July 2012 Weddings

People who just assume they are invited to your wedding!

So I worked with this girl for a couple of years waitressing when I was in college.  Which was about 7 years ago.  Since then she has moved to Florida.  I don't ever see her or talk to her.  We are friends on facebook but we don't ever talk on the phone or anything.  She does send me Christmas cards of her daughter every year.  When she had her daughter she invited to her baby shower here in NJ but I did not attend. 

Now she just finished going through a divorce and has been pretty emotional.  We are both close with our old boss from that restaurant.  He is invited to my wedding with his fiance.  Well my other friend posts a status the other day thanking him for always being there for her bla bla bla.  Then says I can't wait to see you when I come up for Carly's wedding in July.  I was flabbergasted.  I did not send her a save the date and we never talk so why does she just assume that she is invited?  I feel like her and my old boss have made all of these plans for their daughters to meet and stuff when she comes up here.  I almost feel pressured into sending her an invite now but I am pretty pissed off that she thinks she is invited to my wedding.  I swear everyone thinks they are invited to our wedding.  We are already at a 240 guest list.  We have to guarantee 175.  I am hoping for 200 but we are prepared to pay for the 240.  I swear I just wish we did a destination with only immediate family and friends.
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Re: People who just assume they are invited to your wedding!

  • BmoreBride311BmoreBride311 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited January 2012
    Eek! That is frustrating. I have had a few ppl make comments that is clear they think they will be invited, but none where they are from out of town and planning to come is a big effort for them.

    I guess you should tell her as soon as possible that you're very sorry, but you can only invite a limited number of guests and it's limited to close family and friends. It will sting for her, but it's best to set it straight before she does move forward with travel plans.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like you didn't do anything misleading. Don't let the little things like this effect your feelings towards the wedding. Keep focused on making the day as enjoyable for you and your FI and try not to worry about every single person involved b/c you just can't please everyone.
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  • mekiakoomekiakoo member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    Is it possible she made plans to meet during the weekend of your wedding- not necessarily going to your wedding?

    I've had it happen to me and I was caught off guard. I work as a deaf mentor and I work with a family of 3 kids (all under the age of 5) and their parents. One day the mom all of sudden said that they were going to make sure that their daughter has an appointment on the same weekend as our wedding so they can all go to our wedding. They live 4 hours away from the wedding (their daughter sees a specialist in the city where we're getting married).

    I didn't know what to say because first of all, we aren't having kids at our wedding and they weren't invited. She was smiling so much and all excited while I sat there and stared at her dumbfounded. I then said "actually we aren't going to have kids at our wedding" and then told her about my FMIL planning a party back at her home after the wedding. She is friends with my FMIL and she got really excited that she'd be able to bring her kids to the party because according to my FMIL, "everybody is invited, including the entire town!!!!". My FMIL knows everybody and says she's friends with everybody.

    It was very awkward.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_people-just-assume-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5a196636-7377-4dd1-86c3-bfab3d082426Post:a19bffd7-f3cd-4bd7-a0c6-ddffe59f8cc5">Re: People who just assume they are invited to your wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is<strong> it possible they made plans to meet during the weekend of your wedding- not necessarily going to your wedding?</strong> I've had it happen to me and I was caught off guard. I work as a deaf mentor and I work with a family of 3 kids (all under the age of 5) and their parents. One day the mom all of sudden said that they were going to make sure that their daughter has an appointment on the same weekend as our wedding so they can all go to our wedding. They live 4 hours away from the wedding (their daughter sees a specialist in the city where we're getting married). I didn't know what to say because first of all, we aren't having kids at our wedding and they weren't invited. She was smiling so much and all excited while I sat there and stared at her dumbfounded. I then said "actually we aren't going to have kids at our wedding" and then told her about my FMIL planning a party back at her home after the wedding. She is friends with my FMIL and she got really excited that she'd be able to bring her kids to the party because according to my FMIL, "everybody is invited, including the entire town!!!!". My FMIL knows everybody and says she's friends with everybody. It was very awkward.
    Posted by mekiakoo[/QUOTE]

    Lol nope her status was can't wait to come up North for carlys wedding in July and to see Joe.
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  • lady - i am in the EXACT same position as you! we have guaranteed 180 at our reception site and our guest list went up to 260, and we bumped it down to about 245.  we are also hoping for about 200 to actually make it (if not a few less)!!

    as far as people assuming they are invited to your wedding - it really blows my mind that anyone who is not close family or a very close friend who you talk to and see on a regular basis would make assumptions like that.  i haven't had that happen to me at all yet (other than with very close friends who OBVIOUSLY are invited and want to chat about wedding details!)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_people-just-assume-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5a196636-7377-4dd1-86c3-bfab3d082426Post:2f03fe8e-457c-4739-830c-858b9b25bebe">Re: People who just assume they are invited to your wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]lady - i am in the EXACT same position as you! we have guaranteed 180 at our reception site and our guest list went up to 260, and we bumped it down to about 245.  we are also hoping for about 200 to actually make it (if not a few less)!! as far as people assuming they are invited to your wedding - it really blows my mind that anyone who is not close family or a very close friend who you talk to and see on a regular basis would make assumptions like that.  i haven't had that happen to me at all yet (other than with very close friends who OBVIOUSLY are invited and want to chat about wedding details!)
    Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

    yeah it stinks I really try not to even post anything on facebook anymore about the wedding.
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  • Ah. That's awkward. If I had room, I'd probably just invite her to avoid to the whole "oh, sorry, you weren't going to be invited thing".
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  • I had that happen with a girl I used to be friends with when I lived in FL. We hadn't seen each other in about 3 years or so and never talked, but were still facebook friends. Then she comes on and starts randomly talking to me about my wedding and says something to the effect of "I can't wait to see you as a beautiful bride." And in my head I'm thinking... Ummm... I don't even really consider us friends any more, why would I invite you. Then my parents have these family friends that I barely know, but they're always invited to family functions and I wasn't going to invite them and then their daughter said something on a post about my wedding and being excited to see me and again I'm like What? But then I spoke with my mom and she's like you have to invite them. Luckily my parents are paying for the reception, but just with people I "need" to invite according to my mom the guest list went from 176 to 206. It's completely crazy!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Untitled
    image 218 Invited image 130 Are ready to party!! image 79 Are missing out. :(image 10 Are making me wait. :(
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_people-just-assume-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5a196636-7377-4dd1-86c3-bfab3d082426Post:bbf802aa-d888-47bd-97d4-848a426638a9">Re: People who just assume they are invited to your wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ah. That's awkward. If I had room, I'd probably just invite her to avoid to the whole "oh, sorry, you weren't going to be invited thing".
    Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

    <div>lol I've invited two people because I couldn't tell them no. </div>
  • Just to keep the peace go ahead and send her an invite, most likely someone on your guest list is going to respond no and she will be able to have their spot.  I know its frustrating but its better than having a bunch of drama on your big day.
  • Ugh I had some girl come up to me and say I better be a bridesmaid one day at a party! Seriously?! I'm not even close enough to her that she is on our maybe list at the moment for invitations... some people just don't know boundaries or anything!

    Anniversary
  • Yeah I think it is just easier to invite her then not to invite her.
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