Using our wedding for their engagement party....

kmrort

Upset doesn't begin to describe how I feel.  My fiance's cousin, who is recently divorced, told my fiance's mother that they were going to annouce their enegagement just before everyone flew down to my city for our wedding.  Now, they have been planning their wedding for about six months and did tell anyone but my fiance's mom.  So this whole time I have been planning my wedding, my fiance's mom has been busy helping them instead of us.  That was upsetting.  (They do not live in the same state either.)  I asked my FMIL to please ask them not to announce it right before our wedding as the guy is recently divorced (like 4 months) and this will be their second marriage (for the both of them) and there has to be a reason they wainted so long and I don't appreciate them doing it right before ours.  Well, they did.  Now, two weeks before everyone is expected to fly down here for our wedding, they decided to do the whole engagement thing swith a huge ring!  I am upset because now out wedding will serve as their engagement party.  They did it, according to my FMIL, so they could celebrate with family during our wedding time. 

I am upset because this is their second time around and they are having two receptions!  Why can't we have our one and it be about us an dour new love??  Why did they have to steal the spotlight..

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_using-our-wedding-for-their-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:91f8e66f-61d2-4bf1-882f-903daee2b9a0Post:a342df18-a46c-4879-ac7f-182e0264ddf7">Using our wedding for their engagement party....</a>:
[QUOTE]Upset doesn't begin to describe how I feel.  My fiance's cousin, who is recently divorced, told my fiance's mother that they were going to annouce their enegagement just before everyone flew down to my city for our wedding.  Now, they have been planning their wedding for about six months and did tell anyone but my fiance's mom.  So this whole time I have been planning my wedding, my fiance's mom has been busy helping them instead of us.  That was upsetting.  (They do not live in the same state either.)  I asked my FMIL to please ask them not to announce it right before our wedding as the guy is recently divorced (like 4 months) and this will be their second marriage (for the both of them) and there has to be a reason they wainted so long and I don't appreciate them doing it right before ours.  Well, they did.  Now, two weeks before everyone is expected to fly down here for our wedding, they decided to do the whole engagement thing swith a huge ring!  I am upset because now out wedding will serve as their engagement party.  They did it, according to my FMIL, so they could celebrate with family during our wedding time.  I am upset because this is their second time around and they are having two receptions!  Why can't we have our one and it be about us an dour new love??  Why did they have to steal the spotlight..
Posted by kmrort[/QUOTE]

you get one day. ONE. (or i guess two in the case of the cousin and her FI, since they are getting remarried)

did i miss where they contracted with your vendors to play their songs/serve their food/decorate with their colors during your reception? are they having an ice sculpture brought in? will she be wearing a big white puffy dress and standing up on the altar reciting vows?

if not, then how is this their party?

the answer is obvious - give them your wedding and just hope whenever you reschedule that she's not on husband #3.

akitty0543

I think you are justified to feel angry about that. It sounds very thoughtless and tactless on their part (who wants to take attention away from the bride on her wedding day??). At the same time, I want to think that they didn't mean anything malicious by it, and just did it as a matter of convience. For example, I'm sure they are excited and want to be able to talk about with their family in person, and your wedding is the only chance they will have to do that??

Again, I think you have reasons to be frustrated. But, in this case I don't know that you can do anything about it now. I don't think it would be worth it to confront them. I think for your own sake you should try to let it go and be empathetic towards them, as the frustration will do nothing but cause you more unneeded stress.

Lastly, I don't think they're going to steal your spotlight. You are the one getting married, and everyone is going there to see you. The people coming to your wedding aren't going to forget that. You'll still be center stage, it's just that they'll be getting congratulations as well.

**O-Face**

Pretty sure you'll be the only one in a wedding dress.  Other people will do the judging for you. 

kmrort

Our one day will be centered around their new enegagement!  And my FMIL knew about it the whole time! 

And no they didn't contact all of my vendors, but you don't time your enegagement, or the public engagement around someone else's wedding to celebrate your engagement on someone else's wedding day!  The upset part really comes from the fact that they timed it so they could celebrate with family at MY WEDDING!  It's not their celebration!

**O-Face**

How do you figure your ONE day will center around them?  They're just announcing something, but YOU ARE getting married.  That trumps anything for that short time.

