Wedding Woes

Dark Prudie

I forgot my disclaimer!  **this is not my life...It's being posted for discussion purposes only**

Dear Prudence,
My brother, who is in his late 40s, was recently arrested and charged with sexual abuse of a child when she was 9 years old. This girl is now16 years old and says she didn’t remember the abuse until recently. This charge came after she and my brother’s daughter, who were friends, had a huge fight and severed their relationship. In addition, my brother had something to do with the accuser’s brother getting into legal trouble. My brother has denied the charge and passed a lie-detector test. My brother, who is one year younger than I am, has asked me to speak to his lawyer and be a character reference for him. Here’s the problem: When we were growing up, my brother used to sneak into my room at night to touch me, and this is what he is accused of doing to this girl. It seems like a bit of a stretch to think this is a coincidence, but he has passed a lie-detector test. I don't know if something that happened more than 30 years ago is relevant. Our parents were abusive and distant, and I felt that he did what he did, and I didn't do enough to stop him, because we were so starved for love and attention. This situation has brought up a lot of old feelings, guilt, confusion, etc. I don't know if I should be honest with his lawyer. It is also complicated by the fact that child protective services have taken his children out of the house, and the court case will affect whether he is allowed to have contact with them. It would destroy any relationship with my brother and probably with my entire family if I said anything about our childhoods. What should I do?

—Ripped Up

Re: Dark Prudie

  • i would be honest with the lawyer and cut ALL ties with this brother. i mean, wtf really are people thinking. this is not a "forgive and forget" issue.

    SHE is worried about being the one to ruin the relationship? and she's also sad that CPS took his children from his home? is she insane?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_dark-prudie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7b0466f5-b04e-4736-9a0d-479503567118Post:e968cfe6-28c1-4a60-abbb-6aff957eb0ec">Re: Dark Prudie</a>:
    [QUOTE]i would be honest with the lawyer and cut ALL ties with this brother. i mean, wtf really are people thinking. this is not a "forgive and forget" issue. SHE is worried about being the one to ruin the relationship? and she's also sad that CPS took his children from his home? is she insane?
    Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

    This.  Appalled that this is even a "nuanced" question to begin with.  Although I'm guessing there's a heavy heap of the same sort of manipulations currently going on that had all these kids keeping their mouths shut. 

    Or maybe the writer just needs a cheerleader
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  • It's famiy Wz, you know well enough that people justify crazy behavior when it comes from family.
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