Deleted Post

ncoll049

Deleted Post

*Barbie*

his mom has a dress. it's blue. just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. fMIL is an adult and capable of dressing herself. did you include a note on your invites telling your guests not to wear blue or orange?

this whole rant was full of stupidity. stop including his family if you don't want to deal with them - or stop getting involved and let your FI manage his family. nothing that you mentioned is terribly outrageous.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fis-family-really-long-before-wedding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7bd22aa9-9ef6-411d-ad5c-4a66cf625cc9Post:bfb93167-b43a-4572-aaff-4d40f508a527">FI's Family- Really long before the wedding vent</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's whole family makes me want to scream!! It all started when we got engaged back in '09.  As soon as we made the phone call telling his mom we were engaged, the first thing out of her mouth was "Congratulations, so when's the date?"  We had been engaged for approxiamtely 5 minutes.    When we got home from our trip (we were in Disney World), we had pretty much set a date.  We did a lot of talking on the drive and hashed out quite a few things, including the date.  We shared our top three with parents as soon as we got home.  No comments were made at this point.  We did some more research and decided on August 19th, 2011, since it would be our 6th dating anniversary, it's a Friday so it's a little less expensive (we're paying for everything) and, being a teacher, the summer is much more convienent for my work schedule.  The first thing out of his mom's mouth when we told her, "That wasn't my first choice". Before we asked anyone, he's mom asked us who we were going to have in the bridal party.  He decided that he wanted his 3 brothers standing for him and I wanted my one brother over there as well.  Because I had my brother, he got one person on my side, he picked his oldest sister.  Fine.  I have one sister and I was planning on asking a good friend from high school (who I'm still friends with), but we weren't sure about the final girl as we had a couple of options.  His mom got all offended and said "Well I thought you would have (Oldest Sister ), ( Older Sister ), ( Sister-in-law ) and ( My Sister )."  Problem is, his older sister has stated more than once that she thinks weddings are ridiculous.  She also cries poor, but collects welfare and doesn't work.  As for his sister-in-law, she hasn't had a kind word to say to me since I help them with their wedding in '07.  Needless to say, He got the 4 guys and I picked my friend from high school, my sister and he picked his sister. Next came guest list trouble.  We hadn't picked a venue yet so we told both mom's to come up with a tentative guest list so we could get an estimate on the size of the location we would need.  We figured that each set of parents would have about 50 people.  Nope, his mom went over 70.  We told her point blank, we're paying for the wedding and we won't be able to afford it if your guest list is that big, you're going to need to cut it down a bit.  She flat out refused and then proceeded to complain about the fact that it's not the responsibility of the bride and groom to pay for the wedding, it should be the bride's parents, etc.  (Side note: His parents paid for their wedding back in 1980, when the bride's parents paying thing was actually the norm).  Needless to say, we told both sets of parents that we will only be paying for 100 guests (35 for each set of parents and 30 for ourselves), anything beyond that is their responsibility.  Of course, she scoffed at that too, stating that she shouldn't have to pay for anything since she's the MOG.  Even better, when we found a place that was truly affordable and wouldn't totally break our bank, she complained that it was too far away for her and her family and tried to convince us to have it in her backyard (her unmaincured, butts up to huge retention wires backyard).  The venue is approximately 45 minutes from her house and approxiamtely 20 minutes from mine.    Continuing down the line; We still didn't have a 4th bridesmaid.  I thought about asking my cousin, but that soon backfired.  We were then only left with one justifiable option; his older sister.  I really can't stand her, but she was the only sibling not included in the bridal party, so we went with it for the sake of family politics.  Well, when we asked her, her response was "I'll have to get back to you since it took you so long after everyone else to ask me."  Now, I get that she was hurt, but she could have said it in a way that was less... rude?  She said yes, unfortunately.  She has since whined and complained about everything from having to purchase the dress 6 months in advance ("You know... I'm going to loss a lot more weight before the wedding and it's going to be expensive to get this taken in..") to being asked to help with the bridal shower ("Let's serve hot dogs and play that game...").  Neither of his sisters contributed to the shower.  They arrived late and left early and I got stuck helping clean up (not that I mind that, but it's frustrating that they didn't stay to help). Back to his mother; As the MOG she planned on taking care of the rehearsal dinner, but because she was unfamiliar with the area, enlisted our help.  FI and I researched a bunch of restaurants in the area, gave her a few optioins, but told her that  this one is the best value for your money.  Great, she went with that restaurant.  FI and her sat down and discussed the menu and she called a week later.  Well, the next time I was at their house, she showed us the menu and she had gotten everything the opposite of what her and FI had discussed.  Some of it we dealt with, but since I'm a picky eater, the menu she had created had nothing I liked to eat, at my own rehearsal dinner.  FI said something to her since he had actually be looking forward to one of the entrees that they had discussed and she then decided not to get.  Her response, "Well, I picked it because it's MY favorite, but I wasn't planning on ordering it anyway, so I guess I can change it."  We had one menu request, because we're both picky eaters and she made it sound like we were majorly putting her out because of it!!! His brothers, just like his older sister, are trash.  When his mom made the guest list, she didn't allow for any one to have guests, so we told her that they wouldn't get them since there wouldn't be room (or money).  FI talked to two of his brother (the third brother is married and obviously is bringing his wife).  He asked them that, since they don't currently have any significant others, if it would be okay if we took away their +1.  Both brothers agreed.  Well about 5 months before the wedding, both brothers came up to FI and asked if they could bring a guest, he told them that he would have to get back to them.  What they didn't tell him at the time is that they were asking him AFTER they had already asked girls to come with them.  FI was not a happy camper, told his mom about the situation and then told his brothers that they would have to uninvite the girls that they didn't have permission to invite to begin with.  Younger brother was fine with it and stated that he only invited his date because older brothers date and her were friends.  Older brother on the other hand told FI that it was ridiculous that he would have to uninvite his guest and that it's not fair.  FI is only asking him so that he can have more room for his friends.  DARN STRAIGHT!!!  It's his wedding, he should be allowed to invite whatever friends he wants!!  And to be honest, he and I both friends from our list because of money.   Now, we're 25 days until the wedding, and his mom still doesn't have a dress.  We asked her to wear a short dress since my mom and all of the bridesmaids have a short dress.  We also asked her to avoid blue and orange since their our wedding colors.  Well, guess who bought a blue dress!!  I don't know what to do about his family!!!  I'm so done with this wedding!!! Thank you for letting me vent.  How would you deal with it all?      
Posted by ncoll049[/QUOTE]

