Wedding Woes

WW3 with my mom - help appreciated

I have had 3 MAJOR fights with my mom throughout this engagement and we NEVER fight like this.  I mean screaming, cursing, yelling...weddings make people crazy! 

Our biggest issue is expectations about how much work there really is and who's doing it.  For example, this week alone I spent 15 hours calling limo places, organizing tuxes, finding a shower outfit, shopping for escort cards, arranging seating, updating the budget, compiling guests lists for 3 different events...on and on.

When I get to my mom's house today she says "I really don't think there's much to be stressed over at this point.  What's there really to do?  I can't imagine there being more than an hour of two of tasks".   So I explain what I spent those 15 hours on.  Screaming fight ensued about how I felt alone and with the lion's share of the work, and how she feels I'm ungrateful for "all the work she's done" (WHAT WORK?!!!). 

Instead of sitting down and talking about it like rational adults, she literally says "you can't talk to your mother like that" and storms out of the room.  So we NEVER resolve the dumb conflict!

My twin sister got married 2 years ago and the FIRST thing she said when I got engaged was that I would plan the whole wedding myself and mom would take credit for doing the work (that was her experience).  I guess it's my fault that I expected something different.

I'm realizing my mom may be a bit old-fashioned and feel like you really CAN'T talk about all your feelings.  I'm a realist and figure you have conflict in any major relationship, and that it's healthy to talk about what's going on and where you're miscommunicating. 

We're just coming from two totally different places and it's a MESS! 
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