Wedding Woes

Family doesn't seem supportive

When I envisioned telling my family about my engagement, I thought about how happy and excited everyone would be. I thought there might be a little apprehension, since getting married would move me all the way across the country, but I thought the general attitude would be happy. I never expected the first thing out of my grandmother's mouth to be "oh no!" My mom is happy, my youngest brother is happy, but everyone else seems... reserved. The feeling I get from other family members is resignation more than anything else. My dad was like "Well, as long as you're happy," which sounds ok, but the way it was said made me feel that I am the only one who actually is happy.I mean, is that normal? Maybe it's because I'm a girl and they think they're losing me or something? I thought they liked my fiance when they met him as my boyfriend. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm feeling pretty upset. Has anyone else experienced this?

Re: Family doesn't seem supportive

  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-doesnt-seem-supportive?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8a8b7eef-9977-4bf7-a237-b2ce77da49acPost:0ff5d4de-c07b-4873-92c3-fedd3a9fb16f">Family doesn't seem supportive</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I envisioned telling my family about my engagement, I thought about how happy and excited everyone would be. I thought there might be a little apprehension, since getting married would move me all the way across the country, but I thought the general attitude would be happy. I never expected the first thing out of my grandmother's mouth to be "oh no!" My mom is happy, my youngest brother is happy, but everyone else seems... reserved. The feeling I get from other family members is resignation more than anything else. My dad was like "Well, as long as you're happy," which sounds ok, but the way it was said made me feel that I am the only one who actually is happy.I mean, is that normal? Maybe it's because I'm a girl and they think they're losing me or something? I thought they liked my fiance when they met him as my boyfriend. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm feeling pretty upset. Has anyone else experienced this?
    Posted by eveletster[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't get it - are you marrying someone who lives across the country? I'd give my kid the side-eye, too, for not living with and establishing a life in the same city as her fiance before becoming engaged. </div><div>
    </div><div>Do your family know your fiance? Are you especially young or naive, that they may think you're not ready for marriage? Have you not completed your education, or are you giving up your education in favor of moving with your fiance?</div><div>
    </div><div>We need way more information before we can assess whether they're just reserved people, don't like your fi, or think you're making a mistake. </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    I have to wonder if there's more to the story, and perhaps a reason they aren't excited.


    BUT, no one HAS to be excited for you when you announce your engagement.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm thinking along Bmom's line.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I've found that few people are actually excited about things that have nothing to do with them.  Someone else getting engaged falls into that category.  It sucks if you are the kind of person who is genuinely excited for others, but it is what it is.
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  • edited December 2011
    my mom hung up on me when I told her. Then she called me back
  • edited December 2011
    "We need way more information before we can assess whether they're just reserved people, don't like your fi, or think you're making a mistake."
    Good point. Here are the details. I am almost 26, have just completed my Masters, and have been applying for jobs all over the country. I have a specialized degree, which is artifact conservation and museum exhibit design, and, barring DC and NYNY, California is the best place to begin a career because of the number of museums, national parks, and historic sites there. So I'd be going to CA anyway. My fiance and I are moving in together, and living together a year before we get married. I am not young (I have younger siblings and cousins married already; they marry young in the deep South), and I have always been very responsible. Being the oldest kid will do that to you I think. I'm not a flighty person; I am very practical and level-headed, and have never put up with nonsense from friends or previous boyfriends. My fiance does live in CA but visits once a month and has spent time with my family, and I've spent time with his. 

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Your degree and chosen career path sounds awesome.
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  • edited December 2011
    I am thinking along the same lines as Kuus.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Then I think they probably just don't care much. Your grandma might be sad to see you go, but really, that's the way of the world, now. 

    Lower your expectations. The worst that happens is you'll be pleasantly surprised when they do something nice. 
    image
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