Would it be really mean for me to do this? (wedding guest & location)

[Deleted User]

I have a large family that I am very familiar with, but not very emotionaly close with. By large family I mean, my mom has 5 sisters, each with their own kids. My mom's mom has 7 siblings, all with kids with more kids. I haven't really decided how many people I want at our wedding, but I'm leaning more towards a small amount because I find that less stressful and more comfortable.

I've been trying to figure out a PLACE for the wedding because I can't seem to figure anything else out until I figure that out. I've always wanted an outdoor wedding, even though weather and bugs and wind are scary thoughts. But I'm thinking I need to search for a place with a covered pavillion.

MY PROBLEM IS: I keep thinking about places around my home town, where ALL of my family live. (My whole giant family lives in the same small town, yes). But I haven't started looking for places around there yet because I think if I have my wedding so close to my home town, but I don't want to invite my whole giant family, would that be really horrible of me? I know a lot of people can't have their whole family with them because of distance problems, so would it be totally messed up if I had a wedding so close to my home town with only inviting a few people?

And if it is totally mean, how do you guys handle having family at your wedding that you feel is only there because they are related to you, and not because they are actually part of your life. ???

*Barbie*

have you even discussed any of this with your FI - size of the guest list, location, etc? 

everything in your OP was "me, me me"

you and your FI need to sit down together and discuss what the two of you want. if others are paying for the wedding, then they need to be involved in the conversation too. The people who pay for the wedding are the ones who establish the guest list - if your parents pay, they may want to invite all of the relatives. 

[Deleted User]

... he he. My first post on this site and I am struck with the harshness of the fellow posters.

How about you do not worry about me and my fiance because I didn't ask for your assumptions of how we are handling things.

I will say that he and I will be the ones paying for the majority of everything, since I agree that is an important note I left out, with maybe some hand outs from anyone who is nice enough to help us out.

My Fiance is welcome to invite his entire extended family, even though he will probably only invite his mom's side. I am emotionally closer to them than I am with my extended family anyway.
However I am not flat out saying I'm not inviting my extended family, I just want some help knowing how I should go about it.

artbyallie

It's fine to only invite who you want, regardless of the wedding location. But don't jump on someone for asking a legitimate question. It's your fiancé's wedding too, after all, so his opinions are much more important than any of ours.

If someone gets offended just because they happen to live near where the wedding is taking place, that's on them because you're not obligated to invite anyone. I would be careful though that no wedding talk happens around anyone you won't be inviting.

[Deleted User]

Thank you! and yeah I kinda overracted about the first post. I should have just aswered the questions. Yes! Of course I am talking with my fiance about all this. He's my best friend. I just thought I could post a question and get some help without having to spill out my entire situation in my fist post on this website. I guess I was a little offended, being told that if family was paying for the wedding that they will need to make descisions.... I hoped it would just be assumed that since I was the one making the decision that I am the one paying for at least half of it. But it's true that some people need to be told I guess, so I'll stop being offended now.

Thank you! again, for your response to my question, it was helpful. ^_^

redheadtmk

You should do some more lurking.... you will find that many, and I mean lots!! of brides come on here and post with very little information. Then when you give advice, they suddenly share more of the story. So when you respond to that info, they suddenly have even more info that affects the situation. Those who have been on here for awhile have learned to ask some questions and make sure they have more of the story before responding. Especially if there are circumstance that would affect thier answer.

To answer  your question, most couples agree on a cutoff point, such as only first cousins and no children. etc.That makes it even family wise if not number wise for both the bride and groom. If you have it in your home town avoid talking about it to those who are not invited and just say due to financial constraints you are having a very limited guest list.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_would-it-be-really-mean-for-me-to-do-this-wedding-guest-location?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6da020ac-72d7-47df-a915-6f8c1f43e23fPost:7c108ab9-e6d2-42da-9c14-4b6af687c32f">Re: Would it be really mean for me to do this? (wedding guest & location)</a>:
[QUOTE]... he he. My first post on this site and I am struck with the harshness of the fellow posters. <strong>How about you do not worry about me and my fiance because I didn't ask for your assumptions of how we are handling things.</strong> I will say that he and I will be the ones paying for the majority of everything, since I agree that is an important note I left out, with maybe some hand outs from anyone who is nice enough to help us out. My Fiance is welcome to invite his entire extended family, even though he will probably only invite his mom's side. I am emotionally closer to them than I am with my extended family anyway. <strong>However I am not flat out saying I'm not inviting my extended family, I just want some help knowing how I should go about it.</strong>
Posted by Erin & Cookie[/QUOTE]

<div>when you only provide a portion of the story, that is all we have to go on. </div><div>
</div><div>all you talked about in the OP is what YOU wanted, how YOUR family was impacted, the *emotional* impact on YOU, YOUR relationship with extended family, etc.  - nothing about your FI, his wants, his opinions, etc. you never mentioned who is paying in the OP - which, as I said, will impact the guest list. If your parents pay and want to invite everyone they have ever known, it's their right. If you and your FI pay and decide that you can afford to host 100 people, then you base the guest list on that limit. </div><div>
</div><div>how you should go about what? deciding who to invite? that's up to you, your fi, and anyone financially contributing to the wedding. we can't tell you where the cutoff is. some people have a wedding where it's just the immediate familiy, where others invite 300+ people. it depends on what you want and what you can afford. </div><div>
</div><div>if others asking legitimate questions *OFFENDS* you so much, you need to put on your big girl panties, or find somewhere else to post. typically local boards are into blowing puppies and rainbows up your ass - so if you're looking for coddling, a national/global board is not the place to post. </div><div>
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hannahmassey

I'm having a destination wedding for the very same reasons.

mdeidre

It's not bad to not want to invite people, especially if you aren't very close to them.  No one should feel like they are being forced to have people they don't want at their wedding.  As long as you and your FI are in agreement, there shouldn't be any problem with making your wedding as big or as small as you both want it to be.