So my mom thinks I'm going to hell and taking Bacon with me.

baconsmom

I called her to chat yesterday. She asked if Bacon was going into 2nd grade, and she is, so Mom asked if I'd signed her up for 1st Communion classes yet.

Now, you guys know I've fallen away from the church pretty gradually over the last 4 or 5 years,  but it's not something I discuss with her a lot, because she gets that tone in her voice - that "You're an adult and legally I can't *make* you do anything, but I really want to and I'm super-disappointed" tone. I'm sure my mother isn't the only one who uses it. 

Obviously, since I'm not a member at any church and I've brought Bacon all of ten times, I haven't signed her up for anything. Quite aside from my issues with the church about women and sex and gays, Bacon just isn't interested. At. All. I don't see what I'm going to accomplish by forcing her to sit still and be quiet for 2.5 hours every week (because I'm still doing choir) to pay attention to something she doesn't understand and that won't make sense to her. Keep my mom happy? Not worth it, sorry.

I do like my mom, especially now that we're three states away from each other, and I know she's going to be all worried about how Bacon's growing up without a church, just like H (except for his grandparents' church, which I mentioned and she dismissed), which is apparently terrible even though she likes H and said he's a good person. 

I just hope one of my brothers decides to breed soon. I don't need this "you're ruining my grandchild" agita. 

MinM

Agh....yes. I am happy we didn't move because of the church thing. FIL pushes it, but so does MIL. But she uses the children to try to get us to church. "Nephew is singing in church this week. DON'T YOU WANT TO COME SEE HIM SING?" Your agenda is showing, MIL.

No. Not in a church. Call me when he is in the school play.

GBCK

you can give me lessons for when this comes up for Buffy in a few years ;-)

baconsmom

I tried to reassure her that we do talk about God in our house, because we do. We just focus on the whole "loving your neighbor" thing more than the "you don't have a penis so you're not worthy" thing. Or the "follow all the rules, all the time, and trust that some old dude who looks like Emperor Palpatine totally knows what God wants" thing. 

I did point out to her that I've never really liked rules. I like knowing them, because that shows me where the boundaries and expectations are, but I've never been huge on signing up to follow them. Especially if I think they're stupid. 

So, you know, I don't want to raise my kid in this sort of, "Yeah, those are the rules, and no, we don't have to go to that church, but Grandma wants us to so we will, but we'll just ignore everything they tell us." 

AuntFlo

Ah, yes.   I know that a similar conversation will come up someday.   This is the ONLY bad side to my mom being my childcare provider.   I hope mom doesn't lay it on too heavy at least until DD is in school.

loveshine1

Ugh, don't worry. I'm going to hell with A as well.

She doesn't think it's right that he wasn't baptized. I have tried to explain to her that he is only half Catholic, and that H and I agreed to give A as well as any other children their religious education at home.

He also didn't have a Bris, but for some reason my in-laws don't try that nonsense with me.

*Barbie*

this is totally on DK - I think I've made it clear to both sets of parents that i will only attend church on holidays and special occasions. They all think I'm going to hell, so don't really push the issue much.

TheDuckis

Huh. I'm struggling with whether or not to baptize, but I never thought this far ahead. This is actually a point in favor of not baptizing, I guess. Get the argument over with early.

baconsmom

Well, I baptized because that was 7 years ago in a liberal diocese. But since my problems are all with the hierarchy of the church itself, it's not like I can just go find somewhere that's Catholic but not, you know? 

I guess if Bacon were more interested - asking questions about God or heaven or whatever - I would try harder to find a new spiritual home, but since she's not, I figure I can cross that bridge when I come to it, not before. 

Plus, I hated CCD, and since I'm not committed to it, I can't in good conscience force my kid to do something boring that she'll hate, too. 

foreverdress

Ah, yes.   I know that a similar conversation will come up someday.  wedding dress This is the ONLY bad side to my mom being my childcare provider. wedding dresses I hope mom doesn't lay it on too heavy at least until DD is in school.