Wedding Woes

Update on Bridesmaid Troubles

About two weeks ago, I posted a message about my bridesmaid troubles.
To give you the recap:
Recently, I had discussed ordering my bridesmaid dresses with all of my bridesmaids (there are 4 in my party). All of them were on board for ordering them at a fairly cheap price ($120), except for one. She wanted to wait a few months, and stated she wasn't "financially" able to buy it at the time. When  I offered to pay, she said she needed to talk to me personally.
When I met with her, she started to bring up a whole bunch of issues, related to my fiance and how we rushed into things (we had a very quick engagement, after dating for only 8 months), how she thought our friendship had changed, and other personal things that I was shocked to really hear!
It was very upsetting, and she told me she needed a few days to decide if she could "afford" to be apart of my wedding.
After processing what was said (and being very hurt in the process)

**To bring you up to speed...after waiting 5 days after we had the discussion, I had to call my bridesmaid back, and her answer was that yes, she would be apart of the wedding. So, I started making an effort to call her more, and it turns out that now I am the only one calling. She made an effort to email the lady to order the dresses from, but still hasn't gotten back to my other bridesmaids on what is going on. They are getting frustrated now, and time is ticking on ordering them....
to add to the stress, I had sent an email last week about getting the bridesmaids together to work on some wedding stuff this weekend, and I still haven't heard back from her.
Now that I am making more of an effort...she is still acting the same way...I truly don't think she wants to be apart of this wedding....
Thoughts???

Re: Update on Bridesmaid Troubles

  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_update-bridesmaid-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:67164ccc-0e95-4821-a4df-66f614f4c52aPost:b02124b7-edaa-4aab-aa03-74348c692f61">Update on Bridesmaid Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]About two weeks ago, I posted a message about my bridesmaid troubles. To give you the recap: Recently, I had discussed ordering my bridesmaid dresses with all of my bridesmaids (there are 4 in my party). All of them were on board for ordering them at a fairly cheap price ($120), except for one. She wanted to wait a few months, and stated she wasn't "financially" able to buy it at the time. When  I offered to pay, she said she needed to talk to me personally. When I met with her, she started to bring up a whole bunch of issues, related to my fiance and how we rushed into things (we had a very quick engagement, after dating for only 8 months), how she thought our friendship had changed, and other personal things that I was shocked to really hear! It was very upsetting, and she told me she needed a few days to decide if she could "afford" to be apart of my wedding. After processing what was said (and being very hurt in the process) **To bring you up to speed...after waiting 5 days after we had the discussion, I had to call my bridesmaid back, and her answer was that yes, she would be apart of the wedding. So, I started making an effort to call her more, and it turns out that now I am the only one calling. She made an effort to email the lady to order the dresses from, but still hasn't gotten back to my other bridesmaids on what is going on. They are getting frustrated now, and time is ticking on ordering them.... to add to the stress, I had sent an email last week about getting the bridesmaids together to work on some wedding stuff this weekend, and I still haven't heard back from her. Now that I am making more of an effort...she is still acting the same way...I truly don't think she wants to be apart of this wedding.... Thoughts???
    Posted by lisam39[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I need more information. Because right now it sounds like your other bridesmaids need a lot of hand holding. I'm assuming all of the people in your wedding party are full fledged adults, and if they say they are going to do something you need to take them at their word. If you don't feel you can trust them you shouldn't have asked them to be in your BP in the first place. </div><div>
    </div><div>If I were the BM in question I'd be pissed everybody needed me to call them and tell them I ordered a dress. 

    </div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
     1) first of all, it's "a part" not "apart" 

    "apart" is the opposite of "together"

    2) why does it matter if she gives the other bridesmaids updates on her dress-ordering progress? my bridesmaids didn't call each other and say "I GOT MY DRESS!!!!11!eleventy!"

    3) your bridal party members are not slaves to YOUR wedding - they have their own lives. I would much rather do anything else over my weekend than "work on some(one else's) wedding stuff." Get your FI to help assemble favors or invites or whatever menial tasks you were going to force your bridesmaids to participate in. The only thing they are required to do is show up on time to the wedding in whatever outfit they agreed to wear. 




  • edited December 2011
    What do you really want from this girl? She told you she didn't want to be in the wedding. You're making an effort to call her more. To talk about what? Wedding stuff or friend stuff? I'd avoid your calls if it's the former. A friendship isn't forced. And you're forcing. Wedding sht is boring. Even if it's your own wedding. Get your FI to help or do it yourself. Would you have anyone (who isn't a volunteered or paid tutor) come over and help you with your homework? Same concept here. Maybe you need to just consider this friendship over. It doesn't sound like either of you are too thrilled about it.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Not everyone will be "yay you're getting married!!!!1!!".  They'll participate in the least ways but really that's all that they NEED to do.  Beyond that it's what they WANT to do that dictates their actions.

    As far as you've described this person, she doesn't actively participate in your life anyway, so this shouldn't be a huge change in how you see her.
    image
  • lisam39lisam39 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    No, My bridesmaids are not "Slaves", but this bridesmaid in particular wanted to take the task of ordering them for everyone: 1. Because they are considerably cheaper 2.Because she had the contact information.
    My point being is that she took on the ownership of doing this task, and everyone else thought it was taken care of and it has not been. So, what is probably going to happen is that they will just order them from a bridal store instead.
    I know that being in a wedding party is not the most excitng thing that is happening in her life right now, what I am saying is that she definitely isn't showing any interest in being involved in some of the things a bridesmaid should be involved with. Everyone else seems to be on board, except her.

    BTW, as most brides know, being in a wedding party does not just mean you show up on that day...there is a little bit more involvement than that.

  • edited December 2011
    But she's shown you that she doesn't really care, so...what I said above still stands.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
    Photobucket
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards