Wedding Woes
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Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?

Ok so this forum is titled "wedding woes" and has a description of  "Stressed out? Ready to smack your FMIL, MOH, or both? Do it! Or tell us all about it and keep your hands to yourself."  but yet almost every post I see has nothing to do with weddings or anything but random topics not appearing to be wedding related. So did I miss something somewhere or has this forum been taken over for everything off topic?

Just trying to figure out where I *SHOULD* post my wedding woes/whining post since this forum doesn't appear to be it.
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Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?

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    Leg de NicoLeg de Nico member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:6035f558-841f-4b39-b08b-c0afc533f148">Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so this forum is titled "wedding woes" and has a description of  "Stressed out? Ready to smack your FMIL, MOH, or both? Do it! Or tell us all about it and keep your hands to yourself."  but yet almost every post I see has nothing to do with weddings or anything but random topics not appearing to be wedding related. So did I miss something somewhere or has this forum been taken over for everything off topic? Just trying to figure out where I *SHOULD* post my wedding woes/whining post since this forum doesn't appear to be it.
    Posted by dappledachsie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Bless your heart.</div><div>
    </div><div>You can post here.  </div>
    aka: nicoleg1982
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    TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can post them here. The regs just chat about random crap to fill time between beebees.
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please share your woes with us.   
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    edited December 2011
    Post the woe, keep the whining to your self.
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    edited December 2011
    ::pulls up chair::

    I'm waiting on some work stuff. I have plenty of time to chat. What's up?
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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We have to talk about SOMETHING while we wait for the woes.
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    huh. I replied to the wrong post. So full of win today.

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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    We are all ready to smack someone - MIL or anyone else. Is that good enough for you?
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    dappledachsiedappledachsie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, I'm at work and it takes me a while to reply since I'm not supopsed to be online...anywho...

    I feel like others think I'm whinning, and I know it sounds like whinning but its honestly a problem thats developing about the whole planning process.

    I've never wanted a "big" wedding in terms of hupla , but both myself and FH have big families, so the guest list is rather large no matter what (207 including children). We found a beatuful inclusive venue in the mountains that has everything we wanted, can accomodate our guest count and the items we wanted on the menu are regular items for them rather than special order. The scenery is beautiful and everything is the perfect setting for all the family that will be visiting the state for the first time. Its also the cheapest venue in the area compared to similar venues. We also decided to keep everything else as cheap as possible - dress and flowers for under $1000 each, favors for less than $1/person...we've made alot of short cuts to try and save money in the long run.

    My mom, dad and grandparents have always wanted a "big" elegant wedding for me...however now that we are planning, they have decided that they can't afford a "big" wedding. However, when presented with cheaper (and obviously considerable smaller) options they repeatedly say no thats not what they want us to do.

    Currently, my dad is the only one who's offered a specific amount of money that he will contribute. Mom and grandparents won't provide a specific amount (budget) but just continue to say "cheaper" without defining "cheaper". Mom suggests to cut the guest list by removing anyone she thinks won't attend (which coincidently is everyone on my dad's side of the family). I refuse to pick and choose which family members to invite. If they can't attend, for whatever reason, that's ok but I refuse to not invite someone because we aren't sure if they can make the trip.

    FI and I plan on paying for some of the wedding ourselves, so I'm not whinning about family contributions. However, the large sum that would remain above my dad's contribution is more than we can save in the next 9 months, so we are considering moving the date to 2013. But my family wouldn't be so thrilled with us putting it off that long. 

    So I guess my woe/whinning is more about confusion. My family wants to have the big wedding but says its too expensive. They don't understand how it can cost so much when their wedding was only $2500, 30 years ago. The suggestions they make either are for places that I've already reserached and are more expensive or they want me to cut sides of family out (divorced parents). What the h**l am I supposed to do? At this point I don't even want to plan a wedding because everyone keeps telling me it's my day and to plan what I want but when I try to and have found the cheapest option to do so, everyone then says I can't have it and tries to tell me that its not what I want. I'm not excited anymore and in fact I'm rather upset about the situation.

