Major Doubting Meltdown

PaoPao820

Hey All,

I am having a MAJOR meltdown. It's midnight and for the past hour and a half I've been thinking about what a fool I've been about my wedding! It started while I was on Groupon and Living Social scoping out deals in general and saw all the stuff for vacations and getaways. I started fantasizing about going on vacation and realizing how much I want to get away.

We are not having a honeymoon because we decided to invest in buying a house. But even though I'm thrilled about that, I'm having panic attacks about that as well, wondering if I'm making the right choice in buying a house now and if I'm ready and if I can handle it. I'm 26 so it's not like I'm older but I'm also not super young...

I feel like everything I've been doing with the wedding just isn't me. I originally, before I even got engaged, entertained the idea of going away on a vacation with just our parents for a week somewhere and getting married, like in Italy, in some small church with a dinner after. Then my FI and I could go for another week to another country as our honeymoon. My FI's father offered us quite a bit of money to elope, whether he was joking or not, I'll never know. My mother talked about having an intimate wedding. I'm kicking myself for not listening to them right now! I'm legit having a panic attack and can't sleep thinking about this. I'm doubting whether I'm doing the right thing in having this elaborate wedding that's going to cost thousands and thousands of dollars (over 15K but below 40K) for just one day.... ONE DAY!! I'm spending that much money in one dam day!?!? I could take that money, reimburse some people for their expenses like bridesmaid dresses and suits and stuff, spend maybe a total of 2k for that stuff and then take 6gs and go on a wonderful vacation and still have money left over to put into the down payment for the house or into the house itself to make improvements... why am I doing this? Why am I making this extravagant wedding (and in reality, I've kept stuff very simple for my wedding, its not that crazy, my dress is under 2k for goodness sakes) and spending all this money?? WHY?

It's gotten to a point where I'm legit thinking of excuses to get back my deposits from different people. I still have just around 2 months... no one's gotten us presents yet, not even half the RSVP's have come... nothing's super done. People can still cancel reservations to the hotel and not get penalized... it could work to cancel all this. I could even book a last minute vacation to still get married, in August, a little earlier even. Ugh why was I so stupid in planning all this forj ust one day!?!?

Sorry about the rant... there's no place and no one I felt I could turn to at this hour...

EK2013

<div>Would it make you feel better to plan a little honeymoon? A long weekend up to Niagara Falls or down to Atlantic City or something else that won't cost a ton but will feel honeymoon-y?<div>
</div><div>Don't feel like you need to justify to us where your money has been spent. I'm thinking you're of two minds about this. You wrote<font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12.222222328186035px;">,</span></font></div></div>[QUOTE]Why am I making this extravagant wedding (and in reality, I've kept stuff very simple for my wedding, its not that crazy, my dress is under 2k for goodness sakes) and spending all this money??
Posted by PaoPao820[/QUOTE]
<div>I wonder if the part of you that suggests that because your dress is under 2k it's reasonable wants this larger wedding, and if that part would be disappointed if you cancelled the big party.</div><div>
</div><div><div>I start to worry about cancelling already-planned weddings when the wedding party is already invested and involved: To be asked and then to have it taken away is so much harder on someone than simply not being selected.</div></div>

PaoPao820

Those are all things that went through my head.  I would obviously reimburse my bridal party if I were to cancel.  I think I may just be overwhelmed with everything going on in my life, which isn't an excuse but it's probably adding to all this.    We were planning to do a small honeymoon weekend a month or two after but now I feel like I can't even do that because that money could be spent on the house we're buying or to pay back student loans or what not.  Ugh.

amottl13

I don't post to too many of these boards but this one resonated with me.  While my situation isn't the same as yours, I can empathize with you on some things.  I've changed my mind so many times about what I wanted the wedding to be (really simple bbq with close family and friends) but felt obligated to have something larger because of where I work (I don't need to get into all the details); we're also looking into getting our own place, and have a ton of bills to pay (student loans and recent health problems-bills).  The stress isn't good for you but even if you can't back out of what is already set, still try to do some sort of vacation/mini honeymoon.  We're going to go away for a short weekend just to relax, even though the money could be used for something else.  You have your lifetime to be married and do all of those other things and it can all still work even if you take a vacation, but your health is important too.   

expats14

Agree completely with PP. Every single one of my friends who has gotten married said that even if they didn't do a honeymoon, taking a few days to themselves helped immensely. The few who took honeymoons immediately after their weddings said that they didn't enjoy their long-anticipated honeymoons because they were still so strung-out from the wedding.

PaoPao820

Thanks ladies, that helps alot...  while the meltdown has passed, I still have doubts.  I guess getting closer to the wedding things just come up.  Instead of having cold feet about getting married, i'm getting cold feet about my proposed wedding ideas.  I've also been on pinterest more lately which has not helped things because I start thinking "i could have done that differently, should I change that still?, what if I do this" etc. 

I appreciate the feedback though!  It's somehwat comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way!  I hope it all works out for you as well amott!  I think I am going to schedule a three day weekend away the first three day weekend that he has off for school.  It'll just be calming for us and reflective I think.