Wedding Woes

spoke with sis - long

I asked what was going on and she said, "Pancreatic Cancer!" all exasperated. I know she is dealing with a lot, so I am trying to be patient with her. She always acts exasperated with me.

The first doctor said once you have pancreatic cancer, you always have it. It never goes away and you just basically keep fighting it. He gave mom 6 months to 3 years, 5 years max.

She'll start chemo right away, with the hopes of shrinking the tumor. The tumor is pressing on some "blood thing" (my sisters words exactly), so they are primarily concerned with the getting the pressure off of that. My mom has decided she isn't ever going back to work; she'll be on permanent disability from now on.

It doesn't appear to have spread as far as they can tell. She'll get a petscan to double check this. Pancreatic cancer is one that spreads easily and aggressivley. It is a mean motherfvcker.

Her onconolgist was much more hopeful. She told my mom that they are going to fight it and beat it. If the tumor shrinks enough to be operated on, the oncologist said there are only two doctors she would recommend to do that. These docs are at Cedar-Sidenai or USC. (not where my mom is now). But from what I've read, doc 1 was pretty much right.

If the tumor doesn't respond, she'll start radiation.

My mom has spoken to my youngest sister. This sis wanted to fly out this morning, but she has finals next week and would just have to turn back around for that. After finals, she'll come home for the summer. I don't know if mom is going to go to littlest sisters graduation as planned.

Other sis told me not to ask my mom a lot of questions. The plan is what it is. I told her I understand this...Seriously, I really don't need to be told how to act or how to be. <- recurring issue with us.

I called mom, no answer. I asked my sister to ask my mom if she had spoken to me when she gets to the hospital this morning, and if not, to plase ask my mom to call me. I guess mom had been asking for a lot of pain meds. This is out of character for her. If her liver functioning is normal (or better) they will release her today. Sister is encouraging mom to stay in the hospital, so she can keep getting the good pain meds.

Her brother has been visiting her, but they have not told grandpa what is going on. I guess they told him she was going in for gall stones. They will tell him today. All of this makes me thing there is more to this story than what I am being told. I guess that doesn't matter, but it is slightly upsetting.

I'm going to ask when mom wants me to come home. It's going to be a long haul, so she may not want me there right away. Sister said she is pretty much numb right now, which makes sense. I go between dumb and crying. Mom said yesterday, finding out was the hardest part. We just deal with it now.
 
The two cws I told/broke down in front of pretty much closed ranks and said they would cover my work for the next two days and my appearance at an upcoming conference, if neccessary.

I'm really thinking of youngest sister. She is only 21. My mom is the only parent she has ever had (not that my years with out father were something to envy).

My mom does have a will in order. She did that about a year ago.

I just can't believe this.

Thanks for being here for me guys. I'm sorry if this was incoherent....my mind's not right...I can't stop shaking.
image

Re: spoke with sis - long

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    {{{beating the cancer vibes}}}
    image
  • thatgrrrrlthatgrrrrl member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All I can offer is a shoulder, ear, and a hug. Please let me know if you need anything. I do understand what you're going through.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Min, what terrible thing for you all to go through.  Is there anyone besides your mom and sister going to these doc appts?  It might be worth asking sis to take notes and have her send those notes to you and little sis.  That way you are all getting the same info.  Plus, she won't have to speak these words, but she can e-mail them.  It can take some of the tone of voice and frustration out. 

    For your littel sis she may want to let her professors know what is going on.  With finals coming up she could use any compassion they may offer.

    Continued prayers and hugs.

  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry.

    On a practical note, next time you talk to your mom or sister, can you ask them to talk to the doctors about giving you permission to ask questions about your mom's condition? I don't know if the doctors would talk to you over the phone, but they certainly wouldn't talk to you clearing it with her first and it's worth a shot so you can hear things more directly.
  • +candi++candi+ member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Min, I am so sorry about all of this.

