MOH issues...already.

JordanL1221

Hi everyone. I just needed some advice.

I got engaged a week ago today in Grand Cayman while on a cruise, I wasn't able to call/text anyone because the rates were outrageous, so I waited until Thursday as SOON as I got off of the ship. I sent out a mass text of my ring with the caption "He popped the question! We will talk when you wake up!" and sent it to my parents, cousins, aunt and best friend (MOH). I wanted to text them so I wouldn't wake them up, then call them once they woke up so I could tell everyone how it happened. Plus, I wanted them to know before Facebook. My parents called, FIL's called, FI's sister put out a congrats status on FB, and 6 hours later (2 pm) my best friend says "congrats." That's it. I didn't know if she was busy at work or what, but she didn't call , didn't ask details, didn't return my phone call, nothing.  That's fine.

 The weekend goes by and I try to make conversation with her. I told her how beauitful she looked in the pictures she was tagged in for the wedding she went to, asked how it was, asked how work was, etc. I also told her I had something for her and that I wanted to meet up with her to give it to her and talk. No response. Yesterday, I knew she was at work, but my heart was breaking. I asked her "are you mad at me?" Her response?

 "Not mad, indifferent. I think it was kind of crappy to tell  me the news through text, like you did it to rub it in my face and for me being such a good friend of yours I feel out of the loop. I have no clue what happened so that shows how not important I am. I don't think a good friendship should consist of competition and I feel that's what you're trying to do."

Uhh. I tried to contact her/communicate with her, etc. I explained to her that it is not a competition. Her and her boyfriend have been together longer, which may bother her as she has seen a few friends get engaged in the time her and her bf have been together. There is no race. She saw me at my absolute lowest a year and a half ago, saw me fall in love with a great guy and form a healthy, loving relationship. It doesn't matter if we had been together  six months, one year or three years. Each relationship is different. I was not trying to "rub it in her face" I just thought she would be as excited for me as I would be and WILL be for her. I really want her to be my MOH, but I am hurt, and trying to repair the situation, although it had no malicious intent at all. I just wanted to tell her the news

I just don't know what to do. I was so excited about everything and now I am just hurt and stressed. She is such a great friend normally, and we have always talked about being in each other's weddings as the MOHs...I would love nothing more for her to be my MOH, but I just can't handle the drama.

Does anyone have advice? I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance.

EK2013

I am completely sure that when you have the chance to sit down with her over tea and explain the choice you made to include her without inconveniencing her--and apologize for the fact that you didn't realize she would find the text impersonal--she will be there for you and the best friend you know she is.

6fsn

Even thought you didn't intend to hurt her you did.  Call her and apologize for how she found out and explain things. 

sarahdactyI

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_moh-issuesalready?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:660b7208-28f6-4a63-b92d-e246ea2febe6Post:78cc8f89-64d8-4d41-ae9b-610dce896d03">Re: MOH issues...already.</a>:
[QUOTE]Even thought you didn't intend to hurt her you did.  Call her and apologize for how she found out and explain things. 
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

<div>This. A lot of people are offended by receiving big news via text, even if you had good reason for not wanting to call.</div><div>
</div><div>It sounds like she might be getting angry about other things as well, which I think is pretty common when people don't actually talk about what's bothering them, so, I'd say give her a call sooner rather than later. Apologize for not calling her, ask what you can do to make it up to her.</div><div>
</div><div>TBH my best friend would have been pretty pissed if I had told her in text, even without the whole "race" bit with her BF... if your friend is still "indifferent" after you've apologized (in person or on the phone!), you might want to wait on asking her to be your MOH and work on any underlying issues there might be with the friendship. :\</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry that she wasn't super happy for you!! I know that's how I wanted all of my friends to be for me :) I had one staunchly-single friend whose response was just "Really, you too?" but, you gotta take everything in stride. </div><div>
</div><div>Good luck planning!</div>

expats14

I was in the same boat. I knew going into it that my best friend takes awhile to warm up to ideas. Once I explained to her why I hadn't been able to call (I landed at2am from Australia and she had to work the next day...), she was much more understanding. It's still taken some time for her to warm up to the wedding, but she's much more on board now. :-D Best of luck and congrats!

rayna7679

I have a MOH issue as well and hopfully you can reach your friend and mine well she unreachable . try and talk to her  your best friend hopefully it works out better than mine has. At the moment I dont know what to do about mine.