It's Mother's/Birthday week around my family...this week is the birthday for all 3 kids, for gramma, for great-gramma and it's mother's day. It's basically one party and all the womenfolk get stuff and are pampered.
And for unrelated reasons, because of when the season is and our schedules, it's also the time of year when the 'kids? no kids? try for kids? fertility?" crap happens--in part becaues my job slows down enough for me to get to the damn OB's office and in part because the Mr's jobs end up most stable right about now.
And...what a difference a year can make.
Last year, at this time?
I was in a parking lot, in AnnArbor, crying.
Because I was mostly dealing w/ the very recent infertility crap [the diagnoisis was recent and raw]...but I had just finished w/ the migraine docs (the ones who are now fired) who let me know in no uncertain terms that they basically wouldn't help me if I didn't quit TTC--they couldn't 'GET' that I was OK w/ being in pain/off meds for 9 months of being PG but NOT for the 3 years of trying it might take to get there.
and, more than that, because the day before my gramma had died. This wasn't anyone, this was my dad's mom--she was one of the most icredible, impressive people I have ever had the priveldge of knowing. I lived w/ her over breaks, she made me strawberry shortcake 3x a week for 2 summers. She told me the tales of when the hippies took over the jail when she was working there and when she got shot at as the secretary of a judge. She's someone I want to emulate and who had been a shell of herself (dementia) for several years--she barely made it to my wedding (she didn't recognize it was my wedding, but she knew it was "a" wedding and the she was there) and I wanted her to know her great-grandchildren--which, realistically, wouldn't have happened regardless but the fact that it now couldn't killed me.
So I spent mother's day last year, picking up my baby sis from the airport and then the sisters and I writing what we were going to say at the funeral. All while tryig desperately to ignore things mother's day related because it hurt to much.
And 'celebrating' our birthdays (I managed NOT to give my sisters cards at the funeral, that would have been a bit much).
This year, I've got a helluva lot to be grateful for. (and we're doing the birthdays/mothers day TONIGHT at my parent's house , hence it being on my mind. Damnit, I didn't get Bigsis a card. Need to do that on my way home tonight).
(and I've gotta get to the cemetary on Friday afternoon which is still bittersweet but...I'm glad for it.)
I'm just...blessed.