Wedding Woes

4 days from wedding....with drama

Just wanted to vent a little.  I am literally 4 days from my wedding and I just found out about 2 weeks ago that my future MIL, sister in law, her husband (who is one of the groomsmen) and some of the other out of town family will not be at the rehearsal dinner.  We have been planning this wedding for over a year and EVERYONE has known about it.  It is not a very small wedding, there will be about 170 guests, and it irritates me that they feel like they don't need to be at the rehearsal dinner.  My FH and I argued about it bc he thinks it's not a big deal, but I feel like they just don't take into consideration the time and money WE have spent on this wedding.  They act like our wedding is an inconvenience to their lives!  Our wedding is this Sunday, and they are flying in Saturday night at midnight!!  They are not rich, but they have a LOT more money than we do, so the money was not an option.  They have offered to pay for nothing, (except the brother-in-law who rented a tux) or offered to help in any way.  They all post things on FB about how excited they are to come, but to me, there actions seem to show more than words.  Then last night, my FH's dad called and said he probably won't make it to the rehearsal dinner either, and he lives in the next town over from us.  That means, NONE of my FH's side of the family will be at the rehearsal dinner, and it has me up at 2am this morning.  Am I turning into Bridezilla?  I guess other people don't see our wedding as special as I wanted them to.  Maybe they all hate me.  Maybe I am asking too much.  I just wanted our families to mingle and get to meet each other the night before.  Some of them have never met before and I have been with my FH for 6 years!! And oh yeah....PRACTICE the wedding stuff, so we won't have to do it the next morning!!  I hope someone responds to this.  I just want to know if I am being a little too dramatic....
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Re: 4 days from wedding....with drama

  • In Response to Re:4 days from wedding....with drama:[QUOTE]Just wanted to vent a little. nbsp;I am literally 4 days from my wedding and I just found out about 2 weeks ago that my future MIL, sister in law, her husband who is one of the groomsmen and some of the other out of town family will not be at the rehearsal dinner. nbsp;We have been planning this wedding for over a year and EVERYONE has known about it. nbsp;It is not a very small wedding, there will be about 170 guests, and it irritates me that they feel like they don't need to be at the rehearsal dinner. nbsp;My FH and I argued about it bc he thinks it's not a big deal, but I feel like they just don't take into consideration the time and money WE have spent on this wedding. nbsp;They act like our wedding is annbsp;inconvenience to their lives! nbsp;Our wedding is this Sunday, and they are flying in Saturday night at midnight!! nbsp;They are not rich, but they have anbsp;LOT more money than we do, so the money was not an option. nbsp;They have offered to pay for nothing, except the brotherinlaw who rented a tux or offered to help in any way. nbsp;They all post things on FB about how excited they are to come, but to me, there actions seem to show more than words. nbsp;Then last night, my FH's dad called and said he probably won't make it to the rehearsal dinner either, and he lives in the next town over from us. nbsp;That means, NONE of my FH's side of the family will be at the rehearsal dinner, and it has me up at 2am this morning. nbsp;Am I turning into Bridezilla? nbsp;I guess other people don't see our wedding as special as I wanted them to. nbsp;Maybe they all hate me. nbsp;Maybe I am asking too much. nbsp;I just wanted our families to mingle and get to meet each other the night before. nbsp;Some of them have never met before and I have been with my FH for 6 years!! And oh yeah....PRACTICE the wedding stuff, so we won't have to do it the next morning!! nbsp;I hope someone responds to this. nbsp;I just want to know if I am being a little too dramatic.... Posted by cooper83[/QUOTE]

    jic
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  • So you feel like you are far more of an authority on how to spend other people's money and manage everyone's work and travel schedules. Right.
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  • It would be ONE thing, if I was the ONLY one whose time and money were being wasted.  Our wedding planner is also very angry.  Mostly for the fact that she will not have time to tell and show everyone where they are supposed to be etc, the next morning and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like to do things twice.  But if they have had an entire year to plan to take off for this, and this is my MIL's ONLY son, you would have thought they would have at least taken off an extra day.  My FH's mother doesn't even work, bc his step dad works at a college, that is NOT open on Saturday or Sunday.   And maybe I expected people to be there because we are wasting money on a rehearsal dinner that people usually REHEARSE at!!!  So take it how u want.  For his ENTIRE family not to come, it seems stupid.  I guess because I vented I deserve the moronic remarks. 
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  • Are you upset because you feel like it's a personal thing against you or because you think they need to rehearse the wedding?  Because, come on.  Weddings aren't hard.

    If you think it's a personal thing, I understand and it happened to me.  It was sort of the beginning of the end of my relationship with my MIL when she pulled what she pulled the day before the rehearsal.  But I wasn't upset because I thought she needed to take notes on where to walk and sit.

    But keep in mind that you asked if you were being bridezilla.  If you're upset at the lack of rehearsal, then yes.  It really won't be that big of a deal.

    You also mentioned that not everyone is as excited about your wedding as you.  That is absolutely true.  But it doesn't have to bring you down.  Why do you care how excited they are?  All that should matter is that you and your FI are happy about it.
  • Thank you.  You made me feel better.  I guess I just feel like it's personal.  I have always felt like they don't like me.  I don't expect them to be as excited as me, but I just thought they would have been more interested in sharing this with us.  This is both of our first and last marriages. (Hopefully) and I just wanted family to come together.  But you really relieved my mind, I guess I just wanted to know if someone else shared my views.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_4-days-from-weddingwith-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:6e0c85bd-a9ef-4a87-99f1-e56fa38d575dPost:26f48eb3-02c5-490e-b2e5-4d5e836f043f">Re: 4 days from wedding....with drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]It would be ONE thing, if I was the ONLY one whose time and money were being wasted.  Our wedding planner is also very angry.  Mostly for the fact that she will not have time to tell and show everyone where they are supposed to be etc, the next morning and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like to do things twice.  But if they have had an entire year to plan to take off for this, and this is my MIL's ONLY son, you would have thought they would have at least taken off an extra day.  My FH's mother doesn't even work, bc his step dad works at a college, that is NOT open on Saturday or Sunday.  <strong> And maybe I expected people to be there because we are wasting money on a rehearsal dinner that people usually REHEARSE at!!! </strong> So take it how u want.  For his ENTIRE family not to come, it seems stupid.  I guess because I vented I deserve the moronic remarks. 
    Posted by cooper83[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>apparently you've never been to a rehersal dinner. </div><div>
    </div><div>dinner typically follows a rehersal/walkthrough at the ceremony location (when available). this isn't some sort of crazy dinner theater event. </div><div>
    </div><div>i can see being upset if your ILS told you they would be there and you paid for their food, and then they changed plans/skipped out at the last minute - but if you have known in advance that they could not fly in until that night, then it is what it is. </div><div>
    </div><div>if this doesn't bother your FI, I really don't see why it's bothering you so much. you need to chill out. 

    </div>
  • I would be frustrated as well, but it is what it is.  Getting angry and frustrated isn't going to change the situation and will just make you miserable and resentful during the celebration. 

    My advice is to vent to us and then move on.  Enjoy the people who will be at the rehearsal and assign someone to fill in the people who weren't. 
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  • edited October 2012
    Really? It's a rehearsal dinner, not a personal audience with the Pope. They will be fine with the planner telling them 15 minutes before where to stand and when to walk. Be annoyed that you paid for meals that won't be consumed. Did you not ask at anytime before what the itineraries are?

    Also, the planner works for you. She doesn't get to be annoyed or mad- you're paying her to be your beck-and-call-girl.

    A bigger issue would be if they weren't coming to the wedding. That is when you say "Sorry, you'll miss it..." and just get married without them.
  • None of my DH's family was at our RD and yet we still managed to get married.   Quite frankly, we were happy that we didn't have to buy dinner for them which meant more spending money for our honeymoon.   It seems like you're looking for things to get upset about.   Just chill and enjoy your wedding.
  • I would call and cut them from the count for dinner and save a few bucks.  I would thank them for the savings. Not much ruffles our feathers.  
  • Thanks for all the comments.  I have chilled.  Guess I was just angry at first, bc I took it as a personal thing.  But you guys are right, I don't need to care or worry if they don't like me.  It's our day and we will have fun!!
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