You brought a lot of this on yourself.

hmonkey

actually, she brought ALL of this on herself.

and way to characterize your inlaws as "trash!"  your fiance is a lucky, lucky man.

LizziebeeUT

One some things it looks like you're looking for reasons to be upset. Like her asking when the date is. That's just a normal reaction to engagements, there's not much to say at that point other than congrats and when's the date.

Also, why did you give her free range to invite people? Its not her wedding, if there were people she wanted to invite, she should just get you the addresses and leave it at that, you can invite them or not. Guests lists can fly well above 100 guests with just two people planning, let alone four.

Its very ude to tell people they can't bring a plus one. Espcially if you are going to be picking and choosing. The brother who was maried gets a plus one, but what if someone else has been dating someone for a couple years? What's the cut off point? It can be very awkward to go to these types of things alone, and no one should have to. Its on you for giving your parents permission to create their own guest list.

I understand your anger at her for doing things that are opposite from what you want, but 1.) You may be letting emotions cloud your vision, you may think its happening one way, but its a misunderstanding. 2.) you need to understand that when you allow someone control over something, they are going to do it their way. period. If you don't like that, you shouldn't let them have control.

As for the clothes issue, its really not your place to tell anyone what to wear unless they are in the bridal party. If she blends into the table cloths, that's her problem.