It is purely a choice at this point to get worked up about this.  CHOICE.

zsazsa-stl

Most of your family will roll their eyes at your fiance's cousin and then get back to celebrating your wedding.  The only thing you have to worry about it your jealousy issues.  Green is not a pretty color on a bride.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_using-our-wedding-for-their-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:91f8e66f-61d2-4bf1-882f-903daee2b9a0Post:cd705014-23b8-440e-9786-bafaa9516711">Re: Using our wedding for their engagement party....</a>:
[QUOTE]Our one day will be centered around their new enegagement!  And my FMIL knew about it the whole time!  And no they didn't contact all of my vendors, but you don't time your enegagement, or the public engagement around someone else's wedding to celebrate your engagement on someone else's wedding day!  The upset part really comes from the fact that they timed it so they could celebrate with family at MY WEDDING!  It's not their celebration!
Posted by kmrort[/QUOTE]

just wait until they announce her pregnancy at your rehersal dinner (twins!), and the subsequent baby shower during your reception. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

Wzz

i really don't see the big deal. so what, this couple thinks their engagement news is a bigger deal than your wedding. so what. to them, they are a bigger deal than anyone else, but that's not going to change the fact that it's still your wedding day. the DJ isn't going to ask you and your husband to step away from your seats at the reception so this newly-engaged couple can take your place.

they want to tell people about their news in person, so they will have that chance at your wedding since you said yourself they have to travel. i can't imagine that this is going to take away your thunder on your wedding day.

and whatever, i know that a couple gets the one day, and this is their one day. guess what, it's still their one day. someone might even tell your guests about their big job news, maybe a promotion, or a layoff. or many someone bought new shoes. big deal. you can't stop people from talking about their lives at your reception.

6fsn

I feel like I'm missing something.  They aren't announcing it AT your wedding.  They are announcing before.  They aren't having any sort of party there.  People will say congrats and move on.  Even if they didn't announce it people would notice a ring and would ask or gossip.  The announcement would probably be better for you than people all atwitter about what the ring means.

And, you know how parents can love two kids?  Well. people can be excited about two things at once.

Laurstar31

I completey agree with you..I would be so mad!!! People reschedule proposals BECAUSE they dont want to take thunder away from other people...Your cousin is absolutly ridiculous. Sounds rude to me! Just igore them

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_using-our-wedding-for-their-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:91f8e66f-61d2-4bf1-882f-903daee2b9a0Post:42989a2f-ef90-45ef-af00-d73a2b4d73f0">Re: Using our wedding for their engagement party....</a>:
[QUOTE]I completey agree with you..I would be so mad!!! People reschedule proposals BECAUSE they dont want to take thunder away from other people...Your cousin is absolutly ridiculous. Sounds rude to me! Just igore them :)
Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]

there's always one...

GBCK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_using-our-wedding-for-their-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:91f8e66f-61d2-4bf1-882f-903daee2b9a0Post:42989a2f-ef90-45ef-af00-d73a2b4d73f0">Re: Using our wedding for their engagement party....</a>:
[QUOTE]I completey agree with you..I would be so mad!!! People reschedule proposals BECAUSE they dont want to take thunder away from other people...Your cousin is absolutly ridiculous. Sounds rude to me! Just igore them :)
Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]

<div>I would think it was incredibly dumb to reschedule one's life milestones because of someone else's 'thunder'.</div><div>Why on EARTH should my sister/friend/cousin/etc have to change her plans because a bride staked claim to...what, a day (reasonable), a week? (eh), a month (stupid), a season? (incredibly stupid)</div>

misssunshine17

A bride once made a comment to me about getting engaged during her wedding 'year'... don't be that girl. I agree, green is NOT a good color on a bride. 

mdeidre

I can understand being upset that they've outright said that they timed their announcement so that they could celebrate their engagement durring your wedding, that's pretty tacky.  Hopefully everyone there will refuse to take the spotlight off of you and will ignore them.  Keep everything inperspective snd make sure that YOU aren't the one more focused on them than on you and your FI that day. 

mdeidre

I forgot to add:  A way that you can curtail their activity on your day is to have their engagement announced early on in the recption, maybe even let them have a dance, and then go right back into whatever activities you had planned, like cake cutting, speaches, etc.  This way, you look gracious, they get about 2 minutes of celebration but then the focus goes right back to you, where it belongs.