Wedding Woes

Can we ask for money?

My fiance and I are not getting married until Sept. 10, 2011, which may seem like a long time away from now, but apparently its not enough time to save enough money to pay for our already as budget friendly as it can get wedding. I was doing the math and making a budget of what we are going to need money wise, and even with me saving entire paychecks from my part time job and my fiance saving 150-200 per month from his paychecks, it will not add up to enough money.
I brought this up to him and he stated that he hates that "we will be saving all this money to end up with nothing after the wedding." I agree, but the only solution is to ask his parents to contribute money wise to our wedding. My parents have already contributed a lot, and will be paying for a few more things, and I feel I do not want to ask them for more money, because they do not have a ton to contribute. His parent, however, do have more money they could contribute, but he will not ask them.  I pointed out that we could just explain that our budget is very tight, and in doing the math we found out that we might not have enough to pay for everything we need, and if they could help us out in whatever way we would greatly appreciate it. He still doesn't like the idea, at all.

Is it tacky or rude to ask for money if you need it? They aren't the type of people to turn us away, or be put out by us asking for money. He just feels that they have already done enough for us. I don't know, I just don't want for it to come to that time and we are scrounging every last penny we have because he won't ask for money.

Re: Can we ask for money?

  • felicia220felicia220 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Don't ask them for money, your FI is right.
  • E SquaredE Squared member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How's about postponing the wedding until you can afford it?
    image
  • lharri12lharri12 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do not ask for money.  I think we all wish we could get a little more financial help with our weddings, but if you can't afford it, postpone it or scale it down.
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  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If his parents wanted to contribute, they would offer.  If they don't offer, don't ask.  I don't know about your state but a marriage license in Michigan is only $20 so I'm guessing you can afford that.  Anything else is just extra and not necessary.
  • edited December 2011
    Don't ask for money. You can postpone further or just cut back on things here and there. You would be surprised where you can make cutbacks and save a heck of a lot of money.
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Your FI is right.  Do not ask for money it is rude and tacky. 
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I agree, but the only solution is to ask his parents to contribute money wise ...
    There are other solutions. 
    The involve things like "very small wedding with 30 guests" or "elope" or "$50 and a courthouse"

    You only worry about what you can cntrol.  You can't have the wedding you're planning w/ the $ you have...you don't have a way to change the$....so you change the wedding you're planning.
  • edited December 2011
    you plan your wedding based on your budget, not the other way around. you can always cut something, the guest list, the day, the type of food, beer/wine only, etc.
  • KimP1109KimP1109 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I must agree with your FI, unless it is honeymoon related it seems rude. I would push it back or cut your guest list to a more affordable headcount. Or, look for ways to cut your expenses with the venue, menu or decor. Your guests understand how expensive a wedding can be and how hard times are right now. :-)
  • emarston1emarston1 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_can-ask-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:66db1a72-6318-42e0-91f9-7cf75257d0f1Post:8f910622-ba31-4138-b482-e5043ab4359d">Re: Can we ask for money?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I must agree with your FI, unless it is honeymoon related it seems rude. I would push it back or cut your guest list to a more affordable headcount. Or, look for ways to cut your expenses with the venue, menu or decor. Your guests understand how expensive a wedding can be and how hard times are right now. :-)
    Posted by KimP1109[/QUOTE]

    Could you please elaborate on the honeymoon related portion?   How would it not be rude to ask for money for the honeymoon (which is <em>completely </em>unncessary)?
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_can-ask-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:66db1a72-6318-42e0-91f9-7cf75257d0f1Post:8f910622-ba31-4138-b482-e5043ab4359d">Re: Can we ask for money?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I must agree with your FI, unless it is honeymoon related it seems rude. I would push it back or cut your guest list to a more affordable headcount. Or, look for ways to cut your expenses with the venue, menu or decor. Your guests understand how expensive a wedding can be and how hard times are right now. :-)
    Posted by KimP1109[/QUOTE]

    <div>It isn't appropriate to ask for money for anything, including the honeymoon.  It isn't their responsibility to pay for a vacation.</div>
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_can-ask-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:66db1a72-6318-42e0-91f9-7cf75257d0f1Post:b3429943-c2df-45f4-8f39-4d2c7a286d3e">Can we ask for money?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are not getting married until Sept. 10, 2011, which may seem like a long time away from now, but apparently its not enough time to save enough money to pay for our already as budget friendly as it can get wedding. I was doing the math and making a budget of what we are going to need money wise, and even with me saving entire paychecks from my part time job and my fiance saving 150-200 per month from his paychecks, it will not add up to enough money. I brought this up to him and he stated that he hates that "we will be saving all this money to end up with nothing after the wedding." I agree, but the only solution is to ask his parents to contribute money wise to our wedding. My parents have already contributed a lot, and will be paying for a few more things, and I feel I do not want to ask them for more money, because they do not have a ton to contribute. His parent, however, do have more money they could contribute, but he will not ask them.  I pointed out that we could just explain that our budget is very tight, and in doing the math we found out that we might not have enough to pay for everything we need, and if they could help us out in whatever way we would greatly appreciate it. He still doesn't like the idea, at all. Is it tacky or rude to ask for money if you need it? They aren't the type of people to turn us away, or be put out by us asking for money. He just feels that they have already done enough for us. I don't know, I just don't want for it to come to that time and we are scrounging every last penny we have because he won't ask for money.
    Posted by shanna1420[/QUOTE]

    Don't ask for more money. Use the money you have to create your wedding. Think about what is and is not needed.

    Programs, expensive favors (or favors of any kind, really), expensive invitations, 8 course meals, etc etc etc. Also: cut down the guest list. Or, wait till you can afford the wedding you want.
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  • KimP1109KimP1109 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    i.e the bird cage or mail box with monetary gifts or gift cards.
    So I beg to differ. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting that money towards your honeymoon, etc.

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    There's a difference between asking for money and using money that's given to you. The birdcage/card box is only meant to give guests who bring cards a place to put them. You can use the money given to you for whatever you want, but you shouldn't expect or ask for it. Depending on gift money to fund your wedding or honeymoon is dangerous though, because you have no idea how much you'll receive.
  • goferblitzgoferblitz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's rude or tacky at all, as long as you explain that you are willing to scale back the wedding.  I know if it came down to it that I could ask my mother-in-law-to-be for money, if she said no I would thank her anyways and commence with the changes needed to scale back.  I suppose if you don't know his family well it might be odd or awkward, but I really don't think it's rude.  If they get offended just apologize and move on.
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_can-ask-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:66db1a72-6318-42e0-91f9-7cf75257d0f1Post:6fa742cd-112a-4869-ad18-218c7ce63830">Re: Can we ask for money?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i.e the bird cage or mail box with monetary gifts or gift cards. So I beg to differ. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting that money towards your honeymoon, etc.
    Posted by KimP1109[/QUOTE]

    <div>A card box is fine.  That wasn't what the OP was asking.  She was asking if it was appropriate to ask her in-laws to pay for her wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>Having a card box available for those that want to give a monetary gift is fine.  Spending that money however you see fit is also fine.  But, that is not the same thing as asking someone to pay for your honeymoon, which is what your response sounded like it was advocating.</div>
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