Queen Jane

Andplusalso, your FSIL has every right to respond the way she did, since it is incredibly rude to ask her much later than everyone else, and only to have a "spot-filler". You don't need even sides.

whitneywoolf

I disagree with what every one else is saying completely because unfortunately I have been through some of the same situations. Unfortunately my family is the crazy ones. I feel like it is an honor to ask some one to be in your wedding party no matter when you ask them...I have known all along who I was going to ask but have asked them several months apart. Were are only allowed 200 guests so me and FI each get one hundred and we have both agreed that unless you are in a serious relationship or married you don't get to bring Sally streetwalker to our wedding since we are already cutting out many people who we would love to be there. I wouldn't worry about the dress though I know its really annoying that she went against your wishes but there is not a whole lot you can do about it now and with everything else being said I think it should be the least of your worries.

runningjo916

why does it seem like almost everyone who posts replys on the knot is unsupportive and negative and love to bash other people? Geeze!  Have a little bit of sensitivity.

erollis

A lot of people run into issues during wedding planning. It does not matter if you brought the problems on yourself or not. It happened and it is understandable to be a bit peeved. Try to move on and don't try and start any more issues. Let FMIL wear blue. It won't be the end of the world. Not everything has to be perfect.

Queen Jane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fis-family-really-long-before-wedding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7bd22aa9-9ef6-411d-ad5c-4a66cf625cc9Post:4e4ffe7d-fbb2-4c8a-b512-91942c4b6998">Re: FI's Family- Really long before the wedding vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with what every one else is saying completely because unfortunately I have been through some of the same situations. <strong>Unfortunately my family is the crazy ones.</strong> <u>I feel like it is an honor to ask some one to be in your wedding party no matter when you ask them...I have known all along who I was going to ask but have asked them several months apart. </u>Were are only allowed 200 guests so me and FI each get one hundred and <em>we have both agreed that unless you are in a serious relationship or married you don't get to bring Sally streetwalker to our wedding</em> since we are already cutting out many people who we would love to be there. I wouldn't worry about the dress though I know its really annoying that she went against your wishes but there is not a whole lot you can do about it now and with everything else being said I think it should be the least of your worries.
Posted by whitneywoolf[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><strong>Maybe there is a common denominator. Just sayin.</strong></div><div><strong>
</strong></div><div><u>And they probably feel hurt you asked them so far apart. It's rude.</u></div><div><u>
</u></div><div><em>And who gets to be the judge of how serious another couple's relationship is? If they have an SO, they should be invited together. It's also not nice to call your friends and family's SOs prostitutes. They probably won't want to come to your wedding if that is your attitude about it.</em></div><div><u>
</u></div><div><u>
</u></div><div><u>
</u></div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fis-family-really-long-before-wedding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7bd22aa9-9ef6-411d-ad5c-4a66cf625cc9Post:ead29100-e1cd-4f5f-94cd-f27f17e906a6">Re: FI's Family- Really long before the wedding vent</a>:
[QUOTE]why does it seem like almost everyone who posts replys on the knot is unsupportive and negative and love to bash other people? Geeze!  Have a little bit of sensitivity.
Posted by runningjo916[/QUOTE]

On the one hand, all of us understand the stress and complications that come with weddings, marriage, and families. But on the other, sometimes people just need to be told to slow down, take a deep breath, and chill out a little bit. I think in a lot of OP's points, all that is needed is a level headed conversation with some family members.

You are right though, there are quite a few people who only seem to respond in rude, sarcastic posts, with no real insight into the situation.

whitneywoolf

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fis-family-really-long-before-wedding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7bd22aa9-9ef6-411d-ad5c-4a66cf625cc9Post:af90e9ab-60d9-47ea-a21b-ca56b92eb4bb">Re: FI's Family- Really long before the wedding vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI's Family- Really long before the wedding vent : Maybe there is a common denominator. Just sayin. And they probably feel hurt you asked them so far apart. It's rude. And who gets to be the judge of how serious another couple's relationship is? If they have an SO, they should be invited together. It's also not nice to call your friends and family's SOs prostitutes. They probably won't want to come to your wedding if that is your attitude about it.
Posted by Queen Jane[/QUOTE]

Im prertty sure that "common denominator" you refer to is present in alot of families so if you are lulcky enough to have a "perfect" family more power to YOU!

I am also absolutely positive that no ones feelings are being hurt in the process of me asking people to be in my wedding I can not have 15 bridesmiads so Im sure that the ones I have asked are honored and appreciate that I have found special ways to ask each of them.

I did not refer to anyone as a prostitute only as random person that one of our lovely friends probably picked up the ninght before at the bar...so I feel more than comfertable telling friendsd that someone who they probably only kow their first name is not welcome!