So upset, can someone help?

smapes

My best friend and brother are getting engaged next week. My friend is always saying how she and her family don't have money for engagement/bridal/wedding things. She wanted an engagement party badly. So I started planning a surprise party for her and my brother. I rented a hall and it was going to cost about 4 thousand. Im a teacher so that's a lot for me. I was happy to do it. I told her Mom that this engagement party was something my family wanted to do to help out. Later on I asked her Aunt to put together a guest list for the invitations. The next day my friend's Mom called me  and flipped out saying "This is MY daughter... What the hell are you dong... You should have asked me first... I need to be included in everything...: so on and so on. I was hysterical crying. I really tried to do something out f the kindness of my heart and I get shot down and it hurts so bad. I don't even want to do it anymore. It feels tainted. I told her Mother that I shuldn't have over stepped my bounds, the couple isn't engaged yet, so let's not get ahead of ourselves, and lets put it on hold for now and talk about it again in a couple of months. (But I'll make sure I say I have no money in a couple of months). Am I rght or wrong? She wants to meet up and talk about this again this weekend! HELP!!!!

smapes

Thanks... I appreciate the advice. ust one more thing... How do I handle her Mother? She wants to talk about it this weekend with me and my Mom. Ps a very young close friend of my family's just passed away and his funeral is this saturday, its like she doesnt care and wants confrontation. How do i handle her. What should I say. How do I officialy back out of this?

 

ehassett

Wow!

That is pretty ridiculous. First, I think that you were really thoughtful to plan this party for your friend/FSIL. I also agree that her mom over-reacted, but there is probably more going on than just an engagement party (maybe she is having a hard time letting go?). I would also take it as a hint to step back from the engagement party.

If I were you, I would explain to her that a close friend has passed away and you need to spend time this weekend mourning your lose, processing your various emotions, and preparing yourself to continue life without this friend. (sorry-I know that sounds really cheesy, but those things are all important). Besides, your recent loss will not help anyone stay polite at this "confrontation."

If this MOB-to-be can't understand why you need time to grieve, you have much bigger problems with her than a spat over a party!

Best of luck--in-laws are so challenging!
Erin

smapes

Thanks guys I needed that