    Ok so there are the basics of everything. Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? However, please keep nasty comments to yourself, as I already have enough negativity going on in my head. Cry
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]However, the large sum that would remain above my dad's contribution is more than we can save in the next 9 months, so we are considering moving the date to 2013. But my family wouldn't be so thrilled with us putting it off that long.[/QUOTE]

    tell them too bad, but unless they want to pony up more money, it's 2013.  they can cram it in their cramhole.
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:1ed18c7b-c5ec-4e5f-9500-6d2141fd4288">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]tell them too bad, but unless they want to pony up more money, it's 2013.  they can cram it in their cramhole.
    Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

    Yep. They can't complain that it's too expensive and then complain that you want to postpone to save.

    Also, don't count on ANY of that money before you have actual cash in your hands. Probably once a month someone comes on here and says "Daddy said he would give me $X, so we booked this awesome venue and band and florist and photographer... and now the wedding is 3 weeks away, and he says he can only give us $X minus a billionty and we can't afford all of this ourselves!"  Just sayin'. And it definitely sounds like your mother and grandparents will be in this boat, since they can't settle on an actual number.

    And I wholly agree about not playing into the divorce drama. If you need/choose to cut the guest list, cuts should come equally from everywhere.

    And, it must be said, the word is "whining," not "whinning." the one n makes it a long I. Two ns make it a short I, like "winning" (the opposite of losing) but with an H. 

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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Tell your mom, dad, and grandparents that they are certainly entitled to their opinions and can plan any wedding they want if they get married again, and then plan the wedding the two of you want and can afford.

    I had to do this, too.
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    edited December 2011

    What everyone else has already said. Postpone until you can save more for it. Your family will get over it, if they don't that is thier problem.

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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:0b1956d2-5d2c-4491-973f-3d9a32f3f103">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really, have the wedding you want. Plan to pay for it yourselves and stick to your own budget. People don't get to dictate what you do unless they're paying. No is not a four letter word, use it, often.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    Did you just save every saying that they recycle on the ettiquette board and then paste them into one response?
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    A wedding in the hand is worth two in the bush!
    image
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    dappledachsiedappledachsie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ideally, no we don't want to wait till 2013. And what we can afford is bascially a courthouse wedding (nothing wrong with those, just not what we want) so we can't really do much without family financial support anyway. But we are contributing, just not as big a dollar amount.

     Mom says I won't compromise on anything, and I guess I feel like I have compromised already on several points like cutting the guest list once already (down to family, 2 close friends for each of us, and some select co-workers who were integral to us meeting since we work together), moved the date to a new month (to accomodate FMIL's request since one of her neice's is getting married in another state 2 weeks after the first date we chose), chose a different venue (as my first choice was crazy expensive though I now much prefer the cheaper venue), and several other items that I researched before even bringing the topic to my family. I tried to present the cheapest and most logical options to them rather than start with the super high crazy number.

    How much do you compromise till it's not anything even remotely close to what you want? I understand that family will be putting up the majority of the money which means they get a heavy say in the decisions, but when does it start being what I want versus what they will let me have?

    And sorry, but I don't totally get the "one wedding in hand is worth two in teh bush"...call me sheltered!
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:7cb8b6bf-06b7-4787-ae91-6a39dc94b7f5">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ideally, no we don't want to wait till 2013. And what we can afford is bascially a courthouse wedding (nothing wrong with those, just not what we want) so we can't really do much without family financial support anyway. But we are contributing, just not as big a dollar amount.  Mom says I won't compromise on anything, and I guess I feel like I have compromised already on several points like cutting the guest list once already (down to family, 2 close friends for each of us, and some select co-workers who were integral to us meeting since we work together), moved the date to a new month (to accomodate FMIL's request since one of her neice's is getting married in another state 2 weeks after the first date we chose), chose a different venue (as my first choice was crazy expensive though I now much prefer the cheaper venue), and several other items that I researched before even bringing the topic to my family. I tried to present the cheapest and most logical options to them rather than start with the super high crazy number. How much do you compromise till it's not anything even remotely close to what you want? I understand that family will be putting up the majority of the money which means they get a heavy say in the decisions, but when does it start being what I want versus what they will let me have?<strong> And sorry, but I don't totally get the "one wedding in hand is worth two in teh bush"...call me sheltered!
    </strong>Posted by dappledachsie[/QUOTE]

