At a lost for what to do...

jessss21

My fiance and I met in college which was close to New Hampshire where I grew up.  He is from the midwest and his entire family lives out there.  We still live in New Hampshire because I pretty much refused to move.  He has asked for us to have a destination wedding so that both of our families are equally involved since currently my side of the family is much more involved with our lives just based on our location.  After a few a tantrums I agreed to have our wedding in a neutral spot and we visited Virginia Beach and really liked the place and I started to get excited about the potential of getting married some where new and fresh for us.

We sat down with my parents and my normally very supportive parents were vehmently against to the point where I just broke down in tears.  They always pictured me getting married in my hometown church surrounded by everyone they ever met.  My dad got mad that we probably wouldn't be getting married in a church.  It was all very strange since we really aren't all too religious.  My parents say that they'll support me whatever I want but keep trying to talk me out of it and are making me dread something that's still a year away.  

I don't what to do. They don't think anyone will come. I'm absoultely miserable over this. Has anyone else faced this situation?

Queen Jane

I'm from NY and FI is from TX. We are having the wedding in New Orleans. My family is very small, none if my cousins or grandma will come. It will be my parents, my sister, and my aunt. When you choose a DW, you run the risk of a high decline rate. If you are ok with that, I would go ahead as planned.

6fsn

Who's more important?  Your family or your FI?

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lost-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5b6228cc-fc12-42a0-a1ae-9ee5ce0a6a6cPost:5a629f02-11f5-42c3-b147-06f26e26d4ef">Re: At a lost for what to do...</a>:
[QUOTE]Who's more important?  Your family or your FI?
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

Word.

TLD12

Have the wedding where you and your fiance want, afterall its you two getting married, NOT the family.  For the ones who can't/won't make the trip why not have a small reception when you get home. 

VStratton88

My FI's family had the same reaction. Everyone in their family has gotten married in a church in their hometown that they built. When I said that I wanted to get married somewhere else everyone pitched a fit. In the end I told them that it was, in fact, OUR day and if they did not like the location, they do not have to come. It took me a long time to realize it but I had to stop caring so much what other people thought and do what we wanted.

ReturnOfKuus

Well, that's what happens when you've "always pictured" someone else's life events - you make it all about you and forget that it's about them.  Tell your parents gently that they should fantasize about their own life events, not someone else's, and have the wedding the way you and your FI want it.

PaoPao820

My parents recently got divorced, right around the time that my fiance and I got engaged.  It was a really tough time and still is for my mom who is here and we live literally down the road from her.  We were NEVER religious and observed the regular holidays at a Catholic church.  I was baptized, confirmed all the in betweens. 

Recently my mom did something similar to me telling me that she always pictured me getting ready in my own house and then going to the church that I was confirmed at and we go to on holidays.  It was out of left field because again, we weren't even parishioners.  I also got a lot of criticism from her because we're doing our wedding about an hour away from where we actually live.  And I've had SO many doubts.  BUT despite all that, my fiance has been very supportive of our original decisions and we talk everything through and in the end, its what you picture. 

You have to do what's right for you and your guys.  If you pictured yourself in the church you grew up going to and getting married there, then explain that to your fiance and his family (they have to travel anyways).  If you want to get married someplace fresh and new, then do that, and you can always find a church there (I found a church 20 mins from our venue!).  Unforutnately, parents have this expectation when they have kids of what they want their kids lives to be and our lives don't always match that and its a hard adjustment.  If you choose to go to Virginia Beach, it'll take some time for your parents but from what it sounds like, eventually they will be totally on board (especially when the wedding plans take off).  If it's any consolation, I don't have any support from either of my parents and my mother has questioned every single decision I've made thus far except for the save the dates. 

Good luck!

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lost-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5b6228cc-fc12-42a0-a1ae-9ee5ce0a6a6cPost:e3a52bd9-b034-40a2-8593-215acba6f01f">At a lost for what to do...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I met in college which was close to New Hampshire where I grew up.  He is from the midwest and his entire family lives out there. <strong> We still live in New Hampshire because I pretty much refused to move.</strong>  He has asked for us to have a destination wedding so that both of our families are equally involved since currently my side of the family is much more involved with our lives just based on our location.  After a few a tantrums I agreed to have our wedding in a neutral spot and we visited Virginia Beach and really liked the place and I started to get excited about the potential of getting married some where new and fresh for us. We sat down with my parents and my normally very supportive parents were vehmently against to the point where I just broke down in tears.  <strong>They always pictured me getting married in my hometown church surrounded by everyone they ever met.  My dad got mad that we probably wouldn't be getting married in a church. </strong> It was all very strange since we really aren't all too religious.  My parents say that they'll support me whatever I want but keep trying to talk me out of it and are making me dread something that's still a year away.   I don't what to do. They don't think anyone will come. I'm absoultely miserable over this. Has anyone else faced this situation?
Posted by jessss21[/QUOTE]


I'm seeing a pattern between the apple and the tree here. 

What the what at "I pretty much refused to move"?  I hope you're open to compromise or it's going to be a long life for the both of you.

deanabuonincontri

Have the wedding where you and your fiance want.  Your parents may have always pictured YOUR wedding, but that is just it...it's YOUR wedding.  You did the right thing by sitting down with your parents and explaining your reasoning to them.  They say they will still support you and that is great.  Let them know that their actions need to be supportive too.  You and your fiance having the destination wedding will help involve BOTH families.  And that is what a wedding is about...two families becoming one.  Good luck!

jessss21

Thanks everyone for the advice.  I've decided to let the situation settle for a few days and let people get used to the idea.  I never understood why people want to elope before I got engaged... but jeez it's stressful, even only one month in!

PaoPao820

Seriously!  If this wasn't the first wedding in both of our families, my fiance and I would definitely elope!  It's just so much crap and logistics. And I'm already starting my third month... I hope it works out for you though and your family becomes supportive.