Gaining a husband..loosing a friend

jgonder

I had asked one friend to be my maid of honor, best friend from college.
MY best friend has now told me-after a few times talking about the wedding-that I am asking her to do and pay too much for a wedding that is not hers. She will not attend and wanted to be renounced of her moh title.
Here's the low down on the wedding: we live outside of houston-I'm going to have barely 16 people to Colorado for a weekend wedding.
We are paying for the accomadtions for fri-sun. They are responsible for the flight to/from and car rental. (the flight is about 100-150 one way and most of us were going to to fit in one suv that I was paying for). My fiancee and I were paying for an activity the day before the wedding and all food during the weekend as well.

As for the moh duties-I did not ask her for parties and if she had wanteed help I would've chipped in-which she knew. I told her to where her boots(I have bought new wedding boots to where with my gown) with whatever dress she wanted. I did want purple but didn't care on shade or where it came from.
I had asked her for help on putting together my bouquet, as I am ordering bulk wildflowers.
I am paying for her hair and makeup the day of which she was aware.

We are requesting no one brings plus ones, expect my brother in law and sis in law(because they are married). There is simply not enough rooms at the B&B to house all the family and friends if bf&gf attend.

Can someone please tell me as to how I became a 'bridezilla' ?!?!
(se told me I became one btw)
She was even late to the appointment on the day I bought my wedding dress..and I didn't say a thing. I really don't understand wha I did that was so wrong to her.
Insight please..I've lost a dear friend and helping to know why would maybe mak it easier on me.

ReturnOfKuus

I have a feeling that we're getting barely half of the story.

hmonkey

it doesn't matter if we think you are being a bridezilla; it matters that she thinks you are asking too much. 

baconsmom

Maybe she's upset you've kept her in bondage all this time. 

jgonder

I didn;t want to rattle..but honest I don;t know what has happened. She refuses to speak to me now and says I'm a horrible friend and it's my fault because I chose colorado so clearly money is no object for me. I'm a student um..yeah it is. Money is y the guest list is so strict and y I cannot afford a second hotel.
She freaked out when I told her the no plus one rule applied to her too- not just the grooms men. She a bf shes been dating for 3months that she lives with.

jgonder

baconsmom- bondage?? I don't understand.

*Barbie*

if she can't afford to travel, buy a dress, etc. then she was right to step down as MOH.

$200-300 for flights + $100 dress + $100-$200 extras (meals, travel supplies, bag fees, pet boarding, etc.) + gift(s)

it adds up pretty quickly.

jgonder

I know it's not a walk in park money wise, but ughhh it just psses me off. Why did sh say yes in the first place??
IT's not like I have anyone else I want to ask or anything but it's like a slap in the face to me. I think it hurts my pride a bit because I know how much she spent on her brother's wedding but sh doesn;t think our friendship worth anything.

LnR70707

You chose to have a destination wedding...it is well within anyone's right to choose not to attend and you can't complain about that.

KellyBrian2013

And the "no plus one" thing is a little ridiculous ettiquette-wise, as well, especially considering she is LIVING WITH her boyfriend, regardless of how long they've been together...

I, too, am guessing we're only getting part of the story.

And also, as a college student, I would find $100-$150 "one way" (ie: double it for roundtrip, minimum) pretty hard to come up with, even for my best friend's wedding...

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_gaining-husbandloosing-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:74a89bee-accd-4400-9606-c4c51371bdf4Post:cb8568e2-fcb2-4cab-966d-6b756fc7a80d">Re: Gaining a husband..loosing a friend</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it's not a walk in park money wise, but ughhh it just psses me off. Why did sh say yes in the first place?? IT's not like I have anyone else I want to ask or anything but it's like a slap in the face to me. <strong>I think it hurts my pride a bit because I know how much she spent on her brother's wedding but sh doesn;t think our friendship worth anything.
</strong>Posted by jgonder[/QUOTE]

you don't get to dictate how anyone spends their money

Bridezilla 1 --- OP 0

ReturnOfKuus

Okay, so we WERE only getting half of the story.

1.  A live-in love or a spouse isn't a +1 - it's half of a social unit.  You can't invite only half of a social unit, or rather, you CAN, but it makes you a huge assh*le.

2.  I have always thought that destination weddings were a d*ck move.  It's telling people how to spend a large chunk of money, and time (I can see that people are going to have to use at least one vacation day for this, of which most people only get ten a year), and comes with it an implicit demand that they comply because it's your day.  Basically it's valuing scenery over people, and it sucks. 

jgonder

we chose a destinaion wedding because we wanted a small wedding not a 300 person obscene affair where you invite people who are yor 3rd cousins that you met once as a three yr old and then ask for a gift. And fri-sun is up to them- the wedding is sun so they didn;t hve to take off friday and could leave after work on friday. We didn't pick the destination to be azzes but to try nd get out family together because they never slow down to even have a real meal-except holidays. It was discussed with them before we booked. I had tried to do things right.

I didn't ask for her to buy a 100 dress or new anything-and as was said I can;t tell her how to spend her money. So why is my fault she felt she had to?

MinM

You asked to her to do certain things and pay money for a plane ticket and lodging. She felt like the time commitment and money were too much to pay for a wedding that is not hers. She felt like she had to do these things because you told her that you would need her there for X amount of time and to pay for the plane ticket and loding which cost Y amount of dollars. Even if you ONLY expected her there one day, that is still time and money of hers, of which she can dictate how she wants to spend it.

ReturnOfKuus

You know, it IS possible to have a small wedding without terribly inconveniencing the people you do invite.  If you don't want 300 people there, then don't invite 300 people.  It's that simple.

jgonder

I guess the fligt and time is just too much. Just fyi- my fiancee and I are paying for lodging and meals.

I'll have to let it go. I've got 10months to resolve to the fact that my mom and brother will be there for me and that if I can marrymy man I guess that is what really matters....even if some people think I'm a red headed b*tch

MinM

Well then, there you have it. It was too much time and money for her to spend, despite what you were willing to chip in. That is her decision to make, just as it was your decision to have a destination wedding.

Hopefully, after some time has passed, you can reconnect with your friend. But you truly need to let this go before you try talking to her again.

KellyBrian2013

I never realized that not inviting a bunch of people correlates directly to how far away you move your wedding... I mean, I understand where you'd have less attending BECAUSE you move your wedding further away, but never knew that you move it away so that you are forced to invite less. Hmm... interesting..

I always thought you invited the number of people you wanted to invite within your budget and venue constraints. Guess I've been doing it wrong.

Also, OP, yes you are a bridezilla. Your best friend not being able to commit financially/time-wise for your destination wedding does NOT mean you are "losing" a friend. The way you are acting and attempting to play the victim for your friend making a presumably responsible (for her) decision is why you are losing a friend. Take a step back, forget about the wedding for a minute, and ask yourself if you're being a truly good and understanding friend.