Sister in law to be, asking us to change wedding date

schultavarhelyi

So we finally make a decision on a date (huge headache regarding venue, photographer etc availibilities) and my finances sister asked us to now change it because that's the date of her 3yo daughters first dance recital. Now I understand she doesn't want to miss that, I get it. However, really?! How can you put that pressure and stress on me? I don't want to change it, but I also don't want to deal with awkwardness or family chaos from this whole thing. We have always had a great relationship, so I'm surprised she even asked. Everyone I talk to says no but I can't help feeling torn, and so is my fiancé. Help!

schultavarhelyi

Oh and this is her second daughter, the older one is also in dance and has had multiple recitals now.

artbyallie

Don't expect her to choose your wedding over her kid if you keep your date.

schultavarhelyi

I understand that and would never expect her to choose over her child.

misssunshine17

As a dance teacher... no. Don't change your date. However, my FSIL changed the date of her wedding for me, so I might be inclined to see if you can do it. Because it's your FI's sister, you need to let him decide and go with what he wants. 

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-in-law-to-be-asking-us-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:69cf4b98-ed0c-4255-b3a0-fc7925093890Post:b3228591-c1eb-4ceb-b89d-e0ca5071a44a">Sister in law to be, asking us to change wedding date</a>:
[QUOTE]So we finally make a decision on a date (huge headache regarding venue, photographer etc availibilities) and my finances sister asked us to now change it because that's the date of her 3yo daughters first dance recital. Now I understand she doesn't want to miss that, I get it. However, really?! How can you put that pressure and stress on me? I don't want to change it, but I also don't want to deal with awkwardness or family chaos from this whole thing. We have always had a great relationship, so I'm surprised she even asked. Everyone I talk to says no but I can't help feeling torn, and so is my fiancé. Help!
Posted by schultavarhelyi[/QUOTE]

<div>it would have been considerate to check with your immediate families prior to setting a date. If you did they, got the ok, made plans, and then this arose at a later time, then i would say it looks like FSIL has a choice to make - attend the wedding or a dance recital for a 3yo. </div><div>
</div><div>^if this was the case, I would not entertain changing the date. and the FSIL should be ashamed of herself for even asking. </div><div>
</div>

6fsn

I really can understand the fSIL asking.  I can understand you saying no. 

The fact there is an older child has no bearing on the situation.  It's still the other child's first recital.

tawillers

Ditto 6.

Don't feel bad about changing the date.  She'll just have to figure it out.  You seem to be pretty level-headed and understand she will probably choose the recital.

Who knows, maybe her daughter's portion of the recital will be before your wedding, and she can still make it.  In any case, I'm sure she'll be at the reception.

NOLABridesmaid

Aren't most dance recitals an hour or two? Does your wedding start at the same time or is it just on the same day?

It might be possible for her to do both.

Wzz

i want to know which event the sister knew about first - the wedding, or the dance recital.

schultavarhelyi

Thanks everyone. She never got back to me about what time the recital is. I'm very understanding and generally go with the flow, but so far this wedding is about everyone but me. I beg my fiancé to elope but he wants this. So apparently being the "bigger person" I am looking at another date but am definitely not happy about it but want to keep the piece in the family. Cannot wait for this madness to end.

schultavarhelyi

Peace*

auroraborealisabc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_sister-in-law-to-be-asking-us-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:69cf4b98-ed0c-4255-b3a0-fc7925093890Post:f9afd162-dc27-4bba-b0c8-181d6a74545f">Re: Sister in law to be, asking us to change wedding date</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. She never got back to me about what time the recital is. I'm very understanding and generally go with the flow, but so far this wedding is about everyone but me. I beg my fiancé to elope but he wants this. So apparently being the "bigger person" I am looking at another date but am definitely not happy about it but want to keep the piece in the family. Cannot wait for this madness to end.
Posted by schultavarhelyi[/QUOTE]

I'm really surprised you're being so cool and looking at another date.  To me it is shocking she asked you to change it - Some people pick a specific date because it has special meaning to them... Others (like myself, and it sounds like maybe you) really are at the whim of their venue and what their availability is, in particular if it's a popular place.  Nailing down a date often is very not easy, and for her to ask you to change it I, personally, think is kind of ridiculous.  She may choose her daughter's recital over her brother's wedding (because that's who the decision would be between, not you and her daughter)...  I can understand that her daughter's dance recital is important, but I still think it's unfair for you to change such a big thing about your wedding.