    <strong>*snort*
    </strong>
    as everyone else already told you, postpone until you can pay for your pretty princess day youselves. your mom and grandmother are not going to give you any money, so stop asking them. it doesn't sound like dad is too keen on ponying up either.

    if you don't have cash in hand, don't account for it - DG is dead on.

    even if you postpone and pay yourselves, you still have to consider that someone may lose their job/get into an accident/have an emergency, and you could still no longer afford a huge affiar.

    you need to sit down with your FI, figure out what is afforable, figure out your timeline, and set a budget. if your family ends up deciding to contribute, great, if not, you don't go into debt for a party.
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    dappledachsiedappledachsie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:d2ac9afe-3674-40ec-b412-eb41063fa5e9">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat? : *snort* as everyone else already told you, postpone until you can pay for your pretty princess day youselves. your mom and grandmother are not going to give you any money, so stop asking them. it doesn't sound like dad is too keen on ponying up either. if you don't have cash in hand, don't account for it - DG is dead on. even if you postpone and pay yourselves, you still have to consider that someone may lose their job/get into an accident/have an emergency, and you could still no longer afford a huge affiar. you need to sit down with your FI, figure out what is afforable, figure out your timeline, and set a budget. if your family ends up deciding to contribute, great, if not, you don't go into debt for a party.
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]


    K, first of all I'm not sure you even read the inital post. I don't want a "pretty princess day" by any means and we've tried to keep things as small and minimal as a 200 person guest list can be. I can't help it my FI and I were born into large families with several aunts and uncles. And I think its extremely rude to invite one side of the family and not the other. So the guest list is as small as it can be.

    And second of all I haven't ASKED my family for anything. They volunteered to contribute. Dad is very willing to "pony-up" as you put it and is finalizing the details with the bank. Mom and grandparents (not grandmother) volunteered to help but have not provided a specific amount, which is where the frustration lies. THEY want the big party and veto the realistic options for something smaller and cheaper...but when presented with the cost of the large wedding they don't understand why its so expensive compared to their own weddings 30/60 years ago and say its too expensive.

    Its the disconnect in their words that has me frustrated as they say they want the big wedding but that we (as a family) can't afford it. And they got upset when I told them we were going to plan something small (immediate family only). So how am I supposed to plan anything when no matter what I do they are pissed off about the outcome?
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:682736b4-03ef-4eb4-a16a-65c9d9c1d75c">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat? : K, first of all I'm not sure you even read the inital post. I don't want a "pretty princess day" by any means and we've tried to keep things as small and minimal as a 200 person guest list can be. I can't help it my FI and I were born into large families with several aunts and uncles. And I think its extremely rude to invite one side of the family and not the other. So the guest list is as small as it can be. And second of all I haven't ASKED my family for anything. They volunteered to contribute. Dad is very willing to "pony-up" as you put it and is finalizing the details with the bank. Mom and grandparents (not grandmother) volunteered to help but have not provided a specific amount, which is where the frustration lies. THEY want the big party and veto the realistic options for something smaller and cheaper...but when presented with the cost of the large wedding they don't understand why its so expensive compared to their own weddings 30/60 years ago and say its too expensive. Its the disconnect in their words that has me frustrated as they say they want the big wedding but that we (as a family) can't afford it. And they got upset when I told them we were going to plan something small (immediate family only). So how am I supposed to plan anything when no matter what I do they are pissed off about the outcome?
    Posted by dappledachsie[/QUOTE]

    Plan the party YOU can afford on your own.   If people come through with $$, that's great.  If they don't, whatever. 

