Wedding Woes
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*FH RANT*

I love my Fiance. I truly do believe that we were made for eachother.

However lately, I swear, I haven't wanted to kill anyone more. He wants nothing to do with planning the Wedding, but anything I've decided on, or fallen in love with, he HATES.

We've been fighting so much lately, and they've been doozies too. We've never fought like this before. He's been having a really hard time at work lately, so I know his stress and anger is mostly related to that. But I feel, like he's taking his frustration out on me, and obviously that isn't fair.

I feel like, I've put stuff off for so long already (this is the third time we've pushed the Wedding back) and I just want our day already!

I'm so confused, and livid and hurt.

Re: *FH RANT*

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    kimmieniesinkkimmieniesink member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your rant is hard to read in pink for one, tone down the colour!
    So your FH disagrees with what you chose? Did he have a say in anything? Was he consulted? Maybe he is pissed because he wasn't. If his stress and anger is related to work then you need to tell him to disassociate the two.
    I am interested as to why you have changed your date three times, and remember a wedding is just that - a day - so calm down and plan together! Also, you have like 16 months practically, that is TONS of time to get things done.
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    MrsMyrtleMrsMyrtle member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fh-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:61e1ebb4-cb4c-40a7-8b6a-73de7b35f9c1Post:932380e8-d464-43f6-952f-ca415c080b07">*FH RANT*</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love my Fiance. I truly do believe that we were made for eachother. However lately, I swear, I haven't wanted to kill anyone more. He wants nothing to do with planning the Wedding, but anything I've decided on, or fallen in love with, he HATES. We've been fighting so much lately, and they've been doozies too. We've never fought like this before. He's been having a really hard time at work lately, so I know his stress and anger is mostly related to that. But I feel, like he's taking his frustration out on me, and obviously that isn't fair. I feel like, I've put stuff off for so long already (this is the third time we've pushed the Wedding back) and I just want our day already! I'm so confused, and livid and hurt.
    Posted by cupcakesfrosting[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're fighting constantly. Your FI takes out his anger on you, and you're livid. AND you've pushed the date back three times already.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm thinking it's time to take a hard look at whether or not you two should actually get married. I'm seeing several red flags.</div>
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'm with Myrtle on the red flags. 

    with his lack of interest in ANYTHING wedding related, and constantly pushing back the date, are you sure he really wants to marry you? 

    have to tried talking to him calmly about why you are upset with him, and his anger issues? 

    I'd suggest that the two of you look into couples counseling and try to work out these issues before you get married. 
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What sort of things is he hating?  Are we talking about the color of the flowers, or the style of wedding?  Most guys don't care about doing planning, but that doesn't mean they aren't entitled to any opinions.  You should sit down and have a conversation about how both of you envision your wedding and see if you can get on the same page.
    Married 10/2/10
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    edited December 2011
    You have 15 months to work out the specifics.  Just do the necesities right now like book the venue and photographer and cool it.  If you are bombarding him with wedding junk I can see why he would be upset, annoyed, uncooperative, etc.  Take it easy with all the planning for a few months.  Let the stuff at work blow over for him and take steps slowly.

    Ask him what are some of the areas of the wedding he is passionate about.  Is he really excited about cake? What about writing your own vows? Does he want to help pick out attire.  Figure out what is important to him and try to make sure you really include him in those areas.

    My fi couldn't care less about flowers so I went ahead and handled that on my own but he is really into the attire for our wedding party so he is a really active participant in that aspect.
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    edited December 2011
    I feel that there's some important information missing from your rant.  Why was the date pushed back three times?  Was it due to issues between you and your FI, or other logistical issues, like conflicts with other important dates, etc.?  If logistics was the issue (which I can understand...FI and I may need to move our date if it conflicts with my brother's high school graduation), that's one thing.  But if the date changes have to do with your FI wanting to push it further away (which I kind of sense is the case from how you ended your OP), that's a red flag.

    Also, some guys are more into wedding planning than others, and some are more interested in some aspects of the planning than others.  For example, my FI doesn't care a lot about decor, setup, favors or food (as long as it's something he likes) but gives a lot more input on the theme, colors, and drink selections, as well as invites and website setup.  Maybe your FI has a niche?  However, if he just straight up doesn't want to talk about the wedding, that's also a cause for concern.  If he's being negative about your suggestions -but- he doesn't offer any of his own, or alternately doesn't care about any of it, that's a problem. 

    I totally get that you feel that you and FI are made for each other, but it sounds like one of two things.  Either the stress of work and transitioning into marriage is making him anxious about the future, or he isn't actually wanting to get married.  Either way, communication is key.  If you are constantly fighting, then counseling would be really helpful.  But you really shouldn't plan anything else wedding or marriage-wise until you can find out for sure if your relationship is on solid ground and you and your FI are truly on the same page.  And you can't find that out without healthy, honest communication.
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    edited December 2011
    I think something is missing also. Why was the wedding postponed 3x already?

    What is the nature of your disagreements about the wedding?

    You said he is having issues at work. That may be more important right now.
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    edited December 2011
    Basically, the first time we postponed was money issues (I was laid off) the second time was because my Dad got sick, and the third time FI got sick and was in the hospital for almost a month.. $30,000 in medical bills later, it obviously wasn't the right time to start planning a wedding.

    I was pretty upset when I wrote that, things aren't as bad as I made them out to be.. We fight, a lot more than we used to, but they're not earth-shattering kind of fights.

    We can't decide on a venue because he is so picky about food. He's a Sous Chef, and food is his thing. We can't find a venue, that will allow us to bring our own, that doesn't cost double what our entire wedding budget is. I'm ok with having sub par food for a great venue, OR amazing food for a sub par venue. He's a little more picky than I am. Lol.

    We'll figure it out, we always do.. It's just a little upsetting at times.. I want to be a Mrs. :)
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