FSIL HATES me

Knottie_22383029

My future sister in law has spent the past two years making my life as difficult as she can.

My fiance and I have been on and off for the last three years, since he's in the military and I didn't want a long-distance relationship. However, this past fall, he told me that he had to spend his life with me, and I realized I couldn't be without him, even if it was and often will be long-distance.

However, his little sister has taken our previously fluctuating status as a personal insult. After the first time we ended it, she told anyone who would listen (our friends, their parents, etc) that I am an ugly, stupid b**** who didn't deserve him. This has continued, whether or not we've been together.

Now, she's bad-mouthing my dress, calling me and my ideas tacky, refuses to be a bridesmaid (good for me, but still rude), and said "she refuses to let her brother get married in any ceremony I plan".

I'm sick of the constant hatred from this girl. She's an adult woman and should know better. My fiance has talked to her many times about this, my FMIL has talked to her, and my mother and sister are prepared to kill her and hide the body.

I have truly never been anything but polite and friendly to her. I'm a "kill them with kindness" kind of person. How can I get her to at least calm down so my wedding is as drama-free as possible?

lyssabee

My future sister in law has spent the past two years making my life as difficult as she can.

My fiance and I have been on and off for the last three years, since he's in the military and I didn't want a long-distance relationship. However, this past fall, he told me that he had to spend his life with me, and I realized I couldn't be without him, even if it was and often will be long-distance.

However, his little sister has taken our previously fluctuating status as a personal insult. After the first time we ended it, she told anyone who would listen (our friends, their parents, etc) that I am an ugly, stupid b**** who didn't deserve him. This has continued, whether or not we've been together.

Now, she's bad-mouthing my dress, calling me and my ideas tacky, refuses to be a bridesmaid (good for me, but still rude), and said "she refuses to let her brother get married in any ceremony I plan".

I'm sick of the constant hatred from this girl. She's an adult woman and should know better. My fiance has talked to her many times about this, my FMIL has talked to her, and my mother and sister are prepared to kill her and hide the body.

I have truly never been anything but polite and friendly to her. I'm a "kill them with kindness" kind of person. How can I get her to at least calm down so my wedding is as drama-free as possible?

Weezy56

She sounds awful. Refusing to be a bridesmaid is not rude, but I'm sorry that you are having to deal with the rest of her shenanigans. All you can do at this point is refuse to engage her or anyone else who wants to bring her up in conversation. Although your F has spoken to her about this, he needs to give her an ultimatum to either hush up or she is out of his life for good.

kerbohl

She sounds incredibly immature.  She also sounds like she doesn't have any respect for her brother either if he has talked to her about it and she has let the behaviour continue.  Maybe point this out to FI and have him mention it to her?  If she won't calm down for love of you, a good sister will do it for love of her brother.  Or so I hope.

GBCK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-hates-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7376012d-a57e-4dc0-b89a-890cf1fc52c5Post:64ddd4d1-f6e5-41e2-b88a-fac95b9bb6a7">FSIL HATES me</a>:
[QUOTE]My future sister in law has spent the past two years making my life as difficult as she can. My fiance and I have been on and off for the last three years, since he's in the military and I didn't want a long-distance relationship. However, this past fall, he told me that he had to spend his life with me, and I realized I couldn't be without him, even if it was and often will be long-distance. However, his little sister has taken our previously fluctuating status as a personal insult. After the first time we ended it, she told anyone who would listen (our friends, their parents, etc) that I am an ugly, stupid b**** who didn't deserve him. This has continued, whether or not we've been together. Now, she's bad-mouthing my dress, calling me and my ideas tacky, refuses to be a bridesmaid (good for me, but still rude), and said "she refuses to let her brother get married in any ceremony I plan". I'm sick of the constant hatred from this girl. She's an adult woman and should know better. My fiance has talked to her many times about this, my FMIL has talked to her, and my mother and sister are prepared to kill her and hide the body. I have truly never been anything but polite and friendly to her. I'm a "kill them with kindness" kind of person. How can I get her to at least calm down so my wedding is as drama-free as possible?
Posted by lyssabee[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What is your FI doing about any of this?</div><div>is he ignoring it and hoping it will go away?</div><div>is he feeding the drama?

</div>

Dchacha413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fsil-hates-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7376012d-a57e-4dc0-b89a-890cf1fc52c5Post:366519b8-15ed-4c8d-876f-514006487946">Re:FSIL HATES me</a>:
[QUOTE]She sounds awful. Refusing to be a bridesmaid is not rude, but I'm sorry that you are having to deal with the rest of her shenanigans. All you can do at this point is refuse to engage her or anyone else who wants to bring her up in conversation. Although your F has spoken to her about this<strong>, he needs to give her an ultimatum to either hush up or she is out of his life for good.
</strong>Posted by Weezy56[/QUOTE]

This is horrible advice.  You are not a dictator, you cannot decide who is in or out of his life "for good" and regardless of your issues that is his sister.  You need to handle it not him, you need to talk to her privately about everything going on.

AddieCake

Don't discuss your wedding with her and refuse to be around her if she is hateful to your face. She can't cause drama if you don't engage her.

Weezy56

Dchaha, No. It's HIS sister, he needs to be handling her, not OP. It's his responsibility to put an end to this and if he does not step up and put his foot down his sister will continue with her behavior. If he is doing anything besides that he is putting his sister's feelings before hers. I don't care of its his sister, sharing DNA does not give someone a free pass to treat someone so poorly. He should be putting OP first above all others, including family.

Dchacha413

It HER issues! If it was me I would take care of it myself. Instead of playing he said she games go straight to the source fsil and sort it out. At some point you need to learn to defend yourself and not hide behind your fi

Weezy56

It's not about hiding behind her fianc. It goes both ways. For example, if her brother was going around bashing her F, it would be up to HER to handle it because it's HER brother. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to marry someone who would sit back and let me fight a battle with THEIR family member.

Knottie_22383029

My FI isn't ignoring it and isn't feeding the drama. As much as I want to punch her in the throat, he has spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how to create peace. He has said that she can either be supportive of the wedding or not come, but in an ideal world she would get a grip and A- never speak about or to me ever again or B- grow up, apologize, and smile for photos from the pews.

My FI has said to her in very clear terms that he finds her hatred insulting to him, since it implies that she doesn't trust his judgement. I haven't heard anything nasty in probably a week from her, which is a new record, but I don't believe this silence will last.