DIY.... literally

hollykirsten

I'm sure this is the way it always goes but I'm starting to get really frustrated planning a wedding and doing it completely by myself.  I try to get my fiance involved but its really hard.  Basically he wants me to figure everything out with the guideline of do it as cheap as possible.  So I do and then I bring him what I come up with and he has to argue with me about it.  I've heard that the hardest part of marriage is the first year but I'm thinking it is surviving the wedding planning!  I have my amazing sister who is my maid of honor who just got married this last June and she has been wonderful with helping me out, but any idea she comes up with that I love my fiance doesn't want to do because my sister came up with the idea. He says he wants me to have my own wedding and she doesn't need to have a second one.  So basically ive been doing everything myself and now I'm realizing all the mistakes I'm making!  Ive messed up on our save the dates, RSVP cards, I misspelled our wedding website, it has just been one disaster after another and I'm ready to just say FORGET IT!  The only part of all this planning that has made me truly happy is my wedding dress.  But I haven't gotten it back since ive ordered it so I'm afraid to have to high of hopes since I'm messing everything up. 

Wzz

it's kind of jerky of him to expect you to pull together a cheap wedding with no help from him, but you need to read his mind on what he wants or ele he is going to argue with you about your ideas.

it doesn't always go this way. if he wants to have input, he should be honest with you and straightforward. not vague and argumentative. and oyu need to speak up and tell him not how you feel, but what you expect out of him during this planning.

NeedWeddingFavors

Any decision you make, I would show FI and tell him that unless he comes up with a better idea by (a date that makes sense), you will be going with the decision you made. He can't just say no to everything and then leave it up to you to find something else. If he doesn't like your decisions, he should propose a better one.

MiLadyK

Sit down with boy and ask questions. Ask him what is important to him about his wedding. And him why, not to argue with him but to understand what is important about the important parts. He may not know why he has some opinions, and may need some time to think about it. Ask him what parts he would like to take repsonsiblity for setting up. 

Things that are not okay:

"I don't care about any of it"  If this were true he wouldn't be vetoing things. He cares, he has opinions. You may need a shovel and a bottle of wine to get them out of him, but they are in there. 

"I don't want to do any of it, you just plan it."  This is *OUR* wedding, bucko. That means *WE* do it. We can each take parts of it, we can do it all together, we can do parts of it on our own and parts of it together... but both the bride and groom need to be doing things. 

"Have your own wedding" Step 1: Don't mention where you got an idea from. Step 2: Defend your inspirations. If you get an idea from your sister, I promise someone else has done it before. Hunt down the pictures from a couple of different takes on IdeaX and show him the gamut. 3: Explain why you think its perfect for the both of you. 

If all of that fails, my last ditch is to find three ways of doing whatever I'm attacking at the moment, all three of which I like, and show them to FI. If he loves one of the three, we do it. If he hates them all, that thing has just become his responsibility and I get to judge what he comes up with. 

(Not that I've learned this about a certain guest book project that is causing me fits. When guy said "Ugh, no I don't want people to sign a poster" what he meant was that he wanted something simple and artistic for people to sign and write notes on. I didn't figure that out for a week and a meltdown later.) 

HeathenSwan

If he's not helping, he shouldn't get veto power. He should come up with something better if he's go an issue with it. You're not marrying yourself, you shouldn't have to do everything yourself.

If you had help, things would go a bit smoother. Explain to him that the whole ting is stressing you out (as it does everyone) and ask him to please help you out. 

Sydney91

O wow. I havn't had this problem. I've been trying to get a word in! FI has it all planned pretty much, but he gave me rights to veto, if I come up with my own idea to replace my veto. It works for FI and I, maybe you could put a rule like this in place to help you?

teejay2039

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_diy-literally?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:89886202-a6b3-4318-bd01-4fbad7a48b4cPost:7ab5b376-fb6a-4603-bb16-b404d4571e11">Re: DIY.... literally</a>:
[QUOTE]<snip />Hunt down the pictures from a couple of different takes on IdeaX and show him the gamut. 3: Explain why you think its perfect for the both of you.  If all of that fails, my last ditch is to find three ways of doing whatever I'm attacking at the moment, all three of which I like, and show them to FI. If he loves one of the three, we do it. If he hates them all, that thing has just become his responsibility and I get to judge what he comes up with.  <snip>
Posted by MiLadyK[/QUOTE]

<div>I had to lol when I read this!  This is pretty much the strategy I'm using.... he's never planned a wedding or been involved in planning, but he wants a vote on *everything*..... problem is, he's not the type that can visualize anything in his head, he has to actually see a pic, or see the real thing.  I did a mock-up of our table setting and centerpieces last night, he said they looked great.... then I told him I was simply adding 5 small candles around the centerpiece, and possibly putting the whole thing on a mirror..... his response was "Uhh.... well, okay.... you know I'll have to *see* it tho".  :)</div>