Siblings you have never met...

LizziebeeUT

When I was 14 my mom told us that she had slept with a guy in her apartment complex and gotten pregnant about 7 years before she had my brother and me.
She gave that child up for adoption.

A few years ago she showed me the girl's Facebook page (don't ask why my mom found it, I have no clue) and I found out she lives in Vegas, about an hour and a half drive from here.

I've always been curious about this girl. I would really like to meet her, but I guess I kind of feel like its her choice whether she wants to find anyone. But at the same time, she doesn't even know I exist, so maybe it would be different if she did...

One reason, not about myself, is my mom got breast cancer, and I would like to let her know that. I could always contact her dad and tell him I'm interested in talking to her. Then just leave it at that and hope for the best.

What do you guys think?

MinM

Was this an open adoption? There are rules about this type of thing. It might not be up to you.

LizziebeeUT

I assume so, because she knows who they are. I think she kept in touch with them at the beginning.

I know there are rules about the adoption agency giving out names and such, but if you already know who someone is, I don't think there's anything they can do about it.

TheDuckis

Maybe you could try contacting the agency that handled the adoption to get some information.

My mom's cousin gave twins up for adoption over 30 years ago. I think the arrangement was that the twins would be able to get her information if/when they wanted it, but she couldn't have their information. So about 2 years ago she had a dream that she met the twins, and decided to contact the agency just to make sure her information was up-to-date in case they tried to reach her. Turns out the agency didn't have her latest info, and the twins had been looking for her for years. They reuinited a couple months later.

Anyway, going through the agency might be a good neutral way to try to set something up, rather than blindsiding this chick via facebook.

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_siblings-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:81a3513b-91be-459e-bc98-6caeddd0457aPost:ae6686d5-7050-4116-8d40-c6b91fa505e4">Re: Siblings you have never met...</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe you could try contacting the agency that handled the adoption to get some information. My mom's cousin gave twins up for adoption over 30 years ago. I think the arrangement was that the twins would be able to get her information if/when they wanted it, but she couldn't have their information. So about 2 years ago she had a dream that she met the twins, and decided to contact the agency just to make sure her information was up-to-date in case they tried to reach her. Turns out the agency didn't have her latest info, and the twins had been looking for her for years. They reuinited a couple months later. Anyway, going through the agency might be a good neutral way to try to set something up, rather than blindsiding this chick via facebook.
Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

thanks, I may just do that. I would really like to meet her, but yeah I have no interest in just popping out of nowhere and saying "surprise! You have a half sister!"
I doubt it, but its an entirely real possibility she doesn't even know she was adopted.

I do just want to wait and let her make the contact, but I doubt she even knows I exist. If she had my information and chose not to get in touch with me, I would completely understand, and would move on.

and just btw, she's not a minor, I think she's 26-28 years old.

MinM

How can this....

I assume so, because she knows who they are. I think she kept in touch with them at the beginning.

and this....

I doubt it, but its an entirely real possibility she doesn't even know she was adopted.

Both be true? You are operating with a lot of assumptions. Maybe you should talk to your mom, not us, about this.

LizziebeeUT

well assuming she followed the normal path of human development, she would've been a baby at the beginning.

like I said, I very much doubt it, but they don't have to tell her she's adopted. I was just saying that I really don't have a desire to jump into her life and change everything for her.

I'm not askig you guys to solve it for me, or tell me how to get in touch with her. I'm asking for opinons. What would you do in this situation.

edit: by "she knows who they are" I was talking about my mom.