Guest List or Venue First?

stephdonjon

Do you recommend choosing a venue first and then slciing down your "dream guest list" to fit the venue's capacity limits, or starting with the save-dates and see how many express interest before booking a venue?

FI lives in another state, and I'm mostly worried about my family not being up to the 9-hour drive and us not meeting the venue's minimum guest requirement if they have one.

Also, should we just choose a date and then find a venue that's available that day, or work backwards, and just find a venue that we really like and choose from their dates? Which would then mean we'd have book our venue before the safe-the-dates obviously.

Thoughts?

TheDuckis

It depends on your priorities. Do you have a huge family that you can't imagine not inviting, or do you have dreams of getting married in a beautiful setting? Similarly, is there a particular date that's important to you or is there a venue that only has one weekend left in the season you want to get married?

I personally made the guest list, picked a venue that fit everyone, and then booked the date they had available. There's no rules about this kind of thing though.

ETA: Don't wait until after STDs go out to book a venue. That's just inviting disaster.

stephdonjon

We both have large families- FI's is enormous. Although he is very ok with cutting out cousins and whatnot. I'm a lot closer to my family so ideally I'd like them to be there, but I'm sure they'd understand if we ended up doing something smaller. The only part I'd feel weird about is we both plan to invite our close friends from college, and having more of my friends show up than my family (because of the long drive).

As for a particular date, we know we want August, 2011, but we're not set on a specific day. We'll probably do a Sunday, since they tend to cheaper.

So your advice is to book a venue with a sort of rougth estimate of guests, and then send out the save-the-dates?

TheDuckis

Yes. I think you're worrying too much about exact counts. Keep in mind that if a venue holds 250 people it doesn't mean you have to have 250 people there. The way you arrange tables and the size of the dance floor can easily full up space and you can have a wedding for 100 people in a large room without it feeling empty.

trishgutierrez

Pick a date that's important to you and your FI. Then make sure that it fits with your immediate families, wedding party and other important people that you absolutely want at your wedding. After that, make a preliminary list of everyone and anyone that you think you would invite (no criteria needed yet). Also start including the guests from your parents' lists (these lists will have more weight depending on who's paying).

Then, start looking for a venue that fits your budget. After all, budget should be one of the first things you've already decided on. After getting a per person rate that your ideal venue(s) and budget would accomodate, start slowly and decidingly cutting people out of your list to fit that #. Remember there will be attrition, more so if your wedding location is a distance away from family and friends.

Most importantly, don't have a standby list. It's in poor taste as people will always get wind that the first set of invitations had already been sent out and will quickly realize that they were an afterthought when they receive invitations too close to the wedding date. Trust me, I know when I've been an afterthought!

dawnmarie0627

I would never send STDs out without having a venue. Since you have to have a date to send out STDs in my opinion, you need to have a venue because that is the only way to ensure you have the date booked.

What FI and I did was talk to both sets of parents and together we made a guest list of the people who knew we needed to invite. Then we picked the date which we would like to get married. Then we found a venue that could accomodate our guest list and had the date available. Our venue can hold 220, but we are only inviting 175. The manager there showed us pictures of the room set for 150 and it looks beautiful, not empty at all.

I wouldn't worry too much about filling a reception hall. I would just make a guest list, pick a date, find a site, then send out STDs.

DG1

Yep. Budget first, definitely.  Then guest list.  Remember that food & drink is going to be the biggest single thing in your budget, so consider that when making the guest list.

Once you know how many people you are going to invite, find a venue that will hold that many people.  Be prepared for most OR ALL of your invitees to attend.  You don't want to invite 250 people, then book a venue that holds 200 and worry about how you're going to fit the 220 who accepted. (It happens. A lot.)

Once you have found a venue (or two or three) that will accommodate your guest list and budget, book them for a specific date, THEN send STDs.  (the "Date" part being a critical component of the "STD.") People won't necessarily respond to an STD, so don't count on that to "feel out" who's going to come. 

Lastly, I would seriously reconsider the Sunday thing if you have people traveling from very far.  I suppose in theory it doesn't make a difference if they take off Friday for a Saturday wedding vs. Monday for a Sunday wedding, but in reality it often does matter. Especially if it's going to be a fun party - no one wants to be hung over at work on Monday.

Finally, if you're having a religious ceremony, keep in mind that many religions don't do Sunday weddings because of the regular church services that day.

stephdonjon

Thanks guys for all advice! Yeah, I was definitely thinking we'd have to find our venue first and then go from there- I just wanted to make sure that was the easiest way. And DG1, funny you should mention the Sunday thing because I realized that myself earlier. And actually, the venue we're looking at right now has a flate rate for Fridays and Saturdays that wouldn't anymore than a Sunday wedding so that solves that problem.

Thanks, ladies! You've been a great help!