I WANT MY FRIGGIN' RING ALREADY!

ReeB83

Morning, all! Here's my gripe and it's a biggie.
My fiance and I have been discussing marriage for nearly two years. We started looking at rings in December of '08. Last summer, he got on one knee and proposed. Only the ring he gave me was a wedding ring from a set her was going to give his ex, like 5 years ago. Actually, I'm wearing the man's ring because the woman's one won't even fit on my pinky. He promised me that he would get me a bridal set of my own and we started planning and saving.... well, planning on saving... for a September 2010 wedding.
Then stuff happened. We had a baby, I lost my job, my mother passed away, our car needed fixing, blah, blah, blah. We have nothing saved up to do it big like we wanted to in the first place. We postponed the wedding for next spring (WHEW!) and I started thinking of ways to cut back (I am a DIY kinda girl, his family owns a craft shop and his BFF's a baker so that will not be hard). The only problem is the ring. I'm still wearing the old wedding ring. He's still dreaming about getting me the 2K diamond he's been eyeing since 2008! I keep wanting to shake him and say IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I have come up with the solution of getting me a small .25-.5K ring (I found some cute ones), taking the wedding set we have and getting it resized and engraved so it can be ours and just upgrade on our 5th anniversary when we will (hopefully) have more money. I just want to feel engaged and right now I don't. He is SO against postponing again and wants me to start planning right away but I feel kinda silly without a proper ring.
How do I get him to stop dreaming of the big rock, and just get me what he can afford?

**O-Face**

Why can't you just keep wearing the man's ring?  It's worked until now so...

loveshine1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_want-friggin-ring-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5e5fb79b-14a1-4421-a8cb-e349587e3e42Post:c2fb7db4-e7e2-4847-bc07-bd653d40adb5">I WANT MY FRIGGIN' RING ALREADY!</a>:
[QUOTE]Morning, all! Here's my gripe and it's a biggie. My fiance and I have been discussing marriage for nearly two years. We started looking at rings in December of '08. Last summer, he got on one knee and proposed. Only the ring he gave me was a wedding ring from a set her was going to give his ex, like 5 years ago. Actually, I'm wearing the man's ring because the woman's one won't even fit on my pinky. He promised me that he would get me a bridal set of my own and we started planning and saving.... well, planning on saving... for a September 2010 wedding. Then stuff happened. We had a baby, I lost my job, my mother passed away, our car needed fixing, blah, blah, blah. We have nothing saved up to do it big like we wanted to in the first place. We postponed the wedding for next spring (WHEW!) and I started thinking of ways to cut back (I am a DIY kinda girl, his family owns a craft shop and his BFF's a baker so that will not be hard). The only problem is the ring. I'm still wearing the old wedding ring. He's still dreaming about getting me the 2K diamond he's been eyeing since 2008! I keep wanting to shake him and say IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I have come up with the solution of getting me a small .25-.5K ring (I found some cute ones), taking the wedding set we have and getting it resized and engraved so it can be ours and just upgrade on our 5th anniversary when we will (hopefully) have more money. I just want to feel engaged and right now I don't. He is SO against postponing again and wants me to start planning right away but I feel kinda silly without a proper ring. How do I get him to stop dreaming of the big rock, and just get me what he can afford?
Posted by ReeB83[/QUOTE]Please allow me to be blunt: He's not that into you. Move on.

Butter Cookie

The ring is small potatoes and you're turning it into something big. Just wear the ring you have now, or have it melted down and turned into something you want.

hmonkey

[QUOTE]How do I get him to stop dreaming of the big rock, and just get me what he can afford?
Posted by ReeB83[/QUOTE]

this sounds like a job for moissanite.

ReeB83

@ O-Face....Yeah, but now we're in the big leagues. My MOH is coming in June to go dress shopping and all that jazz and I want an ENGAGEMENT ring on my finger so I don't look like delusional idiot. I'm kinda embarrassed that my friends and, as of Sunday, my cousin are running around with big rocks on their fingers and I don't even have a real engagement ring.

arbolita

Personally, I would not even want to wear a wedding band that my H originally intended to give to someone else, but I suppose that's besides the point.   You don't need a shiny rock on your finger to start planning, and it's a silly reason not to do so.  Are there any other reasons you are putting off making plans?

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_want-friggin-ring-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5e5fb79b-14a1-4421-a8cb-e349587e3e42Post:d487d187-f0ad-4723-9fd0-9acd6fa23df3">Re: I WANT MY FRIGGIN' RING ALREADY!</a>:
[QUOTE]@ O-Face....Yeah, but now we're in the big leagues. My MOH is coming in June to go dress shopping and all that jazz and I want an ENGAGEMENT ring on my finger so I don't look like delusional idiot. I'm kinda embarrassed that my friends and, as of Sunday, my cousin are running around with big rocks on their fingers and I don't even have a real engagement ring.
Posted by ReeB83[/QUOTE]


Would the ring make you any more engaged?

arbolita

Also - remind him that you have a kid now - the ring needs to take a back seat, especially if he hasn't been able to save enough for one in a year and a half.

ReeB83

It would make me feel normal, I guess.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_want-friggin-ring-already?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:5e5fb79b-14a1-4421-a8cb-e349587e3e42Post:c2fb7db4-e7e2-4847-bc07-bd653d40adb5">I WANT MY FRIGGIN' RING ALREADY!</a>:
[QUOTE]Morning, all! Here's my gripe and it's a biggie. My fiance and I have been discussing marriage for nearly two years. We started looking at rings in December of '08. Last summer, he got on one knee and proposed. Only the ring he gave me was a wedding ring from a set her was going to give his ex, like 5 years ago. Actually, I'm wearing the man's ring because the woman's one won't even fit on my pinky. He promised me that he would get me a bridal set of my own and we started planning and saving.... well, planning on saving... for a September 2010 wedding. Then stuff happened. We had a baby, I lost my job, my mother passed away, our car needed fixing, blah, blah, blah. We have nothing saved up to do it big like we wanted to in the first place. We postponed the wedding for next spring (WHEW!) and I started thinking of ways to cut back (I am a DIY kinda girl, his family owns a craft shop and his BFF's a baker so that will not be hard). The only problem is the ring. I'm still wearing the old wedding ring. He's still dreaming about getting me the 2K diamond he's been eyeing since 2008! I keep wanting to shake him and say IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I have come up with the solution of getting me a small .25-.5K ring (I found some cute ones), taking the wedding set we have and getting it resized and engraved so it can be ours and just upgrade on our 5th anniversary when we will (hopefully) have more money. I just want to feel engaged and right now I don't. He is SO against postponing again and wants me to start planning right away but I feel kinda silly without a proper ring. How do I get him to stop dreaming of the big rock, and just get me what he can afford?
Posted by ReeB83[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1) it sounds like he can't afford any ring. </div><div>2) you do not need a ring to be "engaged"</div><div>3) SMDH at him giving you a ring he bought for his EX</div><div>4) WTF is a 2K / .25K-.5Kring? diamonds are measured in <em><strong>carats </strong>- maybe you should do a little research on diamonds before you throw a fit about not having one</em></div><div>5) What is more important, feeding your kid/having a place to live/a working car/etc. or a diamond ring and a big wedding? Spend only what you can afford - have a JOP ceremony or small church ceremony with a few family members and close friends. </div><div>6) this is not rocket surgery. </div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

**O-Face**

I'm staring and pointing right now.

hmonkey

btw -- " I WANT MY FRIGGIN' RING ALREADY" and "IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN" are contradictory statements.  just fyi.

Butter Cookie

I still say it's small potatoes. It's sweet your FI wants to buy you some extravagant ring, but unnecessary.

My e-ring is smoky topaz. It did not cost 2K (nowhere near, in fact) and I wouldn't have anything different. There are options.

ReeB83

That's why I was saying, Butter Cookie (some people on here are just rude). The ring I want costs $500! He could get that with his next paycheck.

Wonderw1fe

This is a lot of fvkcery. Enjoy your first marriage I guess, and learn from your past, present and future mistakes.

Butter Cookie

Well, all I can say is if you're not being 100% clear you need to be. Also, a ring is not important. The only reason I have one is because FI thought it wasn't proper for a woman not to have an e-ring. I will be just as married come wedding day.

6fsn

1) The ring doesn't make you engaged.  If it's only about showing off buy the damn thing yourself.

2) If he can't save $2k in 2 years he has bigger issues.  If he WON'T save $2k in 2 years YOU have bigger issues.

psichick

i can kinda see where you're coming from, but not for the reason that you state. if FI had proposed to me with a ring that was meant for someone else i would have flipped a s**t on him. i would NOT be wearing that thing. 

that said....since you seem ok with this idea, why didn't you just have the ering from the set that you do have resized and wear that? or if it's that big of a deal for you, buy your own ring. if it's just that you want him to buy it for you, well it doesn't look like that's going to happen. and he doesn't have to "propose again" if he gets you a new ring, no idea where that came from. 

basically it sounds like you have diamond envy. fyi - there will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger ring and more diamonds than you. getting yourself a new ring won't change that. 

Mrs.Thistletwat

if you want something sparkly for while dress shopping, go to Claire's and get something big and flashy for like $25

HookaPants

You want the ring ($) that you want and he won't get it for you because he wants to get you the ring ($$$) that he wants you to have, but he hasn't been able to put away 2k to get it. Have you explained to him that you don't want the ($$$) ring and would be happy with the ($) ring or does he know that you're just saying you want the less expensive ring to have a ring now and you won't be happy with it? Is your name Christina?

ReeB83

No my name is not Christina
And I've told him, but he keeps going " I  LOVE YOU AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST!". It's true but he can only do HIS best and if his best is $500 right now then that's fine. I know that's a complete contradiction to whining about not wearing a "real" ring but that's just how I feel.