    Vibes, prayer and hugs for all.
    imageimage
  • edited December 2011
    I don't have words to make this situation any better, but I have lots of hugs, healing vibes and prayers for you.  <3
    image
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You've got so many good wishes toward your family coming.
    BUt Ikow, that doesn't reallyhelp
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    my dear minm, i hope your mother and her doctors give that cancer a big boot to the clam.  we are here for you.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto Sis.  Maybe your mom can sign a power of attorney for health care giving you permission to speak with her doctors. 

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I'll definitely be praying for you and your family. 
  • edited December 2011
    I think we all wish we could say something that would help, but we are all here for you.
    image
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Min...I'm so terribly sorry.   We're here if you need anything at all.

    I'm glad you have supportive co-workers and your DH there for you. 

    ::sending many e-hugs::
  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Min, there are no words that will give you any comfort at this very moment, but know that we are all here for you.  ::vibes and hugs::
    image
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_spoke-sis-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:843e465d-af1c-42ab-8253-37357d6166f1Post:574f6773-ff24-4ef3-9ec0-a749abb4729d">Re: spoke with sis - long</a>:
    [QUOTE] Maybe your mom can sign a power of attorney for health care giving you permission to speak with her doctors.  Posted by mscalibride[/QUOTE]

    Most hospitals have a simple form you can fill out saying who has access to your medical info.  You don't need any lawyer form or a formal power of attorney.
  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    ::never ending hugs:::
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011

    There is a form, it's with the HIPPA stuff, where you can designate the persons and entities with whom you can share PHI. I'll ask my mom about it.

    Mom is being released as we speak. I called her phone twice, sister said it was dead. I asked sis to have mom call me when she gets home. I hate that I am the only one who hasn't spoken to her.

    When I do speak with her, I'll see if/when she wants me to come.

    Six months is her b-day. She wanted to spend last year together for her bday and we didn't and I hate myself.

    H is going to skip his office hours to come home to be with me.

    Man, first I find out I can't add to my family and the existing members are being picked off. I am sofucking mad and sad right now.

    image
  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's bad enough you have to go through this, but it's even more frustrating that you aren't getting the info from her doctors relayed in the best way.  I know how this feels; it makes you feel helpless and confused.

    I'm so sorry.  I agree with the others who suggest contacting her doctors to find out what you need to do to get that information directly.
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Min, don't beat yourself up.  You are there for her now and she knows you love her.  I hope your conversation goes well.

    (Give the Mr. a little extra hug too.)
  • edited December 2011
    T&Ps to you and your family.  So sorry for what you are going through.

    Try not to dwell on past things that you have/haven't done with/for your mom.  Those things don't matter in the grand scheme - what matters is that you obviously love your mother and are supportive of her.

    From my often-lurking and occassionally-posting around here - you seem like a really funny and cool person - so even though your mind is on your Mom, don't forget to take extra good care of yourself, too.


    image
  • nannewmurnannewmur member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Min,

    T&P to you and your mom and the rest of the family.  Make sure your mom puts you on all HIPAA info and explain to her drs that you live away from her and what is the best way to communicate (email or phone.)  Sometimes a dr. will delegate a specific nurse to help a family member who does not live close by but wants to be involved with the treatment.

    When you do talk to the dr. ask what to expect.  Right now, I would make sure younger sister knows she can call you at any time for anything, whether it be to just talk or whatever.

    Take care!
  • Blizzlesgirl!Blizzlesgirl! member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I already replied on FB, but I also just want to say that it really is positive that they cannot detect any spread - especially, as you mentioned, when the disease tends to spread quickly. It's hard to focus on the positive at a time like this (believe me, I get it - my dad's cancer is also a fast spreader), but it's very important that you all DO. That doesn't mean forgetting or putting aside the "reality" of the situation, but attitude really and truly makes a huge difference in treating cancers. I'm sure your mom is devastated right now, but knowing her family is rallying around her will make a difference. Hang in there, hon, and I'm here if you need to talk/scream/whatever. ::hugs::
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards