Did anyone else see this update?

ReturnOfKuus

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_just-need-to-vent-2_.0


Wzz, I need you especially to get in here.

VarunaTT

:O

dharmabunny

Reader's Digest version, por favor.

tawillers

Dharma - OP went to a wedding recently where the B&G seemed miserable and she's worried that her wedding will be miserable as well.

But that's not even close to what the issue is or the reason for her post.

Her FI's exGF recently passed away and the FI is taking it very badly.  OP feels uncomfortable with how much the death has upset him and they had to move their wedding date because of his grief.  She wanted to know if she's a terrible person for feeling uncomfortable/jealous about it all.

Several people responded that they'd be downright pssed if their plans were ruined and that they'd question the relationship with the FI.

She updated that she decided to share her feelings with her FI and he made her feel terrible for saying anything and he pointed out that he is getting comfort and support from old friends, since he doesn't feel she is there for him.

Did I miss anything?

VarunaTT

I think the relevant TLDR is that her FI is mourning his ex's death to a point that is making her uncomfortable.  When she tried to discuss that with him, he told her she was souless and was finding comfort from multiple friends who have called him to express their sorry.

WTF, indeed.

ETA: Taw's is better.

I can't get over this.  I hope she runs screaming for the hills.  Kuus, you should post the link to this thread in that thread, so she pops over here.

tawillers

Oh, and they live 14 hours apart and she can't go live with him because her family would disapprove, though this is the least of her worries.

Wzz

reading the update now...


so he's risking his relationship with a real live person who's agreed to marry him, because he's holding onto feelings about his EX's death?

ok that sounds healthy.

dharmabunny

Thanks all....yep, trade that FI in for a better model.

Wzz

the fact that people actually called him to offer support and condolences makes me wonder if they areally ever broke up.

VarunaTT

Wzz, I wondered the same thing.  This is all very weird.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_did-anyone-else-see-this-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:728b28d4-812f-41f1-a7fd-c19d1baa63a0Post:5d12529a-6660-4b3a-9efd-d06b0c5c78e1">Re: Did anyone else see this update?</a>:
[QUOTE]the fact that people actually called him to offer support and condolences makes me wonder if they areally ever broke up.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

<div>eh. I don't know about that. Could go either way, depending on how long ago they broke up, what the current status of the relationship was (she said they were still friends), how long/strong they had been together, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>I know I've crawled out of the woodwork to offer condolences to people I hadn't really talked to in years. </div>

dharmabunny

In Response to Re:Did anyone else see this update?:[QUOTE]the fact that people actually called him to offer support and condolences makes me wonder if they areally ever broke up. Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

That, or he made that shizz up to "prove" his point, and be a total fckface in the process.

Wzz

i don't believe that people would call the ex boyfriend of somsone who just died to offer condolences unless more is going on. JMO.

i'd never call an ex of someone to tell them i am sorry for their loss. what did they lose? isn't a loss already implied in a breakup? sure she said that the FO and his ex were still friends, but even still. it's still an ex.

VarunaTT

I can see calling someone to see if they knew, just b/c I would assume they were interested.  But, offering condolences?  She never offered up if ex shared a kid or not, I can see that maybe changing things.  But any other situation just seems bizarre to offer condolences on an ex.

Wzz

according to the OP, people came out of the woodowkr to call, people who he hadn't heard form in a while. he used that to throw in her face to say she is unsupportive.

she should turn around and ask how close they were really, since that seems a little dramatic.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_did-anyone-else-see-this-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:728b28d4-812f-41f1-a7fd-c19d1baa63a0Post:51a1dd5e-b461-41e5-8259-e5d3773506fd">Re: Did anyone else see this update?</a>:
[QUOTE]according to the OP, people came out of the woodowkr to call, people who he hadn't heard form in a while. he used that to throw in her face to say she is unsupportive. she should turn around and ask how close they were really, since that seems a little dramatic.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, she should have been asking that anyway, since he was so upset in the first place.</div>

ReturnOfKuus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_did-anyone-else-see-this-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:728b28d4-812f-41f1-a7fd-c19d1baa63a0Post:51a1dd5e-b461-41e5-8259-e5d3773506fd">Re: Did anyone else see this update?</a>:
[QUOTE]according to the OP, people came out of the woodowkr to call, people who he hadn't heard form in a while. he used that to throw in her face to say she is unsupportive. she should turn around and ask how close they were really, since that seems a little dramatic.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]


Yeeeeah... I'm starting to think that his overblown grieving is about 10% genuine grief, and 90% deliberately making Aria feel insecure and uncomfortable.  I get the impression that this guy only looks like a good mate when compared to someone actually hitting you.

entropicbeauty

One of my friends was just recently in a car accident and killed...we called his ex-girlfriend (who we're closer friends with) and sent our condolences. She was "over" him but it was still rough for her.

It's still hard to go through having someone you love/loved die. Not that that excuses his behavior towards his FI.

Wzz

honestly, i wouldn't blink at the thought of someone grieving over the death of an ex. HOWEVER, the OP is alive, well, and planning a wedding with this guy. he's putting more value on the dead ex than his real life relationship. ihe decided to brush off the OP's feelings because he thinks his are more valid.

even if she is a little jealous, he's completely dismissing her feelings.

i dunno. alive finacee trumps dead ex any day of the week IMO.

23BRIDE2B

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_did-anyone-else-see-this-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:728b28d4-812f-41f1-a7fd-c19d1baa63a0Post:a8f2b623-4748-4447-a94b-4008065df75c">Re: Did anyone else see this update?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did anyone else see this update? : Yeeeeah... I'm starting to think that his overblown grieving is about 10% genuine grief, and 90% deliberately making Aria feel insecure and uncomfortable.  I get the impression that this guy only looks like a good mate when compared to someone actually hitting you.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

110% agree!!!