    It sounds like any money from your grandparents/mom is coming with strings attached.  I don't think you're frustration is going to end once they give your a dollar figure.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, I just got a little silly.

    I would have a long, guilt-trippy talk with the people giving you grief, all about the evils of hijacking someone else's life occasion and making it all about yourself and what you want.  Make them feel bad.  Maybe you'll get the money with fewer strings, maybe you won't, but if you don't, that just means you need to lay on the guilt a little more heavily.

    If you need help with this tactic, I'm here to advise.  I was raised Catholic, and Slovak, so I'm kind of an expert.
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:682736b4-03ef-4eb4-a16a-65c9d9c1d75c">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat? : K, first of all I'm not sure you even read the inital post. I don't want a "pretty princess day" by any means and we've tried to keep things as small and minimal as a 200 person guest list can be. I can't help it my FI and I were born into large families with several aunts and uncles. And I think its extremely rude to invite one side of the family and not the other. So the guest list is as small as it can be. And second of all I haven't ASKED my family for anything. They volunteered to contribute. Dad is very willing to "pony-up" as you put it and is finalizing the details with the bank. Mom and grandparents (not grandmother) volunteered to help but have not provided a specific amount, which is where the frustration lies. THEY want the big party and veto the realistic options for something smaller and cheaper...but when presented with the cost of the large wedding they don't understand why its so expensive compared to their own weddings 30/60 years ago and say its too expensive. Its the disconnect in their words that has me frustrated as they say they want the big wedding but that we (as a family) can't afford it. And they got upset when I told them we were going to plan something small (immediate family only).<strong> So how am I supposed to plan anything when no matter what I do they are pissed off about the outcome?
    </strong>Posted by dappledachsie[/QUOTE]

    listen to the good advice that you got here and cut them out of the equation. if your family is paying for the wedding, they get a say in how their money is spent. They COULD give up their say and just hand you a check, no strings attached, but from your posts, that's not going to happen here.  

    if you fund the wedding, you plan whatever in the hell you want. you put down the courthouse idea (i.e. what you can afford right now) but don't want to put it off until you can afford something bigger/nicer (pretty princess).

    back to my initial suggestion of sitting down with your FI, figuring out what the two of you can afford, and when and where you want to have the wedding. if the family contributes, great, if not, you're still having a wedding that YOU WANT and YOU can afford.
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    dappledachsiedappledachsie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:c127de03-9249-4fdf-bd23-9c92f1c31da8">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry, I just got a little silly. I would have a long, guilt-trippy talk with the people giving you grief, all about the evils of hijacking someone else's life occasion and making it all about yourself and what you want.  Make them feel bad.  Maybe you'll get the money with fewer strings, maybe you won't, but if you don't, that just means you need to lay on the guilt a little more heavily. If you need help with this tactic, I'm here to advise.  I was raised Catholic, and Slovak, so I'm kind of an expert.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]


    LOL!!! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious...either way you made me laugh, so thank you for that!

    I tend to be really good at getting what I want (I am an only child), but that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about it. And I know that my family WANTS to give me what I want, they just seem to think it should cost less because 30/60 years ago it didn't cost so much. I've tried to find cheaper options and continue to come up empty handed, which leads me to believe that my calculations/budget aren't that far off for what we are looking at and comparing to.

    Thanks again! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-woes-random-chit-chat-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:932f4047-25a3-4803-a3d7-0a59769b99dePost:95b35984-5677-4efb-9785-aaa0f83a40df">Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding woes?? or random chit-chat? : LOL!!! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious...either way you made me laugh, so thank you for that! I tend to be really good at getting what I want (I am an only child), but that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about it. And I know that my family WANTS to give me what I want, they just seem to think it should cost less because 30/60 years ago it didn't cost so much. I've tried to find cheaper options and continue to come up empty handed, which leads me to believe that my calculations/budget aren't that far off for what we are looking at and comparing to. Thanks again!
    Posted by dappledachsie[/QUOTE]


    I do have a wide silly streak, but I'm being serious here.  Kinda.  Well, as serious as I get.
    image
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