast. FMIL has been really aware of how stressed I'm becoming and has offered to do whatever I can have her do to help out.

    Anyway, I guess that doesn't address your question. :)  I invited her to come dress shopping with me one day so she accompanied me and MOH to two stores. She had fun just seeing all the dresses. If your FMIL is nearby, I would suggest doing the same. Even if her taste isn't the same, she'll get to experience a bit of the "mom" thing by watching you try on bunches of dresses.

    If you need help researching anything, you can always ask her to help. (For example, if you're doing hotel blocks or need to select caterers in a certain price point.)

    A lot of "involvement" is even just regularly sharing what thoughts you have and directions you're thinking of going with things. My mom's taste is not the same as mine, but once I got better at sending her regular email "updates," it helped her feel more included. I'd send a link of something I saw and say, "I saw this and thought it was cute. Not sure it would work for us though..."
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    edited December 2011
    mine has Fi as only child and likewise we don't really have similar taste, also she is living in another state so she isn't too involved. I invited her to go dress shopping with me next monday (it will just be us two) while she is stopping by on her way to europe.  im pretty close to her and have tried to include her in all the updates to the planning, but not neccessarily decisions.She understands if she tries to get too invovled, i will go crazy cause my mom is super involved.

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    edited December 2011

    I am in a similar situation as well. When we went venue shopping both my parents and FI's joined us. I also had my FMIL join my mom and I when I went dress shopping, I didn't pick the dress that she liked best, but it was still nice to have her involved. She has also helped out with getting pictures for our memory table and slide show. We are also going to do an invite assembly day and she will surely be here to help.

    Sometimes she drives me nuts, so I just have to remember this is an important day for her as well. Maybe you could offer to go shopping together to look for her dress for the wedding day. That way you can spend some time together, and make sure that she doesn't get a dress you hate :)

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    edited December 2011
    Ah yes, Watchmahu nailed the other great option! Shopping for HER dress together :)
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    edited December 2011
    My FMIL lives back east and so I email her some things and/or talk to her on the phone like " we picked our venue today - it's blah, blah, blah."

    She has our planning bio website. She thanked me for sending it to her. She gets a sneak peak at things even FI doesn't know about. And it keeps her in the loop.

    She is getting here 5 days before the wedding and will be involved in helping with final details. She seems to be happy with that.
    debi & jason 05.01.2010

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    melissa82melissa82 member
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    edited December 2011
    Does she have any talents? My MIL is good with decorating, so my sister asked her to make the centerpieces for my shower. She also hosted my bachelorette dinner.

    Oh, and I brought her shopping for my dress once.
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    edited December 2011

    My FMIL is helping my mom with one of my wedding showers. She filled out envelopes for me for my STD's. She has awesome handwriting.
    She is artsy and has great connections so she got us our votive candles, and our cake topper!
    If I were you, maybe do shopping trips? Have her help make the slideshow for your wedding or if you're not doing one then, one for the RD or an open house after the wedding?

    Married 7/17/2010 Photobucket PersonalMilestone
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    jennuinnejennuinne member
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    edited December 2011
    FMIL lives on east coast and has only boys.  I haven't been as good as I should, especially lately.  I've just tried to call her and keep her updated on what's going on, send pics, etc. 
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    Alo822Alo822 member
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    edited December 2011
    I actually kinda wish my FMIL was more involved, but she lives thousands of miles away. We mostly keep her involved by email updates/pictures. She was particularly touched when I sent her a "secret" sneak peek of my dress. We also make an effort to make sure she feels included by inviting her to showers, etc. 
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    MrsH8172010MrsH8172010 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    My FMIL is good a sewing so she is monograming all of the napkins and making satin table runners since we couldn't find them in the size we liked so we decided to get the fabric and make them.
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    edited December 2011
    I wish my FMIL was involved but i'm a bad DIL and don't ever call her to update her. I wish I felt comfortable doing so.
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker we're having twins!
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    kducharmekducharme member
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    edited December 2011
    I am in the same boat as you!   It's hard because everytime I try to include her she questions EVERYTHING, or judges things before getting the full vision.  I would say just test the waters and see where it gets you.  Also be careful for YOUR mom.  You have to remember this is a special time for you and her as well and your FMIL might disrupt that moment if she isn't cooperating.  So good luck
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    edited December 2011
    FMIL lives in Spokane and so it's tricky to have her help with things.  I do wish I could give her the option to be more involved especially since FI is the only child they have that will marry.  I did offer for her to come over here to find her MOG dress since she was having a hard time and coordinating that with the weekend of the bridal shower so she could attend, but she ended up finding a dress and can't get the time off work to fly over. :(  I'm trying to come up with other ideas, but honestly, by the time she told me if I needed help to let her know (holidays) I'd already had pretty much everything done/booked/researched.
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel really lucky.  My FMIL is a total sweetheart - she loves to hear about the details, is very reassuring and supportive, and not critical at all.  I've shown her my ideas for invitations, asked her input on things like which colors and stamps look better together, showed her my CP ideas, stuff like that.  We may also go shopping for my shower dress together.  

    Mostly, she just likes to know what our plans are, and I love telling people, so it's a perfect combo.  :)
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    mergatormergator member
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    edited December 2011
    My FMIL lives in Chicago and I actually haven't included her on any of the decisions. She doesn't seem to really want to be involved, though I know she's happy about the marriage. I should reach out to her though. This post was a good reminder.
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    edited December 2011
    My fmil has much different tastes then us also! She is very involved in the church, head of bible study, etc... that said, she is also VERY polite. She honestly wants us to be happy on our day and doesn't try to persuade us into doing something we don't want. She's never imposed or anything. Your fmil should know you both well enough that she knows you will not like everything she likes & vise-versa. Just don't put her ideas down. Say, I like that idea, but I think this way is more us... or something.
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