need to vent

hefel98

Im getting married in June and the stress and drama are getting to me.  My cousin and niece and his sister are bridemaids and the future SIL doesnt seem too enthused.  I sent an email about planning shower/bachlorette - her only feed back was not a certain weekend bc shes taking her daughter to a rock festival.  I sent a second making sure everyone got dresses ordered since we are pressed for time and again asking about ideas for shower etc and gifts for the wedding party.  Her response:  "Yep. Ordered my dress today. As for the rest of it, whatever everyone else wants to do is fine with me."  Here find out she told FI that I have expensive taste in dresses.  I wanted them to pick their own but FI wanted same dress well it happened cousin and niece went together and liked the same dress so SIL had to get it so everyone was happy but her.  We aren't close and I know shes and BIL are in wedding for him and keep peace, but they gripe to MIL which gripes at FI.  Why does it feel like shes trying to suck the happiness out my wedding?  For example FI and I agreed no shots at wedding for us because he isnt good with them and SIL and BIL made comment that they plan on getting him sloppy drunk and "if someone buys you a shot you cant say no"  I have 4 months left and I'm afraid of a blow up and am starting to wish we just eloped.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-to-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:92e0eb62-555d-4182-899d-3a56cbe544abPost:22a9e7be-1e27-41b5-8b4a-432ca4b1be46">need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Im getting married in June and the stress and drama are getting to me.  My cousin and niece and his sister are bridemaids and the future SIL doesnt seem too enthused.  I sent an email about planning shower/bachlorette - her only feed back was not a certain weekend bc shes taking her daughter to a rock festival.  I sent a second making sure everyone got dresses ordered since we are pressed for time and again asking about ideas for shower etc and gifts for the wedding party.  Her response:  "Yep. Ordered my dress today. As for the rest of it, whatever everyone else wants to do is fine with me."  Here find out she told FI that I have expensive taste in dresses.  I wanted them to pick their own but FI wanted same dress well it happened cousin and niece went together and liked the same dress so SIL had to get it so everyone was happy but her.  We aren't close and I know shes and BIL are in wedding for him and keep peace, but they gripe to MIL which gripes at FI.  Why does it feel like shes trying to suck the happiness out my wedding?  For example FI and I agreed no shots at wedding for us because he isnt good with them and SIL and BIL made comment that they plan on getting him sloppy drunk and "if someone buys you a shot you cant say no"  I have 4 months left and I'm afraid of a blow up and am starting to wish we just eloped.
Posted by hefel98[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>Honestly, I'd probably be complaining to my mom too if I were your FSIL. I'm not trying to be rude of offensive, but there are several things wrong with what you've done here. </div><div>
</div><div>You should not have asked her to be a bridesmaid just because she's your fiance's sister. This usually doesn not turn out well and your situation seems to add to the norm. If your FI wanted her to stand, he could have asked her to stand on his side.</div><div>
</div><div>You should not be bugging people to plan parties in your honor. That is just flat out rude. No bride should be any part of the shower or bachelorette planning except to say, "yes, this weekend works for me" or to give them a guest list. Emailing them basically saying, "Hey yeah so when are you guys going to get around to using your time and money to throw a thankless party for me where the only point is to give me gifts?", no matter how you worded it, is rude. Drop the shower and bachelorette. They are optional parties that people may or may not throw for you. Lots of brides have neither and their marriages are still valid. </div><div>
</div><div>Before you even thought about dresses, you should have asked each bridesmaid individually what their budgets are. The  dress may be beyond her budget and she's upset about that - which you can't blame her for. </div><div>
</div><div>SIL & BIL are probably saying things like "getting him sloppy drunk" because it's his wedding and it'll be a huge party and "getting sloppy drunk" may be their way of having a great time. We did our best to get my brother sloppy drunk at his wedding and meant no harm to his controlling wife, it's just the way we have a good time. Your FI should be able to control himself and he can say no. No need to discuss before hand.</div><div>
</div><div>I think you need to call her (not email) but call her and apologize for being so wrapped up in the wedding planning that you have unknowingly been rude to her. Try to salvage any relationship you may have had with her because honestly, I think the only person who has done wrong here is you. </div>

JemmaWRX

I see nothing wrong with her responses and frankly, I don't blame her for pissing and moaning about you.  You're sending emails asking them to plan parties for you?  It's quite rude.  While showers and bachelorette parties are common, you are breaking the rules in ASKING for them.  They are gifts, they will plan and coordinate on THEIR terms and you should have very little involvement.

Regarding the dress - why did you not have a budget from each of your girls?  I'd be PISSED if a dress was just picked without my consent, specifically in terms of price.  Meanwhile you're deflecting the blame on your other girls and your FI?  Take some responsibility here.  You could have told the other girls "No."  Or just allowed your SIL to pick out her own dress despite your FI's desire to have them wearning the same dress.

And regarding her responses - you're taking it as a lack of enthusiasm?  She didn't do or say ANYTHING wrong.  You are seriously overreacting here.  Chill out.

[Deleted User]

PPs are absolutely correct. Get your head out of the bridal magazine and wedding industry clouds and apologize to your FSIL for being so crass and rude. You have damage control to do here.